WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Irevi
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈
Chapter 11: Chocolate Bar
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“Dungeon Rogue?”
The owner of the pizza slice shining proudly after being chosen by the red arrow was Dungeon Rogue.
Personally, I was a little disappointed it wasn’t the head mod, Archmage, or Puppetmaster, but whatever.
“She said she could give me a dagger, right?”
Not bad.
A close-range attack option capable of critical-hit burst damage.
I had a ranged harassment skill, so this was exactly the kind of damage card I needed.
“Honestly, it’s better than a longsword I can’t use right away.”
I’d seen them plenty in comics, but I’d never actually held a real longsword.
An unfamiliar divine weapon might be worse than a familiar weapon I could use immediately.
At least I’d held a kitchen knife before.
First, I stopped recording and shared the good news with the gallery.
[Congratulations! The winner isss-]
[Author: Amor Fati]
(Thumbnail of the stopped roulette wheel)
Dungeoooon Rooooogue-!
(A sticker of two bizarre characters clapping one after another)
ㄴSolo Hero*) Ah, why did it have to be Dungeon Rogue?
ㄴArchmage) This is quite a shame.
ㄴVampire Princess) The odds were rigged!
ㄴMartial God) The dagger Dungeon Rogue uses is good, but... hmm, how should I put it? It’s a little iffy.
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Congratulations, sister!
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Ugh, that useless bitch lol
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Huaaangaaahaaahhh!!!!
ㄴAmor Fati) grats grats grats grats grats
ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie, wait a second.
ㄴAmor Fati) Yeah?
ㄴPuppetmaster) Isn’t there more of an explanation? There’s no information on what happens to traded items after regression.
I looked through the Infinite Regression Gallery menu again after seeing Puppetmaster’s comment.
“Hmm. Yeah, I still don’t see anything.”
ㄴAmor Fati) I was wondering too, but there’s nothing. The screenshot I posted earlier is all there is.
ㄴPuppetmaster) Got it. Looking at it this way, it’s fortunate that Dungeon Rogue was the first winner.
ㄴAmor Fati) ?
ㄴPuppetmaster) She’s a Five-Minute Regressor. That means we can immediately test how traded items react to regression.
“That’s true.”
All right, let’s think about this.
I gave Dungeon Rogue a teleportation scroll through a trade, and I received a dagger.
What if Dungeon Rogue regressed?
Would the teleportation scroll follow her regression?
What would happen to the dagger I received?
If I regressed, would the dagger disappear too?
As I got lost in those thoughts, something suddenly occurred to me.
ㄴAmor Fati) Ah, this just occurred to me. We’re infinite regressors, right? What if the dagger gets traded to me, then Dungeon Rogue regresses and it disappears?
ㄴPuppetmaster) Don’t worry about it. Weapons don’t mean much to Dungeon Rogue anyway.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) New bie are you wor ried a bout me?
ㄴAmor Fati) No, you said it was your main weapon;; Wouldn’t it be bad if it disappeared? It’s our first trade anyway, so you could give me something useless.
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Ah, brother! How can you be so kindhearted...!
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) LOOOOOOOOOOL
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Ughh.
“...”
Judging by their reactions, losing their main weapon didn’t seem to matter at all.
In that case, whatever.
There was nothing holding me back.
I immediately activated the trade feature.
A trade window and a trade-only shop appeared before my eyes at once.
Flash!
The trade window was simple.
Two square boxes with an arrow emoji between them to indicate an exchange. A straightforward design.
The trade-only shop was attached right below it.
-Trade-Only Shop
-List of Available Products
“What kind of product list is this?”
I’d expected items from the Tower.
Mana stones, single-use potions, something like that.
“This is basically just a Dai*o.”
They were all modern-day goods.
No matter how hard I looked, I couldn’t find a single item that seemed to come from the Tower.
I only had five points, too.
Still, I wanted to give Dungeon Rogue something that would help her escape her five-minute regression.
“What am I supposed to give them, then?”
As I scrolled through the product list and considered my options, a trade message from Dungeon Rogue arrived.
Ding!
-Dungeon Rogue: It’s called the Snake Dagger. It doesn’t have any crazy special functions, but its cutting power and piercing power stats are MAX, so you should be able to use it right away!
-Dungeon Rogue: Newbie! It’s a weapon that doesn’t mean much to me, so don’t worry about it and just put up the cheapest thing!
-Dungeon Rogue: Newbie? I’m seriously fine, so don’t waste points for no reason. Just accept it already ㅠㅠ
“Hmm.”
Just as she said, a dagger and its sheath had already been registered in Dungeon Rogue’s square box.
The blade was wavy like a snake, with a greenish sheen over it.
I had no idea how much an item from another world was worth, but I had memorized every Tower item I could before information on the Tower was restricted.
It was an immutable truth that the better an item looked, the more valuable it was.
Even I, someone with no eye for design, saw Dungeon Rogue’s dagger and immediately thought, This thing is awesome.
She herself had said that its cutting power and piercing power were MAX.
What did that mean?
“I don’t feel right just giving her anything.”
-Amor Fati: Is there any specific kind of thing you want? The shop only has normal stuff, so I feel bad just giving you anything;;
-Dungeon Rogue: ......Does it sell food, by any chance?
“Ah!”
Food?
Why hadn’t I thought of that?
About ten percent of Dungeon Rogue’s shitposts were always about wanting to eat something.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
She said she’d been through five-minute regressions for at least a thousand years, right?
“She hadn’t been able to put food in her mouth all that time?”
What kind of hell was that?
It was the kind of hell where the King of Hell and Hades would put their arms around each other’s shoulders and say, “That’s a bit much...”
Archmage too. I could finally understand why the atmosphere in the gallery had been like that before I arrived.
‘A ruined infinite regression really is a curse.’
I immediately searched through the shop window for food that cost five points.
As a human being, I simply couldn’t bring myself to save my points.
“First, exclude anything that needs cooking.”
She did have five minutes, but there was no way she had hot water or a microwave.
More importantly, it needed to be edible immediately, and the stronger the taste, the better.
As I quickly scrolled down, one product caught my eye.
“This is it!”
The instant I found it, I bought it and dragged it into the trade box.
-Amor Fati: Do you like sweet stuff?
-Dungeon Rogue: !!!!!
-Amor Fati: Hehe, good. It’s called a chocolate bar. It’s sweet.
-Dungeon Rogue: If there’s ever anything I can do to help you, I’ll definitely help, Newbie! Thank you! Thank you so much!!
The moment I pressed Complete Trade, the two square boxes swapped places and the trade ended.
Ding!
-Trade Complete!
The trade window disappeared. Then a white glow began gathering in midair, and the dagger Dungeon Rogue had registered appeared before me with a pop!
-Please receive your product!
The dagger floated in the air as though trapped in an air bubble.
I burst the bubble with a pop! and pulled the dagger from its sheath.
First of all, it was strangely light.
It felt like I was holding a mechanical pencil.
And wherever it had been stored, a faint warmth still lingered in the sheath and handle.
“Ooh.”
This was like the daggers high-ranking assassins used, wasn’t it?
Now that I could sense the flow of mana, I could clearly see extraordinary streams of mana flowing from the dagger.
“They said its piercing power and cutting power were MAX, right?”
I immediately gripped the dagger in reverse and walked toward the Orc Chieftain’s corpse.
Then I thrust it in.
Thunk!
“!”
What was this feeling?
The dagger pierced the orc’s tough hide without any significant resistance.
The same went for pulling it out.
It just slid right out.
“This is insanely good... Why was she sorry about giving me this?”
Why did I struggle like a lunatic for two months?
It was because that bastard’s skin had defenses that were practically invincible.
That simple, brutal defense and destructive power were exactly why humanity had despaired.
If I’d had this weapon from the beginning, forget two months.
I could’ve finished it in three days.
“It’d be a huge shame if this disappeared after regression.”
Captivated by the green blade, I stared at the dagger for a long time.
“My precious...”
Only after the Tower ordered me to leave did I finally take my eyes off it.
[Returning to the original location shortly...(5)]
It was time to go home.
I flicked the blood off the dagger and put it back into its sheath.
“Still, I wonder what’ll happen to the chocolate I gave Dungeon Rogue.”
I hoped it would follow her regression.
Honestly, it would be too cruel if she only got a taste and that was it.
* * *
Dungeon Rogue, Serina Sirandel.
She had been a successful explorer among Labyrinth City’s rogue class, but she had revealed the existence of infinite regression and become trapped in hell.
“Th-this is a chocolate bar?”
A delicate voice echoed through the labyrinth’s maze.
She had escaped diligently, so she still had five minutes to spare.
Serina held the three neat rectangular bars the newbie had sent in her hands.
“Sniff, sniff.”
Paper wrapping.
A faint sweet scent leaked through it.
“Haa, haa!”
With trembling hands, she tore open the paper wrapping.
Inside was another wrapping made of an unusual silver material.
“Do I eat this...?”
She gave it a small lick with her tongue and realized it seemed to be double-wrapped.
When she carefully peeled away the foil, a brown square of food finally revealed itself.
“Chocolate bar.”
She savored its scent as thoroughly as she could, then brought it to her tongue and licked it.
Lick.
“!!!!”
Lick, lick, lick!
‘M-my tongue won’t stop!’
A thrilling sweetness she had forgotten for over a thousand years traveled through her taste buds and kneaded her brain.
“Haa, this is crazy!”
She licked up an entire chocolate bar in an instant.
A thousand years.
A thousand years.
For someone who had endured more than a thousand years of five-minute regressions, the sweetness of this chocolate bar was truly heavenly.
“Ughh!”
Her legs gave out, and she collapsed in the maze, crying.
Sweet.
Unimaginably sweet.
Tears of joy streamed down her face as she opened another chocolate bar.
This one was darker in color.
A chocolate bar almost black in color.
“Sniff, sniff.”
Its scent was a little bitter too, so it seemed to have a stronger flavor.
Without hesitation, she removed the wrapper and bit into it with a crunch.
“Mm!”
Sweet and bitter.
The sweetness that slipped in perfectly after the pleasant bitterness was another exquisite flavor.
“Hup, hup, hup!”
Crunch, crunch, crunch!
An infinite regressor who had never eaten a chocolate bar soaked in tears should not speak of infinite regression.
Of course, Serina was the type who had ruined herself by speaking of it, but still.
“Heek, haa.”
The stimulating compounds in the chocolate pounded against her brain cells, which had been dormant for so long.
After chewing and swallowing the dark chocolate bar, Serina peeled open the third chocolate bar’s wrapper like a drug addict.
“Huff, huff!”
This one was completely different in color.
A white chocolate bar.
Wondering what it could possibly taste like, she trembled as she savored its scent first.
“Inhale.”
Its scent was far softer and sweeter than the first two chocolate bars.
Her eyes rolled upward on their own.
Saliva poured from her mouth.
Inhale and exhale.
Her chest rose and fell.
Her limbs trembled, and the whites of her eyes showed.
Lick.
“Mmm!”
Lick.
“Haaah!”
Lick-crunch, crunch! Crunch! Crunch!
“Hup, huup, huphup!”
All three chocolate bars vanished in an instant.
“Haaah.”
That sweetness still lingered in her mouth.
Unable to bear the thought of its aftertaste fading, she rolled her tongue around.
Smack, smack. Smack. Smack smack smack.
Tears began flowing again.
She had witnessed a ray of light in hell.
But that was all it was.
After rolling her tongue around for a long while, she came to her senses.
“Huh?”
Only the miserably torn wrappers lay scattered across the maze floor.
She reached inside her clothes, searched her pockets, and shook out her outfit.
“H-huh?”
There was nothing.
They were gone.
Her one ray of salvation had come to an end.
“Waaah! No! No!”
She clutched the foil wrappers and sobbed as she sniffed them.
Puppetmaster had said there was a chance they would follow her regression.
But what if this was a one-time trade?
What if she regressed and could never taste this again?
“Please, gods! Sir Newbie! Sir Amor Fati!!!!”
It was too late.
Now that she knew this flavor.
She didn’t even want to imagine the life of an infinite regressor without chocolate.
“I can’t live in a world where your sweetness doesn’t exist!”
Rumble-rumble-rumble!
The entire labyrinth began shaking with a tremendous roar.
Clutching the chocolate bar wrappers tightly, she cried out.
“No, no! Wait!!”
The floor would soon collapse, and the Eye of the Abyss would destroy the labyrinth.
“Don’t leave me, please!!”
Her dried-up tear ducts worked unusually hard today.
“Waaaah!”
Clutching the chocolate wrappers as though they were precious treasures, she regressed.
* * *
Her regression point was waking from a light nap while leaning against a maze wall.
The moment Serina opened her eyes, she awakened every sense in her body.
She had regressed for a full thousand years.
To exaggerate a little, she could remember even the flicker of the torch on the wall.
She immediately noticed that something felt different against her chest.
“!”
It wasn’t her main weapon, the Snake Dagger.
This square shape...!
Serina squeezed her eyes shut and swallowed hard.
This should have been impossible.
Regression was limited to the mind.
Even if she had carried an elixir before regressing, how could it possibly follow her regression?
She could only remember where the elixir was and retrieve it again.
That was how it had to be.
The absolute law of infinite regression.
But the newbie?
The newbie was an infinite regressor who had already broken that absolute law twice.
Serina brought a trembling hand to the hollow of her chest.
Please, let the sensation of this rectangular object not be a hallucination she was feeling because she had gone insane!
Serina grasped the three chocolate bars that appeared in her hand and checked them.
“Sniff, sniff.”
The smell was unmistakable too.
Tremble, tremble.
Her entire body shook with uncontrollable joy.
The goods the newbie had sent through a trade followed regression!
“Haaah.”
She inhaled the faint sweetness seeping through the paper and foil wrappings, rolling her eyes back.
She had gained another hope to make those five minutes worthwhile.
Another driving force to look toward the future.
Crunch!
After eating one chocolate bar right there, she pressed her nose against the foil, savoring its scent as she murmured.
“The taste of the chocolate bars Sir Newbie gave me. I will never forget it.”
It was time to run.
She activated every acceleration-related skill and immediately took off.
Of course, she didn’t forget to make a proof post in the Infinite Regression Gallery, either.
[No suckers here who haven’t tried a ‘chocolate bar,’ right? LOL]
[Author: Dungeon Rogue]
(Photo of chocolate bars)
If there is such a thing as a heavenly flavor, could it be like this?
I suddenly feel so sorry for all of you who have never tasted this.
Hey, hey. What does it feel like to undergo infinite regression without even having a “chocolate bar”?
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Ah, I knew you’d flex, but this is even more disgusting than I imagined lol
ㄴSolo Hero*) I’m jealous... I want to try one too...
ㄴPuppetmaster) Is this the time to make a shitpost? What happened with your regression? It’s already been five minutes;;
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Ah, it followed my regression.
With that final comment, Dungeon Rogue, Serina Sirandel, closed the Infinite Regression Gallery and ran with all her might.
“Pant pant pant pant!”
To Serina, who ran with her tongue hanging out, the fact that her comment had caused the gallery to explode wasn’t all that important.
What mattered was the chocolate bars.
Her main weapon, the Snake Dagger?
She had never needed it in the first place.
The most important thing was securing five minutes as quickly as possible, then figuring out, “How can I enjoy chocolate bars even more deliciously?”
Footnotes:
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