I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With - Chapter 13

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Irevi

◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈

Chapter 13: Management Bureau (2)

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The Awakened Protection and Management Bureau, launched just yesterday and shortened to the Management Bureau, moved quickly.

Working with the National Intelligence Service, the Bureau combed through every online community and collected the IP addresses of posts claiming Tower messages had suddenly become visible.

Psychiatric departments were no different.

They compiled a list of patients who claimed they were suddenly seeing the Tower and Awakening in hallucinations and visions, or hearing voices about them.

That was not all.

The Bureau began recording every citizen whose behavior strayed from ordinary daily life.

It was, in a sense, a list of suspected Awakened.

Just the sort of move one would expect from a country that had made an artists' blacklist.

The process of sorting out citizens suspected of Awakening proceeded at lightning speed.

And on that list was the name of pro gamer Lee Han-gyeol.

* * *

Five days had passed since I cleared the Tutorial.

I had spent that time soaking my pillow with tears.

In the meantime, people connected to me, including the team and my coach, tried to contact me, but I ignored every one of them.

I had good reason to.

[The Newbie Cried Again Today Because He Can't Enter the Tower...]

Author: Amor Fati

(A photo of a pillow hilariously soaked with tears and snot)

Why... why do I have to wait a whole week?

Why? A week? Why?

A week? Why? Why?

Why? Why? A week?

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) I cannot even fathom how much this newbie likes the Tower

ㄴSolo Hero*) Come on... it's only a week. Just enjoy your life

ㄴAmor Fati) Monolith is my drug and my entertainment. I can't enjoy life without Monolith...

ㄴVampire Princess) The pillow photo is very cute indeed

That was right.

Those bastards had banned me from entering.

For an entire week!

“Heavens!”

Normally, I could enter once a day, but this was Infinity Difficulty.

I never dreamed there would be a week-long cooldown.

The day after clearing the Tutorial, I had actually entered the Tower right away, only to see a Tower message telling me to come back a week later. I had no choice but to panic.

Even today, nightmares had kept me awake at night.

[Sry, gotta come up with a way to counter infinite regression, so come back in a week lol]

“Graaah!”

Of course, the Tower message hadn't actually been that flippant. That was just what happened in my nightmare.

A long, humiliating time of oppression.

“Just one more day, and I can enter Monolith again!”

Like a lunatic, I bit my nails.

I didn't forget to hug my knees and rock back and forth, either.

That was how I stared at the clock's agonizingly slow second hand.

Of course, I hadn't spent all five days pointlessly like this.

I worked on getting in sync with my Core, and I intensely practiced using daggers in my head with the videos Dungeon Rogue, Martial God, and the head mod sent me.

A pro stays a pro, even in retirement.

But even training to take my mind off the Tower had its limits.

I simply couldn't wait another twenty-four hours.

[Monolith Opens Again in Just One Hour!]

Author: Amor Fati

(A photo of a porcelain doll with its hand on its head)

Because from now on, every hour,

I'm going to bash my head really damn hard and turn my brain into a complete mess!

If I erase my memories until Monolith reopens, then in an hour Monolith will be there again!

Just thinking about it? Is? So? Fun~!!

ㄴArchmage) I came in wondering if it hadn't been a week yet. This is serious.

ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Why go this far...

ㄴDungeon Rogue) What the hell is Monolith doing, you assholes -_-

ㄴMartial God) Hah. The brats in the Martial Alliance should learn from this newbie. If you're going to train, you need to be that crazy about it to accomplish anything.

ㄴPuppetmaster) You can enter tomorrow. Calm down.

“Sniff.”

At least I had the Infinite Regression Gallery crowd.

Without the Gallery, I might've actually gone insane.

Once again, I soaked my pillow with tears and tried to sleep.

Sleeping was the only way to delete time quickly.

* * *

The next morning.

Two Management Bureau agents in black suits and sunglasses loitered in front of an apartment complex in Seoul.

Female agent Lee Juhui took a sip of her Americano and asked, “Senior, what do you think the world'll be like from here on?”

Male agent Park Junyoung chugged his Americano straight from the cup as he replied, “What do you mean, what? We're one step away from drifting into genres like end times, dystopia, and apocalypse.”

“Ugh! You really think so, sir?!”

“Come on, Junior. Think long-long.”

“Huh?”

“Think long-term.”

“Oh.”

Crunch, crunch.

Park Junyoung chewed on ice and continued.

“Superpowered people are popping up everywhere. And that damned Tower is threatening to wipe out humanity. Do you think the existing social system will keep functioning normally?”

“Probably not, sir. Information control is reaching its limit too. They're making an official announcement today, right?”

“Right. Even if we can't do anything about the Tower right away, these people called Awakened are the problem. You know about what happened recently.”

“...I do. How could I not?”

Crunch!

“Haah. Why are there so many crazy people in the world?”

Park Junyoung scratched his head in frustration.

“But there are crazy people everywhere. Cults have already started appearing, and criminal groups are showing alarming signs of activity. If people that insane recruit superpowered people, we're finished.”

“Ugh, but I still don't think this is the right way.”

“Then take off your uniform if you don't like it.”

As a Management Bureau agent, Park Junyoung started walking toward the job he had to do.

No matter what happened to the world from now on, he would follow orders.

That was one thing that would never change.

Orders flowed down, obedience flowed up.

For Park Junyoung, who had sworn to give his life for the stability of this country, it was familiar.

“Ah, wait a moment, Senior.”

“What now?”

Lee Juhui hurriedly pulled a stiff autograph board and a marker from inside her jacket.

“...What's that?”

“Huh? Senior, you don't know?”

“Know what?”

“The player we're going to catch, Lee Han-gyeol! You don't know Emperor, the superstar of the pro gaming scene?”

“I read the files. So what? I'm not interested. And we're going as enforcers. We're not going for fun. Put it away while I'm asking nicely.”

Lee Juhui looked puzzled for a moment, then held out her phone to Park Junyoung.

Tap tap tap.

She tapped the screen with her index finger.

“What are you doing?”

“Look, Senior. This is called a touch...”

Bonk!

“Ow!”

Lee Juhui clutched her head, her face crumpling.

“Have you lost it?”

“Senior! Please have some cultural life! What, are you from the Joseon era? Does it make any sense not to know Emperor? He suddenly announced his retirement and disappeared for a whole week. If we're going to get an autograph, now's our only chance! And who knows? If he really Awakened, do you know how much a single autograph could sell for?”

At her cute little rebellion, Park Junyoung's eyes narrowed.

“The world's about to be turned upside down, and what? Cultural life? Autographs? We're going to catch a suspected Awakened. Like he'd happily give you an autograph, idiot.”

Park Junyoung grabbed Lee Juhui by the ear.

“Ah! Ah! Senior, wait! Senior! Your daughter! Your daughter, Senior!”

“Oh? Now you're bringing my family into this?”

“No, that's not it! Because of your missions, it's been over six months since you've seen your daughter, right? If you bring her Emperor's autograph when you go home, she'll jump for joy!”

Park Junyoung's grip loosened slightly.

“...Really? Girls like him too?”

“Have you ever seen me lie about something like this? To kids that age, boys and girls alike, Emperor is practically a religion! A religion! The sudden retirement is the problem, though...”

At the thought of his daughter liking it, Park Junyoung picked up the autograph board and marker Lee Juhui had dropped, then hurried forward.

“Senior! Senior! That's mine! Senior! Hey! Park Junyoung!!”

* * *

I sprang awake.

“You up?”

It was a truly beautiful day.

Birds sang, flowers bloomed...

Of course, I could neither hear nor see any of that in my rented studio apartment, but still.

“On a day like this, there's only one thing to do. Enter the Tower.”

It had been the longest week of my life.

Swoosh.

Using nothing but my Core, or rather, core strength, I sat up and headed straight for the bathroom.

A hum slipped out naturally.

‘What'll happen today?’

A one-on-one match against a boss-class monster?

Or a battle against overwhelming numbers?

Anything was fine.

As long as I could enter the Tower.

I lathered shampoo into my hair, my heart swelling with anticipation.

That was when it happened.

Beep-beep-brrt.

“Hm?”

It was a faint sound that an ordinary person could never hear.

But who was I?

A player on Infinity Difficulty, the owner of a Core made from an S-rank mana stone, the superstar of the Infinite Regression Gallery, Lee Han-gyeol, Amor Fati.

Ordinary. Normal.

I had graduated from words like those a long time ago.

Which meant I recognized that the faint sound cutting through the shower was coming from the front door.

“What?”

And that wasn't the end of it.

Step, step.

Footsteps.

At least two people.

‘You've got to be kidding.’

I wondered what that sound was, but they were picking my lock?

And the two intruders had already entered the living room.

There was no way I would sit still and let them take me.

I threw open the bathroom door and glared at the two audacious burglars who had dared to break into an infinite regressor's home.

Bang!

“Who are you?!”

What I saw was a man and a woman who had taken off their shoes before coming in.

Black suits, sunglasses, and golden tower-shaped badges pinned to their chests.

I didn't know about anything else, but I knew those badges well.

“...The Management Bureau?”

For a moment, I froze.

If they had simply been armed robbers, I wouldn't have been this startled.

I already knew that the Management Bureau would appear a week after Monolith's official launch.

But breaking into my home was a different matter.

Those people might have been obsessed with putting leashes around Awakened necks, but they weren't reckless enough to break into someone's home.

“Why are you here?”

That was when the female agent covered her face with her hand, while the male agent dropped the autograph board and marker he had been holding.

“Eek! Sorry! Sorry!”

“The Management Bureau? Did you just say the Management Bureau? How...”

Whoosh!

The male agent instantly shoved a hand into his jacket.

A practiced motion.

Speed that far outstripped an athlete's.

But from my perspective, an orc chieftain could've yawned and swung his club at least three times in that time.

‘You think I'd just take that?’

I tried to counterattack, but it came to nothing.

The shampoo foam resting on my head ran straight into my eyes.

“Ah, that stings, fuck!”

Was that timing for real?

Pfft!

In the instant my guard dropped, I heard something shoot through the air.

‘Damn, was that a tranquilizer dart?’

I couldn't see because my eyes were shut, but given the circumstances, it had to be a tranquilizer dart.

‘What the hell are these people doing?’

I didn't know.

Could this be the butterfly effect the Gallery users talked about?

Either way, there was no reason to let it hit me.

I ducked, then charged straight at the male agent.

Thud!

“Ghk!”

I rammed him into the wall, grabbed his waist, and took him to the ground.

‘Huh?’

Was it because I was soaked?

I had less strength than expected.

Even if I had held back because he was an ordinary person, there was no way I should be pushed back this much.

Squeak, squeak!

My feet kept slipping instead of serving as a brace.

That couldn't be right.

I was a player, enhanced by an S-grade Core!

“Damn it!”

That was when the male agent grabbed me in return.

“Lee Juhui! Now!”

“Aah! I don't know where to look, Senior!”

“You crazy bitch! This isn't the time for...”

“You Management Bureau bastards! Why the fuck are you doing this in my house in broad daylight?!”

“Senior! Keep holding him!”

Pfft! Pfft! Pfft!

“Aim before you shoot, you crazy bitch!”

“Sorry! Sorry!”

“You think you'll get away with this?!”

“Ugh! Under Management Bureau regulations, suspected Awakened are required to cooperate...”

“You sons of bitches!”

“Eek! Senior! Senior!”

Pfft! Pfft!

“Oh my! Young man! The young man downstairs! What's going on? Are you all right?!”

There had never been such a complete mess.

And there was one thing I realized far too late.

This male agent.

He was a power-type melee fighter.

I barely managed to glare at him through my bloodshot eyes.

“You bastard, are you a player?”

“Ghk, aren't you the same? A pro gamer, and you're strong as an ox.”

“Bullshit!”

Thud!

I concentrated and fixed mana in my forehead, then headbutted him.

If my opponent was an Awakened player, I didn't need to hold back.

Even among Awakened, I had an overwhelming advantage in this matchup because I could condense and fix mana.

With a single headbutt, both of his nostrils burst into blood and his eyes rolled back.

“Urgh!”

Thinking I had dealt with one of them, I rubbed my eyes.

Then...

Pfft!

“I-I hit him, Senior!”

A sharp sting bloomed in my butt, and strength began draining from my body.

“Hngh.”

Flop!

My body collapsed right on top of the male agent.

“...”

This was driving me insane.

A huge man with blood pouring from both nostrils.

Me, naked and soaking wet on top of him.

White shampoo foam scattered everywhere.

I felt like I might regress right now from sheer embarrassment.

No joke, should I really press the regression button?

But if I did, I would have to wait another week.

“Aaaah, what do we do?! Senior! Mr. Lee Han-gyeol! Are you all right?”

But unlike my firm determination, my body wouldn't listen.

Was it poison?

Circulating mana couldn't counter it perfectly.

My strength... was leaving me...

“Just what is this...?”

Still, perhaps circulating mana wasn't entirely ineffective. The sedative was taking effect just a little more slowly.

Lee Juhui answered between ragged breaths.

“W-we weren't trying to do anything bad... It's Management Bureau regulations... Sorry! We were originally going to use the tranquilizer dart neatly and escort you away... I guess I can't get an autograph now? Ugh, I'm a real fan, too.”

I doubted my ears.

‘What kind of insane thing is that supposed to mean?’

They broke into someone else's home, immediately fired tranquilizer darts, and planned to abduct me, but they weren't trying to do anything bad?

And she wanted an autograph in this situation?

“Y-you fuck...”

This was the limit.

I tried to endure by circulating mana, but this was an entirely different matter.

Just before losing consciousness, I barely moved my lips and immediately escaped this slapstick comedy scene.

“En...ter...”

Flash!

I didn't know what you people had taken to make you act like this, but you picked the wrong person.

You dared lay hands on an infinite regressor?