WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Natty
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◈ The Regressor and the Blind Saintess ◈
Chapter 37: Realization - 2
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Fizzle.
“Ah...”
The divine power floating above Rene’s hand scattered. The groan that followed was full of regret.
Embarrassed that her concentration had slipped and caused her divine arts to fail, Rene spoke to Terisa.
“I’m sorry. It’s especially difficult today...”
“What is there to apologize for? No one will scold you for failing today, so put your mind at ease.”
Terisa chuckled and then studied Rene’s expression.
More precisely, she studied the emotions rising from Rene.
A very deep pink.
‘How is it getting stronger by the day...?’
It was growing deeper. At first, it had felt like nothing more than a fresh, innocent emotion. Now, it was changing into something beyond that.
Terisa could more or less guess why this was happening. Having spent her entire life peering into other people’s emotions, she could not fail to know.
‘...She is looking away from it.’
Rene was denying her own feelings. No, it would be more accurate to say she had yet to recognize them.
Terisa did not know Rene completely, but the Rene she had watched for nearly two weeks still seemed very much like an inexperienced young girl. Saying she was denying her feelings did not quite fit.
Terisa narrowed her eyes.
She generally remained an observer because she believed it was not right to interfere in other people’s relationships. Still, it was difficult for her to watch someone so close to her, someone she wished to cherish, struggle like this.
‘Hmm...’
She wanted to help. However, whenever such a situation arose, she always wondered how she should go about it.
It would not be right to directly name the emotion. Defining a feeling was something its owner had to do.
What she should do, what she could do as an elder to ease Rene’s heart even a little...
‘...Right.’
She could point her in the right direction.
Having finished her thoughts, Terisa smiled at the rather good idea that had come to mind and spoke to Rene.
“Saintess.”
“Ah, yes.”
“Do you happen to have something troubling you?”
Rene’s fingertips twitched at the question.
“Um...”
Of course she did. Because of it, her mind had been tangled all day. Her thoughts kept running in only one direction.
Should she say it? Was it right to say it? This was her own problem, so was it right to burden someone else with it?
Rene had always believed she should handle her own affairs herself, or at least try to. That was why she hesitated.
It was the sort of hesitation that could naturally frustrate the other person.
Fortunately, Terisa was not so impatient that she would press Rene simply because she found it frustrating.
How could she not understand such a reaction?
Terisa possessed an Authority, had lived a long life, and held the title of professor at the Academy. She knew well how unstable children around Rene’s age could be.
Terisa placed her hand over Rene’s and spoke in a soft, comforting voice.
“There is such a thing as an old woman’s intuition, you know. You seem to have something troubling you, Saintess, so I thought this old woman might be able to help.”
Rene flinched, her fingertips trembling. After a small, thoughtful hum, she carefully moved her lips.
“Th-then, would it be all right if I accepted a little help?”
“As much as you need.”
With those words of permission, Rene nodded and tried to speak, only for her words to catch abruptly in her throat.
How should she explain this? That thought had stopped her.
She hesitated again.
What exactly was this state she was in? How should she explain it and ask for advice?
The more she tried to think, the more chaotic her mind became.
No matter how hard she thought, she could not find the right words.
Watching Rene move her lips and furrow her brow, Terisa thought, What an innocent age, and opened her mouth.
“Hmm... Shall I take a guess?”
“Huh? Ah, yes!”
“Does your chest suddenly tighten from time to time? Even when you are absentmindedly sitting still, doing something else, eating, or lying down to sleep, does your chest tighten for no reason?”
“Yes! That’s right!”
Jolt.
Rene’s shoulders shook. How had Terisa pinpointed it so quickly when Rene had not even said anything? Even as surprise spread across Rene’s face, Terisa continued.
“Sometimes it may feel as though a ball of fire has settled inside you. For some reason, the same image may keep appearing in your mind, and ridiculous fantasies may fill your head.”
“That! That’s it! That’s why I’ve been so troubled lately...”
Rene beamed and nodded vigorously.
Such a lively reaction made Terisa chuckle. Feeling as though a weight had lifted from her heart, Rene continued her questions.
“Wow, how did you know all that at once? I didn’t even tell you...”
“It is the wisdom of age. And do I not teach children around your age?”
“Ah...”
Only then did Rene remember that Terisa had been dispatched to Tellon Academy, and she nodded.
“Those are the usual concerns of children at an age full of dreams. They are still immature and unfamiliar with many things, so they do not know themselves very well. Often, they do not even know what the emotions they feel are. I can fully understand why you feel this way, Saintess.”
“I-I’m embarrassed...”
Rene lowered her head awkwardly.
Then, as she kept her head lowered, she suddenly let out a deep sigh and continued.
“It has been especially bad lately. I wondered if there was something wrong with my body, or if it was because I moved somewhere new. I even had the priests examine me, but they said there was nothing wrong.”
Once her heart had eased, words close to complaints poured from her.
Thinking Terisa might know how to resolve this unstable state, Rene poured out her concerns without even thinking of being embarrassed.
Terisa nodded as she listened, then smiled gently and answered.
“Hmm, I understand. Quite a few of my students suffer from such symptoms as well.”
“Really?”
“Usually, yes. Some have even come to me for advice.”
As Rene listened, she gave a dry gulp before adding a question.
“Then why am I like this?”
Why was her body in this state? When Rene asked that question, Terisa answered in a slightly teasing tone.
“I think that is something you must discover for yourself, Saintess.”
“Huh?”
“They are your emotions, are they not? Even if I were to define them, I could not be certain that my answer would fit you perfectly. It makes me a little cautious.”
Terisa had been doing so well, only to suddenly avoid giving an answer. Rene’s expression became a little sulky.
Terisa chuckled and continued.
“If I had to offer a hint, is there anything that comes to mind whenever you feel that way?”
“Something that comes to mind?”
“It does not matter what. It could be an object, a place, or perhaps...”
She paused.
Terisa watched Rene gradually lean forward, then grinned and finished.
“...A person.”
Jolt.
Rene’s whole body shook.
Her face began to fill with embarrassment and shame.
Something that came to mind. A person who came to mind.
“There is a saying, you know. To find the cause of a problem, you must find the common factor among its symptoms. In my judgment, the thing you are thinking of now may be what is making you uncomfortable.”
Vera.
The moment Rene heard those words, that two-syllable name came to her mind.
Thump. Thump.
Her heart began to pound heavily.
The reaction that had troubled her all this time had begun again.
It was only a name, yet the moment she thought of it, this happened.
Her face grew redder than ever before. Her body kept twitching, unable to stay still.
As confusion rose within her once more at the continuing reactions, Rene clenched her fists and spoke haltingly.
“Th-there is something...”
She could not finish the sentence.
Rene did not have the courage to say, “I feel strange whenever I think of Vera.”
Seeing Rene hesitate, Terisa felt delight fill her heart and continued.
“What you must do next is... yes. Once you know the cause, you must consider why that cause makes you feel so strange.”
“Why...?”
“The students I have seen gave many different reasons. Some called it curiosity, some called it admiration, and some even called it displeasure.”
Rene’s lips pressed tightly together.
She had become lost in thought over that question of why.
“But there is something surprising.”
“Something surprising?”
“The answers reached by those who think over such concerns all take a similar form in the end.”
“What is that answer?”
The question burst out as if urging Terisa to continue.
Terisa looked at Rene, whose face held both impatience and tension, then chuckled.
“I will not tell you the answer. From here on, it is something you must realize for yourself.”
“That’s unfair!”
At least, that was how Rene felt.
Terisa had acted as though she would resolve her worries, only to make Rene even more curious in the end.
Growing even more sulky, Rene muttered.
“Then at least give me another hint...”
At that moment, being unable to see felt particularly inconvenient.
She could not know what expression Terisa wore right now, so she had to judge from her tone. Yet even that tone sounded terribly meaningful.
As she repeatedly gave dry gulps from nervousness, Terisa continued.
“Hmm... Very well, then I shall give you a riddle.”
“A riddle?”
“That is right. I do not know whether its answer will satisfy you, Saintess, but in my judgment, your answer and the answer to this riddle will likely be similar.”
Terisa said that, took a moment to steady her breathing, and continued.
“It is the emotion with the most faces in the world. If there are a hundred people, it takes a hundred different forms. It is the emotion that turns the bravest general in the world into a coward, and the most treacherous minister in the land into a faithful servant.”
Rene tilted her head.
“The person it is directed toward can be just as varied. Sometimes it is felt for a friend, sometimes for an enemy, and sometimes even for a stranger one has never seen before. It scarcely distinguishes between people or circumstances, and it blends with every other emotion. That is why it is easy to mistake for something else.”
Terisa looked at Rene’s face, covered in confusion, and chuckled.
“It is an emotion both immensely proud and utterly servile. It comes without any reason, then later makes you attach reason after reason to it.”
Having said that, Terisa asked in a voice full of amusement.
“Well, that is the riddle. Hmm, our next lesson is in three days. Will I hear your answer then?”
“Ah, I’ll try!”
Rene had listened absentmindedly, then startled and nodded. The moment she gave that answer, regret came over her.
An oh no feeling began to fill her heart.
She did not understand a single word of it.
She had answered confidently, but she had no confidence at all.
Her head drooped. Her eyes squeezed shut.
Terisa’s riddle was far too difficult for Rene.
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