WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Ceaseless
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ The Dungeon Gallery's Terrifying Newbie ◈
Chapter 31: Fucking Humans
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newbie: What if the South Kingdom army suddenly invades... T_T
└humanluvr: Newbieee! Did you have a nightmare? T_T
└no_minions_4_me: We don't sleep, though...
└cowhead: What kind of bizarre thought process is that...
└magichero: Geographically, they aren't completely faaaaaaar away, but they aren't close either, so that's pretty unlikely... The Forest of Life is Branded Elf territory to begin with, so why would the South Kingdom even come here...?
└magichero: U-u-u-unless the Branded Elves reflect on everything they've done, go to prison or get executed, then put out a help call saying, "Please help us destroy Dreamland T_T," or something...
└newbie: The reason I'm saying this is because I ran into the human I spared in the Forest of Life... She said the Kingdom might send an army to wipe out the Branded Elves... And my dungeon could be discovered in the process, you know? T_T
└newbie: What if soldiers start coming into the dungeon...
└antqueen: Wouldn't that just be a double EXP event for newbie??
└tvhead: For real LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
└cowhead: That's exactly right LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
└golemking: I think a hundred of them would die in the elevator, then give up and leave?
└dip: Sure, humans are scary when they band together, but in extreme situations, humans can be more brutal than Branded Elves LOL. They'll probably betray each other and self-destruct while playing out a death game.
└orange★: This isn't something you should take so lightly. If there happens to be a Blessed One in the Kingdom, information about newbie's dungeon could spread to them in an instant...
└skullbones: We assume Blessed Ones have communities like ours too, so if one of them finds out, assume they'll all know. Yeah.
└antqueen: But wouldn't that be even better? newbie might literally level up like crazy. Yeah.
└antqueen: Their reward multiplier is different from ours to begin with. Blessed Ones might even die three times in the elevator??
└antqueen: Last time, when you stopped Julius's Wave, it was judged as Madness. That means we might be able to unlock a new difficulty too. Yeah.
.
.
.
.
.
I'll be honest.
I was putting on a brave face in front of Restia.
Having the human Kingdom as an enemy was scary no matter how I looked at it.
Waaah. I'm baby newbie.
It hadn't even been a year since I became a Dungeon Master.
Right.
Well, the Kingdom was manageable.
There was a limit on the number of people who could enter a dungeon anyway, so they couldn't come in with an entire army.
If I held out until the Position Shift Cycle, I'd win.
But.
Blessed Ones were different.
In my head, Blessed Ones were basically crazy Veterans who cleared dungeons wearing nothing but underpants.
I'd meet them someday.
It was only natural if I kept running a dungeon.
But they were people I absolutely didn't want to meet yet.
No matter how difficult a game was, it could be beaten if the player had infinite coins.
Of course, the more Blessed Ones died, the higher the game's difficulty would rise...
Anyway.
I just hoped I could reach at least level 320 before I met them!
newbie: Brothers, I've realized a truth...
└skullbones: What is it??
└newbie: I feel like this world is full of crazy dungeon-rapist bastards...
You know what it felt like?
To the people of this world, dungeons might seem as sexy as an enemy character shaking their ass in front of a tower while they only have 1 HP left.
└golemking: You only figured that out now?? But that description is fucking hilarious LOL
└dip: Keep your dungeon's ass safe... Otherwise, some golden boy will NTR your Magic Stone. Yeah...
└humanluvr: I'm newbie's rapist!
└newbie: Hiiieeek
Fortunately, nothing I worried about happened.
Maybe Restia somehow talked them out of it?
About two months had passed since Julius's Wave, yet no intruders had entered.
I didn't know if I'd see her again later.
Still, she had personally come all the way to the Forest of Life despite the danger.
I should repay Restia when I saw her next.
antqueen: This is awkward mustard, hehe...
└antqueen: I'll correct myself. She's not a shit human, she's a good human. Hehe;;;
└humanluvr: The more I think about it, the angrier I get.
└humanluvr: Why does she keep wagging her tail at our newbie??
└humanluvr: That fox bitch knows newbie is charming... If I could leave my dungeon, I would've seduced newbie ages ago, but I seriously feel so wronged and angry that I can't sleep at night and I feel like I'm going crazy.
└no_minions_4_me: Love, we can't sleep in the first place...
└newbie: Love... You're the only one for me...
└humanluvr: Newbie... Is that really true...?
└newbie: Almost said that...
└humanluvr: I'm going to die.
└newbie: I thought you said you weren't a menhera.
Anyway, my daily life was simple.
Browsing the Gallery and playing with Malrang.
"Erk."
And.
"Whirr..."
"Hello..."
Every time I took Vroom-Vroom toward the entrance to go outside, I exchanged polite bows with I-gon.
For the record, I-gon was my pet name for the otherworldly insect.
Maybe it was because I had the Mental Immunity trait, but the more I saw it, the cuter it looked.
Its face was a little scary, but its body looked human. Mm-hm.
It was gentle and always greeted me politely. How should I put it? It was completely different from when it dealt with intruders.
Was this what people called gap moe?
Anomalies were, by default, incredibly kind to me.
The Doppelganger and the statue had the Activation tag, so they were normally dormant, but even if a Wave began, I didn't think they would harm me.
It felt like the rules they carried didn't apply to me.
That clearly set them apart from my other Minions, who started revolutions whenever they didn't like something.
Surely they wouldn't get jealous later from watching Malrang and me sleep and play together all the time?
.
.
.
Around the time I was spending such boring, peaceful days.
"Oh... An intruder."
I spotted a human for the first time in a while.
For a moment, I was scared they might be a South Kingdom soldier, but their clothes looked far too unsuited for combat.
They were alone.
They weren't a mage who could use Detection Magic.
They loitered around near the entrance, then ran away before even ten minutes had passed.
What was that bastard's deal?
I uploaded a video of them loitering around to the Gallery.
└humanluvr: They're from the West Kingdom... Judging by their clothes and the things they brought, they seem to be a black market merchant who traded with Branded Elves???
└no_minions_4_me: Wow, what the hell are you?? How did you figure out they were from the West Kingdom too??
└humanluvr: Zoom in on the video. You can see a dagger through a gap in their backpack. Check the insignia engraved on it.
└golemking: As expected, humanluvr's observation skills are unmatched LOLLLLLLLLL
└dip: What the fuck, this is ridiculous. Are you a detective???
└newbie: Love Holmes, damn.
└humanluvr: I'm a phantom thief who steals newbie's heart.
A black market merchant who traded with Branded Elves.
"It doesn't look like they were running away."
This was completely different from Restia's case.
You could tell at a glance when an intruder had hostile intentions.
Maybe it was the observational skill I'd picked up from going through previous Waves.
That bastard was 100% a dungeon rapist.
"They'll probably come back with friends later, right?"
After pointy-ears, now it was humans.
As a fellow human, don't expect any mercy from me.
I'm a Dungeon Master who shows no mercy to enemies.
I still had 250,000 Points on hand.
I needed to think a little longer about whether to use them.
* * *
West Kingdom.
A certain debauched lord lived in Jericho Barony.
His name was Yuben Jericho.
A man in his mid-thirties.
At first, he had been widely praised as intelligent and wise.
But after becoming drunk on the sweetness of money and power, Yuben passionately claimed to have realized life's meaninglessness. Now, he lived addicted to alcohol and women.
How bad was it?
His wife and children, whom he had loved and who had loved him, had all abandoned him and left the territory. Yuben was beyond saving, the most notorious wastrel in the West Kingdom.
"My lord! I've brought incredible information!"
Yuben looked at the black market merchant with an uninterested expression.
Incredible information?
The bastard was someone Yuben only used when buying luxury goods cheaply. What great information could they possibly have brought that made them this excited?
"Tell me."
Yuben's lifeless eyes took in the black market merchant.
"Ahem. Yes."
The merchant drew a breath and continued.
"I discovered a new dungeon."
A new dungeon.
A place where the treasure known as a Magic Stone lay sleeping.
At those words, Yuben's dead eyes came alive for a moment.
"Details."
"Yes..."
It had been a very long time.
The lord was showing interest in something besides alcohol and women.
To the black market merchant, that sight felt deeply unfamiliar.
* * *
This is an old post.
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Title: Now I understand why everyone calls them Ssipgan. Yeah.
Author: dragonbrat
These fucking human bastards are even worse than I imagined.
Elves aren't much better, of course, but I think humans are the absolute peak of awfulness.
Why?
Because if these awful human bastards can't do something themselves, they go out and call their friends LOL.
If those friends fail? Then those friends go out and call more friends LOL.
It's not like I'm meeting some fucking menhera yandere heroine.
There was a Position Shift recently, and I was genuinely shocked when they stubbornly found my dungeon again and waved at me.
Their level of persistence is on a whole other level.
At least when a dungeon leaves the elves' territory, the elves clap and send it off, you know?
These awful humans grab me by the hair and drag me back, crying, "Don't go, sweetheart! Where are you going? You need to give us your Magic Stone T_T"
If I could leave my dungeon, I would've made these bastards go extinct first. Yeah.
And why do these fucking bastards have so many people when they can use magic like elves and dwarves???
Hey!!! If there are going to be that many of them, shouldn't they at least be unable to use magic and Aura???
They even have mages and swordsmen stronger than elves despite having such short lifespans LOL.
They have huge populations, they can use magic, they can train and use Aura to slice up Trolls, and they're intelligent too, fuck.
At this point, aren't Goblins basically being told to kill themselves?? Why do these bastards even exist in this world?? LOLLLLLLLLLLLLL
God must fucking love humans. They're just an unfair self-insert race, fuck.
They're seriously another level. Another level. dragonbrat approves.
Fuck, Oblivion!!! Please move up the Position Shift Cycle already!!!
*Comments
op_ghost: Want me to tell you one genuinely chilling fact?
op_ghost: When you run into humans, your head starts hurting, but there are certain humans you especially need to watch out for...
op_ghost: Kings and lords, specifically LOL. Honestly, I'm more scared of these bastards than Archmages or Swordmasters... Like Necromancers, they lead humans in and shove them into the dungeon in droves whenever a Wave starts. Fuck.
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Footnotes:
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