WeTried Translations

Translator: Hydrogen B

Editor: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 59: Wise Living

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After gathering all the trainees in the classroom, I clapped my hands to begin the lesson.

"All right, let's get back to class. It's been a while. Before that, though."

As usual, the vampire's coffin hovered in place of a chair. Beside it, Finlay stood with his hands folded, as though that were perfectly natural.

With an annoyed look, I pointed at Finlay.

"Trainee Tyrkanzyaka. Can't you do something about him standing there?"

Finlay immediately flared up at my question.

"Ahem! A noble Progenitor must always be accompanied by a thrall to handle unpleasant tasks! I will quietly fulfill my duty, so you should fulfill yours! If we both do our duties, there will be no problem!"

The guy who barged in every day and went "ahem" called that a duty? No matter how I looked at it, he was declaring his intent to disrupt class as thoroughly as possible.

As I stared at him coldly, the vampire scolded Finlay.

"Enough, Finlay."

Finlay, who had been shouting moments ago, immediately dropped to one knee. His attitude toward her was the complete opposite of how he treated me. Naturally, he had a reason for it.

By treating me and the vampire differently, he was trying to elevate her. That would make her more generous toward him.

In any case, after silencing Finlay at once, the vampire spoke to me.

"Please understand. It seems he is curious about what you teach in this class."

"Understand? What are you talking about? Does being curious mean he can barge in and throw a tantrum whenever he wants?"

I set down the chalk with a sharp clack and glared at Finlay.

"Finlay. This class was prepared solely for the trainees, you know? Outsiders should leave."

"I am the Progenitor's attendant, a single drop of blood left behind by the Progenitor! Whenever the Progenitor needs me, I have a duty to offer my own blood and exalt her!"

"I'm an instructor of the military state. That means I'm in charge here. If you don't listen to me..."

"If I don't?"

I swept all the papers off the lectern with both arms, then sprawled across the newly cleared surface.

The vampire was startled by my drastic action and scolded me.

"What are you doing? After calling everyone here."

"Someone I didn't invite is mixed in."

Supporting my head with both hands, I whistled leisurely.

"I'm not teaching. I won't interfere with you from now on, so you two vampires can play house by yourselves."

Then I turned toward the blackboard in one swift motion. It was practically a declaration of boycott.

With the lesson she had been looking forward to at risk of being boycotted, the vampire hurriedly spoke.

"Are you sulking like a grown child?"

"I'm not sulking."

"You are sulking. Why are you being so childish?"

"Ah, fine. I am sulking. And after hearing that, I'm twice as sulky. I'm not teaching or giving massages anymore."

Once I took even the massages hostage, the vampire became truly desperate. Growing anxious, she had half climbed out of her coffin as she spoke.

"What displeases you so much that you are being stubborn?"

"If you ask someone who's sulking whether they're sulking, they just sulk more. Besides, do you think I enjoy teaching? I spend time and put effort into preparing these lessons, but every time someone interrupts me, it kills all my motivation. Well, perhaps the great Progenitor needs a trumpeter to yell at people in her place."

Anyone who was not an idiot would understand what I meant. The vampire might have been old, but she was not an idiot.

A retainer who had come all the way to the Abyss, or an instructor who provided all kinds of entertainment.

If she had to choose one?

True to a vampire whose heart had stopped, her decision was swift and cold.

The vampire gestured to Finlay. He pressed his lips together and answered the call.

"Wait outside. Do not return until I call you."

"...I obey."

As a thrall, Finlay followed the vampire's order without a moment's hesitation. He did not forget to glare at me once as he left.

The defiant look in his eyes suggested he would not leave quietly. You were planning to eavesdrop, weren't you?

Ha. Not a chance.

"If you're going, go all the way out to that yard over there. Don't eavesdrop."

"You!"

"Do so. I too would prefer that you not eavesdrop in secret without any dignity. Such things are for filthy informers."

The vampire was speaking to Finlay, yet the regressor sitting over there flinched as if pricked by a needle. When I looked at her, she slightly averted her gaze.

At least she had some self-awareness. That was a relief. Her conscience had not worn away completely.

"...I obey."

The Progenitor's command was absolute. It could be disobeyed, but there was no point. As a vampire, she would be able to sense Finlay's blood precisely even from the far end of the Abyss.

Finlay bowed his head and went out, shutting the door behind him. Once he was far enough away, the vampire addressed me in a gentler tone.

"Did I not apologize? Finlay only cares for me too deeply. I have sent him away now, so tell us what you prepared for today."

"It's a lesson, not a story. I put real thought into planning it, yet you treat it like some amusing tale."

"Very well. Teach us. I would like to study again after so long."

The vampire was doing her best to soothe me in case I sulked even more.

Of course, the electric massages and the stories from class mattered more to her than I did, but so what? People were worldly by nature. If I worried about things like that, I could not be a mind reader.

"Hoo. Fine. They say that if you coldly turn away an older student, a ghost who never learned anything in its lifetime will cling to you, so I'll let it go. Or has one already latched on?"

"What did you say?"

"Fine. Let's begin today's lesson."

With Finlay gone, nothing could stop me now. I sprang up from the lectern and stepped forward.

Before the vampire could fully understand what I had said, I slammed my hand against the lectern and shouted.

"After observing you all for some time, I have found that despite all your bizarre behavior, neither your language skills nor your capacity for empathy seems particularly lacking..."

I paused for a beat before continuing.

"Surprisingly enough!"

'What kind of bullshit is he going to say now?'

The regressor's rude thought reached me. Ahem.

"But you are missing one crucial thing. Something very precious that every ordinary person possesses. Because of that one thing, you cannot adapt to the world and keep grinding against it. Do you know what it is?"

The vampire tilted her parasol slightly. It was a sign that she wished to answer.

I liked that enthusiasm for class. I immediately pointed at the vampire.

"Yes, trainee Tyrkanzyaka!"

"Could it be that we lack common sense from the present age?"

It was a more reasonable argument than I had expected. Having nothing to refute, I rubbed my chin and nodded.

"Well, that isn't entirely wrong."

"Then you should teach us more. Classes have been held too sporadically lately. Isn't that terribly lazy for an instructor? If you truly care for us, arrange gatherings like this more often."

"But common sense differs by country, era, and generation. How could I arrogantly define what a lack of common sense is? Unfortunately, that is not the answer I was looking for!"

Hoo. It was fortunate I reacted quickly. I almost ended up increasing class hours.

After cutting off the possibility of extra work at its root, I continued.

"What you lack is ordinary risk awareness!"

The regressor, who was sitting in her usual delinquent posture, frowned and asked,

"Ordinary risk awareness?"

"That's right. Risk awareness, the part of you that judges whether danger is approaching and stays alert. When it comes to that, either one screw is missing from each of you, or it has been tightened too far and damaged your brain."

The two of them still did not realize it after hearing that. Did they really not know, or were they simply not thinking?

I had no choice but to point it out one by one instead of letting them realize it themselves.

"For reference, trainee Shei is the one whose screw has been tightened too much, while trainee Tyrkanzyaka is the one whose screw has come completely loose and flown away."

"What?"

"Outrageous!"

Their protests erupted at the same time. Yes, I had expected that. Foolish people could not reflect on themselves.

Then I would show them proof.

"All right. For you two, who still lack self-awareness, we will conduct a simulation."

I pulled out something I had prepared beneath the lectern. It was a makeshift marionette made from golem scraps I had picked up in the administration office.

Back when I was a magician, I had put on puppet shows to draw in children. When I finished a short performance and held out my hat, cheap coins would fall into it from the children's parents, who had gone off somewhere and come back.

It was time to put that experience to use. Holding up the marionette, its thin strings attached to a wooden crossbar, I spoke.

"I thought long and hard about why you lack ordinary risk awareness. After much consideration, I identified your problem and prepared a situation to help you understand it."

I moved my fingers to manipulate the marionette. It was roughly one-third my height and moved according to my gestures.

It scratched its head with its left hand and shook its legs as it danced. After trying all kinds of motions until I got the hang of it, I stopped the marionette and said,

"I'll set the scene with this puppet gentleman I brought along, Puppet Man for short. You simply need to respond appropriately to the situation you are given."

"This isn't a class for children..."

"Then please stop acting in ways that require a lesson for children. All right, I'll demonstrate! Azzy!"

"Bark!"

At my call, Azzy immediately got up and came over to me.

She had been intensely curious about my marionette for a while now. Whenever I shook Puppet Man from side to side, Azzy's gaze swayed with it.

"All right, this golem is going to talk to you now. You just need to give an appropriate response within socially accepted limits. Understand?"

"Bark?"

"Yes. Even an answer like that is enough. Then let's begin!"

Puppet Man waved his right hand. Azzy's head swayed from left to right along with it. When he held out his hand, hers came out to meet it.

Once I had Azzy's attention, I spoke through ventriloquism.

"Hello, little one?"

"Bark! Hello!"

Azzy returned the greeting. That alone put her in the top fifty percent for etiquette in the Abyss.

Smiling at Azzy, I said,

"Would you like mister to teach you something fun?"

Footnotes:

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