WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Irevi
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈
Chapter 31: One Bed Is Enough
──────
After finishing the language lessons and filling her up with ramen and kimchi, I cautiously asked Pinocchia,
“Pinocchia, you were tilting your head and thinking earlier. What was that about?”
“Ghk!”
After patting her round belly for a moment, Pinocchia furrowed her brow and concentrated again.
Before long, she shook her head.
“Honestly, I’m not sure either. I only know that it felt... very familiar. Is that what they call déjà vu?”
Hearing that, I clenched my fist and cheered inwardly.
‘As expected of the Infinite Regression Gallery.’
So they had not shown me Red Dot just to reassure me.
For now, I kept a poker face as though it were no big deal.
“So nothing specific comes to mind?”
“I’m sorry, Master. I searched through my artificial brain’s memory storage, but there was nothing particularly special. I just... had a feeling-like feeling.”
“No, you don’t need to force yourself to remember. Tell me later if anything comes back to you. By the way, could you clean up?”
“Of course!”
Pinocchia smiled brightly and finished cleaning up in no time.
With that taken care of, I gave Pinocchia her second order.
“Now go, Pinocchia!”
“Just leave it to Pinocchia!”
Now that Pinocchia’s taste buds had been thoroughly spoiled by modern seasonings, I gave her the mission of exterminating the cockroaches.
I was moving out anyway.
‘But I don’t want to live with cockroaches for even one day.’
Whoever moved in afterward should thank me.
Pinocchia began searching for cockroaches with dazzling movements, dismantling the sink and tearing off wallpaper.
Whirr! Whip!
Of course, I did not want to see the horrible sight from the previous Run, so I headed straight for the shower.
When I came out, Pinocchia was sweeping black ashes into a garbage bag.
I did not even need to look.
She had burned them all.
I snickered and shook my head.
“What? You didn’t eat them?”
At my question, Pinocchia answered with the complicated expression of someone who had been cheated out of half her life.
“I’m sorry, Mother, but this Pinocchia never wants to put such food in her mouth again. I cannot understand how I ate such horrible food until now!”
“Exactly.”
With that, I sealed away another function that should not exist.
After roughly drying my hair, I removed a soft cushion from the couch and carried it into my room.
Seeing that, Pinocchia scampered over, removed another cushion from the couch, and came to my side.
“I’ll help, Master!”
Pinocchia and I each carried a couch cushion into my room.
I placed the cushions beside my bed and brought over the remaining towels.
Ta-da!
It was a shabby sleeping arrangement straight out of an apocalypse story.
“That completes the temporary bed.”
It was shabby, but not bad enough that someone could not sleep on it for a day.
Pinocchia’s eyes fluttered as she gave off a bright pink glow.
“I wondered why you were moving the cushions, but y-you meant for us to sleep together, Master!”
As she spoke, Pinocchia drew out her mana threads and began throwing the couch cushions back outside.
“?”
Zip, zip, zip!
Whoosh! Whoosh!
“One bed is enough.”
All I could do was watch in disbelief.
‘Oh, look at her.’
Just like with the Magic stone incident last time.
Pinocchia had quite a temper, did she not?
Not to be outdone, I drew out my mana threads and grabbed the cushions again, bringing them back into my room.
Zip, zip, zip!
Whoosh!
The couch cushions, which had been expelled, promptly returned to their original place.
An awkward silence settled over my room.
“...”
“...”
Our mana threads were connected through the cushions.
Watching that ridiculous sight, I spoke first.
“Pinocchia.”
“Yes, Master.”
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m removing unnecessary things.”
Our gazes collided in midair.
How had this happened?
I knew Pinocchia had picked my lock and snuck into my room during the previous Run.
‘But she wasn’t coming on this strongly.’
After thinking about it for a moment, I understood what had changed from the last Run.
I had scolded her when her speech-pattern learning glitched.
I had screamed like a child upon seeing the cockroach protein bar.
Pinocchia had become dejected.
‘So that was why she had not been so forward. Now that I openly let her into my room, she’s riding high.’
In that case, I had no choice but to teach her the Master’s dignity again.
Pinocchia might be several levels above me in Mana Thread Manipulation, but I did not think I was inferior in raw mana output.
Twang... twang...
Pinocchia and I stared each other down as we wound mana threads around our cores.
“Such nerve, Pinocchia.”
“Now that Master has permitted us to sleep together, this automaton Pinocchia has no intention of backing down.”
Of course, I knew.
If I gave a stern order, she would tuck her tail and become despondent anyway.
But I did not want to do that.
“You’re... stronger... than you look.”
“This automaton Pinocchia is a decisive battle weapon, day and night!”
Twang... twang...
The mana threads stretched taut enough to snap.
It was a truly explosive situation!
The conclusion, however, was surprisingly anticlimactic.
Riiip!
Puff, puff, puff!
Unable to withstand the tension, the couch cushions tore apart and scattered white stuffing everywhere.
“...”
Fluffy clumps of cotton drifted down all around us.
I stared at Pinocchia.
Pinocchia did not know what to do, then avoided my gaze.
“S-sorry...”
“You’ll sleep on the floor tonight.”
“Waaah.”
* * *
Of course, I did not actually make Pinocchia sleep on the cold floor.
I roughly restored the shape by weaving the stuffing together with mana threads.
It resulted in a sleeping arrangement that really did look like something from an apocalypse story, but still.
She brought it on herself.
Lying in bed, I said goodbye to Pinocchia.
“Good night, Pinocchia.”
“Yes, good night to you too, Master!”
I knew she would turn on mana humidifier mode herself once I fell asleep, so I decided to browse the gallery as I shifted around.
‘Let’s see...’
It was nearly certain that the Infinite Regression Gallery’s locked function was related to memory inheritance.
And now that information about the Second Floor had been released.
What kind of strategy would the gallery users come up with?
As I entered the gallery and checked the topic, I had no choice but to sit upright immediately.
“What the hell is this?”
“Huh! Master?”
Sorry, but Pinocchia’s cry did not reach my ears right then.
“The Second Floor is set in Heretic Exterminator’s world?”
“M-Master?”
This did not seem like an ordinary serious situation.
* * *
[No, seriously, I played with Pinocchia for a bit and now everything’s gone crazy;;]
[Author: Amor Fati]
Is this for real?
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) You’re here, Brother!!
ㄴSolo Hero*) Why are you so late, newbie?
ㄴAmor Fati) I was asking Pinocchia something.
ㄴAmor Fati) She seems to feel a subtle déjà vu, so it is confirmed that the Infinite Regression Gallery’s function concerns memory inheritance.
ㄴAmor Fati) But more importantly, the Second Floor is set in Heretic Exterminator’s world?
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Legendary situation lol
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Newbie! This floor might be a free clear!
My eyes widened as I read Dundo’s comment.
‘A free clear... is possible?’
ㄴAmor Fati) A free clear? Could it be...!
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Ohoho.
Heretic Exterminator laughed slyly.
I smiled along with her.
‘A free clear, a free clear, a wonderful free clear?!’
I looked at Pinocchia, whose eyes had gone round.
“A-Are you all right, Master?”
“I’m fine. An amazing idea just suddenly came to me.”
Well, it was not my idea, but still.
Anyway, judging by the situation, I had a feeling no further explanation was needed.
A strategy guide from Heretic Exterminator!
If this was not a free clear, what was?
ㄴPuppetmaster) My guess is that the Infinite Regression Gallery may have used causality.
ㄴPuppetmaster) Thanks to that, this floor may really allow a free clear.
ㄴAmor Fati) The gallery used causality? How do you know?
ㄴPuppetmaster) It is not certain. The circumstances simply make it likely that the gallery acted first.
ㄴAmor Fati) Okay, got it. Then what are the chances of a free clear... what percent?
ㄴPuppetmaster) Sorry, newbie. All my calculating dolls are being repaired, so I cannot calculate the precise odds.
ㄴArchmage) Ha! There is no need to hear the odds! It is guaranteed!
ㄴMartial God) Couldn’t agree more with the old man lol This is totally a free-clear setup lol
ㄴVampire Princess) Hah! Newbie! Was there no separate achievement message?
ㄴAmor Fati) No, not really.
ㄴVampire Princess) Ah, what a shame. Sixty points is quite disappointing.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) You shameless bitch, why is that unfortunate?
I laughed briefly at Vampire Princess, who was already counting her chickens, then turned serious again.
ㄴAmor Fati) Sorry, Vamp, but 10 points belong to Dundo, so it’s 50 points lol
ㄴAmor Fati) If it stays at 50 points, that’s comparable to Puppetmaster’s.
Of course, clearing the floor would bring in more shop points.
ㄴVampire Princess) ...Did you say Dundo’s three-variety Chocolate Bar set costs five points?
ㄴAmor Fati) Yeah.
ㄴVampire Princess) It is unfortunate, but ten sets would not be bad.
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Where’s that mosquito bastard who was sulking and saying they weren’t jealous at all? lol
ㄴVampire Princess) Shut that mouth! You rude thing!
ㄴPuppetmaster) Ah, please stop.
ㄴSolo Hero*) If you keep spouting nonsense, I’ll ban you~
Puppetmaster’s sharp comment was soon joined by the Head mod, who wielded absolute power. The two quickly went quiet.
After a brief chilly silence, Heretic Exterminator began typing.
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Ohoho. Brother, are you ready to hear my story?
ㄴAmor Fati) Sure. Lay it on me.
The memories of that day, as told by Heretic Exterminator.
After reading the backstory and strategy she gave me, I finally understood.
Why the other gallery users had confidently declared that this would definitely be a free clear.
Because the NPC I had to rescue was Heretic Exterminator herself.
Footnotes:
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