I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With - Chapter 14

WeTried Translations

Translator/Editor: Irevi

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈

Chapter 14: The Ways of an Infinite Regressor

──────

“Ughhh.”

I forced my stiff body upright.

At least I had succeeded in entering the Tower.

I had no idea how much time had passed.

I felt terrible.

My eyes still stung, dried shampoo made my scalp itch, and I was naked...

On top of that, I had not even had the strength to bring the dagger I had worked so hard to get.

“Those motherfuckers!”

I cursed the Management Bureau agents who had interrupted my Monolith run as soon as I came to.

“...Huh?”

The Snake Dagger was lying right beside me.

“Why is this here?”

I had definitely entered the Tower empty-handed.

I immediately picked up the dagger.

‘Is this part of the Infinite Regression Gallery perk, too?’

Did items received through trades automatically follow you into the Tower?

Whatever the case, it was incredibly fortunate.

My shitty mood improved a little.

Mwah!

After giving the dagger a few kisses, I opened the Infinite Regression Gallery.

Sure enough, the gallery users had been wondering why I had not posted anything for so long.

[Newbie, hurry and tell us how you are doing.][3]

[Where did you go, brother? You’re okay, right?][5]

[No worries. With the newbie’s personality, he might be happily doing attempts right now.][12]

[Maybe this stage takes a lot of time.][8]

[When is the newbie video coming up...][4]

The Infinite Regression Gallery really did love its newbie.

I immediately wrote a post.

[I’ve Been Through So Much]

[Author: Amor Fati]

Those Management Bureau bastards tried to kidnap me, so I ran into the Tower...

I was showering, and they just forced their way in;;

Got hit with a tranquilizer dart and just woke up

Fuck, how could they do this?

I expected some butterfly effect after I announced my retirement

But I never dreamed it would be this extreme

But I thought I left my dagger behind, and it followed me here?

So my lousy mood got a little better lol

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) What? Kidnapping? What the fuck are you talking about?

ㄴSolo Hero*) Those motherfuckers?

ㄴDungeon Rogue) newbieifyouregressstabthosebastardsinthegutswithmydagger howdarethey howdaretheytouchournewbie

ㄴHeretic Exterminator) This is difficult to tolerate.

ㄴArchmage) How dare they...!

ㄴMartial God) Ah, my blood pressure is fucking skyrocketing. Newbie, just wait. I’ll make you an all-poison immunity elixir right away.

ㄴVampire Princess) How dare such lowly humans lay a hand on my newbie...!

ㄴAmor Fati) I’m human too.

ㄴVampire Princess) Newbie is an exception.

“Phew.”

Getting showered with affection by the gallery users really did make me feel better.

Having allies who would take my side was reassuring.

Maybe it was because the dagger I had left behind had entered the Tower with me.

My natural resilience immediately washed away the depression, embarrassment, and anger in my heart.

...I hadn’t realized it, but I really didn’t expect to feel this good.

“Ahh, Monolith.”

The light of my life.

The flame in my chest.

My sin... no.

My soul.

I scratched my itchy head as I savored the sweetness of an oasis after a week without it.

Then Puppetmaster left a comment.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie, what do you want to do?

“What do I want to do?”

I was feeling better, but my decision had not changed.

‘Obviously, I want bloody revenge.’

Cold revenge was always the scariest kind.

ㄴAmor Fati) Revenge... I want bloody revenge.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Got it. Then enjoy this floor first, then regress.

ㄴPuppetmaster) I’ll tell you how infinite regressors get revenge.

“What?”

The revenge methods of infinite regressors.

Now that was an interesting statement.

ㄴPuppetmaster) In the next run, approach that group called the Management Bureau amicably and farm information first.

ㄴAmor Fati) Then what?

ㄴPuppetmaster) I’ll tell you after you farm the information.

I tilted my head at Puppetmaster’s comment.

“What? Why are you suddenly pushing paid content?”

It left me feeling like I had stopped halfway through taking a dump.

No, she had acted like she was about to teach me some merciless revenge method, then suddenly cut it off like that was the end of the free preview.

Of course, even without Puppetmaster telling me, I could vaguely guess what this infinite regressor revenge method was.

I knew how powerful information could be.

I was just curious why she had cut it off there.

ㄴAmor Fati) There are two ways to make someone angry. The first is to stop talking halfway through, and...

I stopped there and waited for the gallery users’ reactions.

ㄴSolo Hero*) What? I’ve been waiting, so why isn’t there another comment? What’s the second way?

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Ah, Chief Mod, you dumbass. Hahahahahaha.

ㄴSolo Hero*) ?

ㄴPoisoned My Blade) What do you think it is? What’s the second way?

ㄴSolo Hero*) Poisoned, you’re banned for a day, fuck.

ㄴVampire Princess) They really got banned...

“Oh, Poisoned.”

When I clicked on Poisoned My Blade, it said the user had been banned.

They really went and banned them.

Anyway.

While the Chief Mod and Poisoned My Blade put on their little skit, Puppetmaster left a serious comment that still felt concerned for me.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Newbie... I deeply understand that you must be very confused and angry right now. This is unfortunate, and I am very angry too.

‘Actually, getting the dagger into the Tower made me feel better.’

Still, since it felt like she was trying to comfort me, I did not bother replying.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Even so, try approaching those two agents and the Management Bureau at least once before you make a judgment.

ㄴArchmage) Hmm. True enough. Considering what Puppetmaster went through, it is only natural for her to worry.

ㄴMartial God) Well, I want to cross dimensions right now and wreck that Management Bureau, but Puppet does have a point.

‘What?’

Until just now, the gallery had seemed ready to tear the Management Bureau apart, but suddenly it had drifted in another direction.

More people than expected agreed with Puppetmaster.

I could guess why that mood had formed.

Some circumstances they could not talk about, orders from above, the turns-out-they-were-good cliché.

Something like that.

In other words, there was still a chance they could be whitewashed.

“But I don’t think they can be whitewashed.”

They forced their way into the home of an ordinary person, not that I was one, in broad daylight and immediately tried to kidnap them. How could that be excused?

Of course, I did not directly reject Puppetmaster’s opinion with a blunt comment.

After learning Dungeon Rogue’s and Archmage’s circumstances, I knew everyone had things they could not speak of.

There was no need to reopen old wounds.

ㄴAmor Fati) I get what you mean. You’re saying I shouldn’t judge based on one side of the incident, but use the advantages of infinite regression to examine it from different angles before deciding.

ㄴPuppetmaster) Yep, exactly.

ㄴAmor Fati) But if they still can’t be whitewashed after looking at it from every angle, then I’ll have desperate, bloody revenge. Got it?

ㄴPuppetmaster) Of course. Then we’ll use all our knowledge to help you.

“Just as expected!”

Puppetmaster was, how should I put it?

The kind of gallery user who felt like a gentle teacher.

The kind of teacher who would not hesitate to give stern advice because they wanted their student to grow properly.

‘But also the kind who would never forgive anyone for hurting their student.’

Of course, my first impression of her had been that she was a gallery user who called me crazy.

ㄴAmor Fati) Received. For now, everyone come up with ideas in case this turns into something that can’t be whitewashed. I’m going to have some fun in the stage.

ㄴMartial God) Have fun lol. There are plenty of great ways to fuck them up.

ㄴSolo Hero*) But newbie, can’t you at least tell me what the second way is before you go?

I was about to activate the Infinite Regression Gallery recording function, but stopped and looked at the message before me.

[Welcome to Floor 1.]

[Floor 1 will begin when you leave the safe zone.]

[Defeat the enemy within the time limit.]

[10:00]

[Penalty for failure: Death]

Mm, this familiar interface.

My heart raced every time I saw it.

Monolith really was the best way to lift my mood.

“Ahh.”

At last, Floor 1 was properly starting.

I drew the dagger, pumped mana through my heart, and immediately cast Naked Dive.

“Geronimooo!”

Flash!

The surrounding scenery changed in an instant.

‘All right, who is it? What’s the Floor 1 monster?’

As soon as I sensed the change around me, my eyes darted about.

The stage was the same grassland as the tutorial.

Maybe because I was naked.

The wind felt especially cool.

“Snort?”

The first thing I saw was one Orc Chieftain, the same one I had dealt with in the tutorial.

The subtle difference in its reaction was the important part.

“Snort! Snort!”

Then there were two.

“Snort!”

Uh... three.

“Ha!”

With a wide grin, I immediately began to move.

The footwork technique Martial God had taught me.

Heaven-Shaking Mad Steps.

It was supposedly a movement technique only those who could completely separate mind and body could learn, which made it perfect for me.

Dodging non-targeted skills with irregular movements that the opponent could not predict had always been my specialty.

Whoosh, swish!

“Grrroooar!”

Just like in the tutorial, the bastard swung its club at me with movements that were exactly the same down to the smallest detail.

That was no longer a problem, but the other two were variables.

“Woooaaah!”

That one standing far away.

The huge staff and strange ornaments.

He practically screamed, I’m a shaman.

And in fact, after the shaman’s war cry, the Orc Chieftain’s body turned red.

At the same time, its speed became incomparably faster than it had been in the tutorial.

Of course, even if it was faster, its basic pattern was the same.

‘After the swing, a shoulder tackle!’

Whoosh!

Boom!

If it had moved at the same speed as in the tutorial, I could have gotten in two quick dagger hits, but that was impossible now.

For the moment, I used my footwork to swiftly evade the living tank and create distance.

‘What is the last one doing?’

I immediately checked what the remaining orc was up to.

In that brief instant.

Whoosh!

A massive stone flew toward me in the blink of an eye.

Only then did I understand the final orc’s class.

It was a ranged DPS.

A pure-blooded orc ranged DPS.

‘This is insane.’

You’re wondering how throwing rocks makes it a ranged DPS?

You don’t know what you’re talking about.

That was a slingshot.

That broken weapon David supposedly used to defeat a giant.

And an orc was using it.

‘No, there wasn’t even a windup? Shouldn’t it at least spin it around a few times before throwing?’

The slingshot orc, in other words the ranged DPS bastard, simply launched a stone at me.

The stone it threw was enormous.

Honestly, calling it a stone felt wrong.

That was just a boulder.

“One melee DPS, one ranged DPS, one mage?”

Screeeech!

The Core began to run wild with a sound like glass being scraped.

Did I still need more time to get used to it?

My last thought was, ‘That’s a good team composition...’ before I immediately pressed the regression button.

Slice!

That was my... which regression had it been?

Whatever. It was one of my regressions.

* * *

The familiar ceiling greeted me once more.

“Haaah.”

I could tell now just by breathing.

This was not an ordinary person’s body.

“It really was fixed.”

I had regressed to the instant right after clearing the tutorial and returning home.

I checked the date and time on my phone, and it was exactly that moment.

“Ha, I almost got completely screwed.”

I had gained two pieces of information from this regression.

First, if I had not been able to press the regression button during the tutorial, my life as an infinite regressor would have ended right there.

Second, regression points were saved whenever I cleared a floor.

As for the smell problem...

‘What can I do? It’s already fixed in the past.’

If there was a Mountain Spirit, all I could do was apologize.

At least it was not a park restroom.

Anyway.

It was time to properly devise a strategy.

“Three enemies. Two of them are a mage and a ranged DPS, and my weapon is one dagger.”

The Orc Chieftain?

Seriously, now that I had a dagger in hand, clearing it one-on-one without taking a hit in under three minutes was completely doable.

But it was a different story with a ranged DPS and a mage backing it up.

I stayed up all night discussing with the Infinite Regression Gallery users how to clear Floor 1 for sure.

I neatly ignored the posts from Heretic Exterminator, who had been flooding the gallery asking where the video was.

Anyway, while discussing a strategy for the hopeless trio, I also devised Operation Home Alone in case the Management Bureau bastards turned out to be villains beyond redemption.

I could not do anything about the Management Bureau bastards right now.

No matter how much of an infinite regressor player I was with an S-grade Core, I could not take on a nation just yet.

‘There is a reason the phrase national power level exists.’

You needed to be at least as strong as Han Siyeon had been in my first timeline to be at national power level.

So what mattered was digging up their information in this run.

To keep the outcome from changing compared to the last run, I first announced my retirement and opened the Infinite Regression Gallery again.

Waiting a week annoyed me to no end, but now that I had information on Floor 1, it was bearable.

Spending time with no knowledge at all and spending time considering things with stage information were worlds apart.

From what I could see, I did not think I would have a chance to clear it after only one or two retries this time either.

Writing strategy guides was always fun.

It was about time I found a new way to improve my stats.

For now, I needed to spend my time discussing various methods and searching for a strategy.

Time flew by.

The long-awaited day of entry.

As I watched the Infinite Regression Gallery, which had turned into a massive keyboard war between the martial arts faction and the magic faction for nearly an entire week, I began to hear footsteps in front of my door.

Step... step...

“They’re here, the Management Bureau bastards.”

If they thought I had merely wasted the past week browsing the gallery, they were sorely mistaken.

Infinite regressors always had a plan.

Just before they forced open the door, I boldly opened the front door myself.

Bang!

The two agents stared at me with dumbfounded faces.

I immediately activated the badge function of Infinity difficulty, which I had thought was useless.

Flash!

A bright white glow gathered, forming a Möbius strip-shaped badge on my chest.

The badge symbolizing infinity shone, proving that I was the Infinity difficulty challenger.

Then I proudly addressed them.