I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With - Chapter 10

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Irevi

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈

Chapter 10: Spin, Spin, Spin the Wheel

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There is an old saying: “Constant dripping wears away the stone.”

A drop of water can bore through rock.

It means that even a small effort, continued with persistence, will eventually bear fruit.

In Soulslike terms, it means you should never dismiss chip damage.

You might wonder when you’ll ever kill that boss with damage like this, but if you keep dodging and hitting it, you’ll kill it someday.

My plan was simple.

Dodge, relentlessly target its eyes, and wreck its brain.

And it actually worked.

Normally, if you focused your attacks on one spot, a monster would defend it or stall for time.

‘Right. It’s an orc, after all.’

The concept of defense simply did not exist for it.

Truly the poster child for being stupid.

They say that if your body is strong, your brain doesn’t have to work hard.

Its body was apparently too strong, so its brain had atrophied.

Of course, that was easy to say. The time limit was only ten minutes, so it still took me two months.

‘One mistake, and I wouldn’t have had enough damage.’

I wasn’t joking. If I even blinked wrong once, I would fall short on damage.

Anyway, the important thing was that I had cleared it no matter what!

After the settlement message appeared, I trembled at the overwhelming joy that clearing it brought.

“Ahhh.”

Right. I’d forgotten this feeling.

This fullness that you could only feel after clearing a grueling trial.

Like deliberately enduring your thirst, then downing a can of beer!

This was the feeling I had become addicted to, the reason I had walked the path of a pro gamer.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

After enjoying that pleasant sensation for a while, I came to my senses at the sound of the alarms and checked the tutorial reward.

Then I nearly fell over in shock.

[Settlement complete.]

[You have cleared the tutorial on Infinity difficulty.]

[Infinity difficulty does not award clear points.]

[On Infinity difficulty, the extinction timer resets immediately upon clearing.]

[You may toggle the Infinity Difficulty Proof Badge ON/OFF.]

[Announcement to all players across the country.]

[A Korean player has cleared the tutorial on Infinity difficulty!]

[The extinction timer has been reset.]

[The extinction timer will resume in one week.]

“What?”

And that wasn’t even the end of the clear rewards.

Ding!

This time, an alarm rang from the Infinite Regression Gallery.

[Privilege unlocked!]

[Cross-dimensional trading feature unlocked!]

Sure enough, when I entered the Infinite Regression Gallery as the message instructed, a red notification dot was blinking beside one of the menu items.

I immediately checked the menu.

ㄴDirect Messages

ㄴScreenshots

ㄴRecording

ㄴCross-dimensional Trading Feature (NEW!)

ㄴLocked (lock emoji)

“Holy shit.”

The moment I saw it, my head grew hot.

I was excited.

A cross-dimensional trading feature?

I guaranteed that the Infinite Regression Gallery had never had a function like this before.

“This is... a moment.”

The instant I posted this, it would be a nuclear bomb that blew up the Infinite Regression Gallery.

Until now, there had only been one driving force in my life, the fulfillment that came after grueling trials.

Now there were two.

The dopamine I got from hanging around the gallery.

Without even pressing the menu, I took screenshots of the tutorial-clear reward messages and the gallery menu, posted them to the Infinite Regression Gallery, then stamped my feet as I waited for a reaction.

‘Hurry up and read it already! Someone react!’

Had I written too much?

It seemed like people needed time to read it.

Be patient, Han-gyeol.

The oasis you find after crossing a desert is always sweet.

As I calmly waited for comments, while stamping my feet like an attention-seeker, a thought suddenly came to me.

“Come to think of it, what kind of tutorial reward is this?”

I looked at the Tower messages.

A reward for Infinity difficulty?

Anyone could see that this reward was ridiculous.

Every player had to struggle to gather points just to barely delay the apocalypse, while I could reset the extinction timer with one clear.

‘I have no idea what the bonus badge feature will be for, though.’

Anyway, through the translucent window, I could see the Orc Chieftain’s corpse lying spread-eagled in the grassland.

“Hmm. Or is it?”

Honestly, considering the difficulty alone, wasn’t this reward fair?

To begin with, without infinite regression and the gallery’s help, the tutorial had been structured so that clearing it was impossible.

It had made me defeat the boss of the tenth floor, the boss that had driven humanity to despair, with my bare hands.

“Right. This is a fair reward.”

At least, I accepted the reward for Infinity difficulty itself.

The next part was the problem.

“The cross-dimensional trading feature.”

This was the main dish.

I hadn’t been an infinite regressor for long, but I immediately understood just how broken this feature was.

“A feature this absurd got unlocked?”

It was on another level from immediately resetting the extinction timer.

Even if the world ended, I could just regress.

In other words, as an infinite regressor, I had been free from the responsibility players had to bear from the very beginning.

Of course, being free of responsibility didn’t mean I would stop climbing the Tower, but still.

“This could genuinely change the entire landscape of the IRG.”

For example.

I had an item called a teleportation scroll.

What if I gave it to Dungeon Rogue?

“Wouldn’t that just end the game?”

Dungeon Rogue could escape the curse of five-minute regression.

“Hmm.”

But what happened to traded items after regression?

Was it a one-time thing, where using it once was the end?

I didn’t know yet.

I would probably have to read the menu myself.

Just as my patience reached its limit while I thought that...

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

The Infinite Regression Gallery comment notifications began ringing like crazy.

“It’s here! My second drug!”

I immediately started reading the comments.

ㄴSolo Hero*) What is this? Is it real? The trading feature got unlocked? Does that even make sense? Newbie, press that already.

ㄴHeretic Exterminator) B-Brother!!!!!!!! This is truly a miracle, Brother!!!!!!!!!!

ㄴVampire Princess) Newbie!! Immediately initiate a trade with this one!!

ㄴArchmage) Two thousand years. Does this mean that dimensional travel magic, which I researched for two thousand years without an answer, was truly possible? Newbie, you really are...

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) It works. This works. It really works. Hey, what do you need? Just say the word. This big bro will send you everything.

ㄴMartial God) Bwahahahaha!!! As expected of my disciple!! Newbie! You are the hope of the Infinite Regression Gallery!!!

ㄴDungeon Rogue) Ah.......

ㄴPuppetmaster) Mod, temp-ban everyone except me and Archmage right now.

ㄴSolo Hero*) Did you go into the trading feature? What is the structure? Is there a cooldown?

ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Ah, it has been such a terribly long time! Brother! May Sola-Estella look upon us...

ㄴArchmage) An absolute law has been broken twice in a row. Cross-dimensional trading? What, where, and how am I supposed to begin explaining this? I need to revise my regression routine from the start...

ㄴVampire Princess) Waaaah! Newbie! Please initiate a trade with this one! It is urgent!

ㄴDungeon Rogue) Youfuckingselfishbitchshouldn’tIgetthefirstchancebycommonsense?

ㄴVampire Princess) This one does not know! This one knows nothing of that! Be gone! You five-minute-regressor human bitch!

ㄴDungeon Rogue) What?Youbitchwhodeservestobefriedinsunlightyou’retheselfishone

“Wow.”

The reaction was far beyond my imagination.

How were fifty comments appearing every second?

I couldn’t even read them with my own eyes.

One blink, and the comment window was completely pushed back.

‘Ah, this is bad.’

The corners of my mouth kept twitching upward.

I knew.

I knew what the cross-dimensional trading feature meant to people exhausted by infinite regression.

I knew it wasn’t right to feel this way, morally speaking.

‘But I’m only human. What am I supposed to do?!’

Let’s be honest.

Being obsessed over like this?

It felt amazing.

For real.

“Heh!”

That was when Puppetmaster’s comment, which carried a certain chill amid the chaos, especially caught my attention.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Mod. Temp-ban. Now.

ㄴSolo Hero*) Ah, right. This is too hectic. Hold on.

“Oh.”

Was it because this was a gallery used through mental power?

Or was it because Puppetmaster’s tone was unusually rigid?

Puppetmaster’s comment was ordinary, but it possessed a strange power that drew my gaze.

ㄴSolo Hero*) I’ll temp-ban everyone except you and Archmage first, yeah.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie. Listen carefully.

ㄴAmor Fati) Yeah?

ㄴPuppetmaster) I trust you understand the value of the privilege you just unlocked without me having to explain it.

ㄴAmor Fati) Of course. I was actually going to make a bait post, but this seemed a little too much, so I just posted it.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie, you can make any bait post you want, so don’t worry about it.

ㄴAmor Fati) Gasp.

ㄴPuppetmaster) The important thing is this. Newbie has now broken two absolute laws that we believed could never be broken.

ㄴAmor Fati) I’m kinda awesome lol.

ㄴPuppetmaster) It is seriously incredible. I think so too.

“No, Puppetmaster.”

I had thrown out a joke to lighten the mood. Why were they responding with a documentary...?

ㄴArchmage) Puppetmaster is right. Newbie, you are now the sole hope of our Infinite Regression Gallery.

ㄴAmor Fati) I know the trading feature is broken, but is it really that big a deal?

ㄴArchmage) It is that big a deal. I shall explain.

ㄴArchmage) The trading feature itself is an impossible miracle, but those three functions still locked away. Those locked functions hold limitless potential.

ㄴArchmage) If the first function is cross-dimensional trading, then there is an extremely high chance that the related functions will be connected to it. Where has Puppetmaster gone?

ㄴPuppetmaster) 78% chance they are functions related to dimensional travel.

ㄴArchmage) Precisely. First, trading. Then what?

ㄴAmor Fati) Don’t tell me?

ㄴArchmage) If objects can cross dimensional barriers, then could we not do so as well?

“Gasp!”

In an instant, realization struck my mind.

I was an irregular.

The laws of infinite regression that had never been broken did not apply to me.

That was why I could use the cross-dimensional trading feature, and perhaps even travel between dimensions!

What if Martial God crossed over into my world?

“Wouldn’t he actually smash the Tower?”

That wasn’t all.

If Solo Hero went over to Martial God’s world right now, couldn’t Solo Hero easily kill that Heavenly Demon guy too?

I had gotten better at judging things now, was what I was saying.

Even by Infinite Regression Gallery standards, the mod was on a whole other level.

Anyway, the trading feature I had opened was broken too, but the remaining locked functions were the true hope of the Infinite Regression Gallery users.

I returned to the Infinite Regression Gallery and finished reading Archmage’s comments.

ㄴArchmage) Two infinite regressors in one dimension. What do you think would happen? What if their tangled timelines collided?

ㄴAmor Fati) What would happen?

ㄴArchmage) This is merely theoretical, but...

ㄴArchmage) The regression points themselves would reset.

“!!!”

A reset of regression points.

“This is insane.”

That was the truly broken privilege, one that made the cross-dimensional trading feature look worthless in comparison.

I finally understood Puppetmaster’s attitude a little.

ㄴArchmage) Newbie, do you understand your position now?

ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie. You are the sole hope of the Infinite Regression Gallery.

ㄴAmor Fati) I get it. I get it now!!

ㄴArchmage) I sincerely hope you understand. This is not something to laugh off.

ㄴAmor Fati) Uh...

ㄴArchmage) Newbie, do you know what my regression routine is?

ㄴAmor Fati) Waking up at the academy and taking all the fortuitous opportunities for yourself?

ㄴArchmage) Burying my disciples’ bodies one by one in my subspace beneath the ruins of the magic tower that the dragon destroyed.

“Uh...”

I had thought Archmage was just a funny old man whose daily routine was getting worked up over whether martial fighters or mages were better.

“You had a past like that?”

The mood instantly turned solemn.

This was the kind of event that could make even a sociopath show empathy.

ㄴArchmage) I did not know. I did not know that the trigger for saving my regression points would be killing the dragon.

ㄴArchmage) I still regret that moment. If I had been a little calmer that day. If I had regressed immediately instead of killing the dragon. Perhaps I could have seen my beloved disciples again.

“...Whoa.”

They said that the deepest wounds did not show on the surface.

To think Archmage’s genre was an infinitely regressing trauma revenge story.

I truly hadn’t known.

“I’ll study magic harder.”

This time, I wasn’t lying.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Not every Infinite Regression Gallery user failed to reach a happy ending because their regression points became tangled, but most are like this.

ㄴPuppetmaster) So, Newbie. This is the lifelong wish of us infinite regressors.

ㄴPuppetmaster) We will spare no support we can give you.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Grow stronger, and grant all of us a happy ending.

“...”

After Puppetmaster’s comment, no more comments appeared.

The biggest reason was probably the mod’s temp-bans, but the solemn mood also played a part.

My nose stung.

This sensation, this feeling.

I felt like I would regret it for the rest of my life if I didn’t shout now!

I shouted toward the vast grassland, complete with an Orc Chieftain’s corpse.

“Of course I will!!”

Not that I was swept up in the mood or anything.

Of course I would help them.

It was only right that I help them.

Yes, absolutely.

“We’re practically family!”

The Infinite Regression Gallery users had been desperate to help me from the beginning. If you received something, it was only right to return the favor.

ㄴAmor Fati) I’ll grow stronger.

ㄴSolo Hero*) Newbie, I think I’m going to cry.

ㄴAmor Fati) I’ll grow stronger and grant everyone a happy ending!!

ㄴArchmage) That is it! That is exactly the attitude!

ㄴAmor Fati) National-power-level? No! I will not stop until I become a dimension-power-level player!!!!!

ㄴSolo Hero*) Your voice is too quiet, Newbie!!!

“I’ll grow stronger!!!”

ㄴAmor Fati) My goal is a happy ending!!!!!

ㄴSolo Hero*) Happy ending!!!!

ㄴArchmage) A happy ending!!!

“Phew!”

Ah, I understood now.

Why protagonists got so obsessed with grand goals like becoming the Pirate King or Hokage.

Long-term goals were important.

At this moment, I held in my heart a star that would shine across every dimension.

Sniff.

I wiped my nose and left a comment.

ㄴAmor Fati) With that said, I’m going to check the cross-dimensional trading feature.

ㄴSolo Hero*) (Character emote wiping their nose)

ㄴArchmage) (A dog dancing wildly while a character claps beside it)

ㄴPuppetmaster) ......I am never making a serious post again.

* * *

I only laughed for a moment after confirming Puppetmaster’s human side.

“Let’s see.”

I entered the Infinite Regression Gallery menu and clicked the cross-dimensional trading feature.

ㄴCross-dimensional Trading Feature (NEW!)

- The trading feature opens once for every floor you clear.

- It is not affected by regression and only applies to first clears.

- It does not accumulate even if you clear floors consecutively, and the trading feature locks again when you leave. Please make sure to use it once on every floor you clear.

- Trade items can be purchased with points at the trade-exclusive shop.

- Your trading partner is selected at random.

- Points held (5)

- Would you like to activate the trading feature? (Y/N)

“Huh?”

There were more restrictions than I had expected.

First, I could only trade once for every floor I cleared.

Furthermore, I couldn’t choose what items could be traded. A separate shop would open instead.

When I clicked on points, it said they were awarded for clearing floors or achieving accomplishments.

Clearing floors was simple enough, but accomplishments?

I guessed I would have to unlock one to find out.

“Well, I can accept that.”

The most important restriction was this.

A random trading partner.

“No, that’s too unfair.”

What if some gallery user was so unlucky they never got picked in their entire life?

Of course, the main dish wasn’t this trading feature, but the functions that would be unlocked later. Still.

For now, I took a screenshot and left the menu.

The temp-bans had been lifted, and the gallery had been in chaos since earlier. The first post I saw was from Dungeon Rogue.

[Newbie, you can reset regression points, right?]

[Posted by: Dungeon Rogue]

Please.

“Oh, man.”

This post made the mood solemn for an entirely different reason from Archmage’s.

ㄴVampire Princess) Ah, this one is sorry about earlier.

ㄴSolo Hero*) Just believe. Don’t doubt.

ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Sister, we can see the light!

I immediately left a comment.

I had even experienced three-minute regression myself.

“Honestly, it’s not something a person should have to endure.”

Dungeon Rogue had apparently been going through that for over a thousand years.

If dimensional travel was really possible, I decided Dungeon Rogue would be the first person I saved.

ㄴAmor Fati) They say the possibility is high? If it works, I’ll save you first lol.

ㄴDungeon Rogue) You said it.

ㄴDungeon Rogue) You know there are no take-backs, right?

ㄴDungeon Rogue) I took a screenshot of this.

ㄴVampire Princess) You damned bitch!

ㄴAmor Fati) Lmaooooooo.

ㄴDungeon Rogue) Thaaanks, Newbie hehe.

I snickered as I looked at Dungeon Rogue’s post.

“This person definitely isn’t sane.”

Still, it was fortunate.

Dungeon Rogue seemed to be enjoying life in their own way.

I kindly replied to posts desperately calling for me and made a post of my own.

[So, this is the gist of the trading feature.]

[Posted by: Amor Fati]

(Screenshot of the detailed cross-dimensional trading feature explanation)

(Photo of a Tower message stating that ten minutes remain to stay in the tutorial stage)

It locks again if I go to the next floor, and I’ll be forcibly kicked out in ten minutes anyway, so I’m just using it, okay?

ㄴSolo Hero*) Yeah, let’s try it. I have plenty to give right away. My subspace ring is full of famed swords and artifacts.

ㄴArchmage) The same goes for me. I have more elixirs than I could ever need!

ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Ugh, our church doesn’t have much suitable to offer right away. Still, we can give you a few holy relics...

ㄴVampire Princess) This one shall grant you this one’s blood!

ㄴPuppetmaster) My automated combat dolls are on standby.

ㄴMartial God) Ah, I was going to give elixirs too, but that overlaps with old man. Then I’ll give you some useful hidden weapons or lethal poison.

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) You’re not even an assassin.

ㄴMartial God) I have my reasons, punk.

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) I can give you a basic augmentation procedure kit and high-grade artificial organs too.

ㄴDungeon Rogue) All I have to give is my dagger ㅠ

ㄴAmor Fati) Thanks, everyone.

ㄴAmor Fati) I don’t have many points anyway, and this is the first trade, so don’t get too tense.

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Got it. Get tense, right?

ㄴAmor Fati) Exactly lol.

After Poisoned My Blade’s comment, which understood me perfectly, I activated the menu’s trading feature.

Of course, recording was basically a passive skill by now.

“Cross-dimensional trading feature, open!”

Maybe it would be Solo Hero, Archmage, or Puppetmaster!

The moment I pressed the Y button, the gallery screen changed in an instant and became a round wheel.

Ta-da-da-dun, dun, ta-da-da-dun, dun!

The round wheel was divided like slices of pizza.

The crust of each pizza slice displayed the fixed usernames of the Infinite Regression Gallery users.

“This is a roulette wheel?”

A traditional gambling machine with classic charm.

As I smirked at its crude design, the roulette wheel began spinning on its own.

Whirrrrrrrrr!

The colorful pizza slices blended together in an instant.

“Oh, oh! Ooooh!”

Were classics eternal after all?

The tension was no joke.

This was nothing, so why were my palms getting sweaty?

My eyes spun.

Of course, as an enhanced human strengthened by a core, I could concentrate and fix mana in the circuits around my eyes to clearly see the roulette wheel spinning.

“But that would be no fun.”

Clenching my fists, I fixed my eyes on the roulette wheel.

Whirrrrr!

As the red arrow in the upper middle gleamed brightly, the wheel gradually began to slow.

Whirrr, whirr, whirr...

About ten more seconds passed.

The wheel stopped.

Baam, ba-ba-bam!

“Gasp!”

I looked at the fixed username indicated by the red arrow.

The first-ever winner of cross-dimensional trading in the Infinite Regression Gallery was...

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