WeTried Translations
Translator/Editor: Irevi
Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried
◈ I Became the Upbeat Newbie the Infinite Regressors Are Obsessed With ◈
Chapter 5: I Told You I Could Do It
──────
Archmage Chronos Asterion.
He was leisurely drinking tea and browsing the Infinite Regression Gallery in the pocket dimension he had created.
The newbie, Amor Fati, had already grown sick of the dantian breathing technique Martial God had taught him and was looking for a shortcut.
“Hoho! You still haven't shed the trappings of an ordinary person.”
He had time to burn.
Yet the newbie was already tired of just three years and ten regressions.
That was what made newbies so cute.
Chronos recalled a memory from several thousand years ago.
“Master of the Mage Tower, does this mana breathing technique really work?”
It was a memory of a disciple who had now vanished beyond the eternal timeline.
Chronos savored that happy memory for a moment, then clicked his tongue.
“Tsk. Of all things, this is a world where mana has only just begun to flow.”
If he could, he wanted to give the newbie one of the countless spiritual elixirs rotting away in his storage and make him a core.
But dimensional travel magic was something even Archmage Chronos was still researching, so it was impossible.
“In the end, the dantian is the answer.”
In a world where mana flowed, anyone could learn a knight's aura hole or a martial artist's dantian.
A core was not something you could acquire through study.
You either had to be born with the right bloodline.
Or force mana circuits through your body with a spiritual elixir.
“If only it were possible, a core would be ideal.”
Given the requirements, a core was incomparably superior to a mana hole or dantian of the same level.
That made it all the more regrettable.
“Will he become a melee type this time, too?”
Chronos smacked his lips, but only for a moment.
The newbie left a comment.
ㄴAmor Fati) Can you make a core with a 99% pure mana stone?
Chronos stroked his white beard and smiled bitterly.
The mana stone in the newbie's video.
It was truly an astonishing material.
Even for him, solidifying mana, which naturally flowed, into a physical form was no easy task.
As the newbie said, if a 99% pure mana stone existed?
It would already be an elixir of the ages in its own right.
An elixir that could turn even history's greatest dullard into a genius just by consuming it.
It would need to be processed first, of course, but what was the problem with that?
He only needed to tell the newbie how.
“However, it is impossible.”
The newbie's plan was obvious.
He would use the ticket received as a first-entry privilege and regress until he got a high-purity mana stone.
“The world does not work that way.”
The appearance of each dimension might differ slightly, but the truths of the universe were universal.
A mountain was a mountain, and water was water.
Mathematics followed the same rules in every world.
Tickets were the same.
Rewards issued by the system in that form had their result fixed the moment they were observed.
It was an absolute truth.
An absolute law he had discovered while studying infinite regression for countless eons.
Dungeon Rogue alone, with their status window, proved it.
“Goodness. I can't even imagine how many times he'll die.”
The newbie lacked any fear of death.
He would probably regress at least a hundred times, wouldn't he?
Chronos merely hoped the newbie would realize that creating a dantian through dantian breathing was the fastest route.
Not long after the newbie left the gallery, a new post appeared.
[Did It Drop?]
[Author: Amor Fati]
[Thumbnail: A tower message announcing an E-rank mana stone]
I got one, so of course I posted it lololololololol
Chronos's prediction had been wrong.
No.
It went beyond merely being wrong.
The truth of the universe had just been denied.
“What?!”
Chronos sprang to his feet.
Crack!
Crash!
His spine cried out and his teacup met its end, but neither mattered right now.
ㄴArchmage) ?????????
ㄴSolo Hero*) What would've happened if you hadn't tried it?;;
ㄴVampire Princess) That makes no sense, does it not?
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) A miracle!!!!! It is a miracle, brother!!!!!
ㄴMartial God) Newbie. What the hell are you?
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Holy shit, insane
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Why does this work?
ㄴPuppetmaster) A bug.... This is a bug....
ㄴAmor Fati) These reactions are delicious lol
ㄴAmor Fati) Going to reroll forever until an S-rank drops
After that, the newbie posted one update after another.
[Ah, So Close. B-rank][25]
[Third Try][9]
[Mana Stone Reroll, Try 2][12]
In the videos attached to the newbie's posts, the size and purity of the mana stone truly changed every time.
“This can't be!”
Chronos had become detached from most things after regressing thousands of times.
But now, his mind was reeling.
Yes.
Just as Puppetmaster had said.
It was clearly a bug.
A bug in the world.
And an unbelievably wonderful bug at that!
“Ahhh!”
A flaw had appeared in the law of infinite regression, a law that had seemed unbreakable forever.
Perhaps.
Just perhaps.
“C-could regression points be turned back as well?”
Chronos knew it was an enormous logical leap.
But nobody knew for certain yet.
There was no rule saying a law broken once could not be broken twice.
This was the first case of someone openly denying the law of infinite regression.
The other gallery regulars did not think much differently from Archmage Chronos Asterion.
[You Fucking Bastards, Is This the Time for Shitposts?]
[Author: Dungeon Rogue]
Why aren't you praying right now?!
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) I am already praying with the members of my order!
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) I don't usually believe in gods, but this time I have no choice, fr
ㄴMartial God) Hold on. I'm storming Wudang and threatening them into making offerings
ㄴVampire Princess) I, I cannot pray, but I shall support him with all my heart!
ㄴSolo Hero*) From now on, everyone except Vampire Princess and Dungeon Rogue posts proof that they're praying. Any gallery regular who doesn't gets banned for thirty days.
ㄴPuppetmaster) Already doing it.
“R-right! I need to pray! I need to pray!”
The atheist Chronos Asterion prayed desperately.
Please let this newbie grow stronger and discover a way to turn back regression points.
For that to happen, let an S-rank mana stone appear quickly.
And above all, let there be one more pure magic user in the gallery, where there were so few of them!
“Pleeease!”
How long had it been since he had wished for something so fiercely?
Chronos forgot his age and rubbed his hands together fervently.
“Drop already!”
Of course, getting an S-rank mana stone was inevitable.
Time was infinite, and the newbie was not someone whose spirit would break from regressions like these.
Still, there was such a thing as atmosphere.
This was a major event, the first in nearly seven hundred years.
It would be a waste not to enjoy it.
They had to pray.
[Ah, Fucking Rigged Odds. F-Rank Again][22]
Whenever the newbie's reroll failed, the gallery regulars prayed even harder.
[Those Wudang Bastards Look Like Frauds, So I'm Going to Kunlun]
[Author: Martial God]
[Thumbnail: The Wudang altar lies in ruins, while the sect leader kneels and sobs.]
If the newbie gets blanks three times in a row, it's obviously their fault lol
If they don't like it, they should've made better offerings
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) You crazy thug bastard lolol
ㄴMartial God) I've held back a lot, considering what those assholes did to me
ㄴVampire Princess) Those who dare challenge an infinite regressor deserve punishment, lol
[Martial God Really Has Great Initiative]
[Author: Solo Hero*]
[Video: A blind Saintess praying with a question mark floating over her head.]
So I kidnapped a Saintess and made her pray too
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) She does not seem to be concentrating on her prayers?
ㄴSolo Hero*) fr? I should flick her forehead.
[Newbie. Instead of Just Ripping the Ticket, Try Ripping It While Doing Random Stuff]
[Author: Puppetmaster]
[Thumbnail: Hundreds of puppets recording something in unison.]
This is the first time an observed result has changed.
There might be conditions involved.
I'll record and analyze everything, so keep posting videos.
ㄴAmor Fati) Okay, next time I'll rip it while dancing
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Why would you dance lol
ㄴPuppetmaster) That is an excellent attitude. If we identify the conditions, you may be able to keep pulling S-rank mana stones, so try as many different things as possible.
“Th-this is no time to sit around!”
Everyone was doing something for the newbie. He could not fall behind.
For a moment, he felt foolish for merely praying while holed up in his pocket dimension.
It was unthinkable for an old hand of the Infinite Regression Gallery, an Archmage, to miss out on the gallery's current topic.
The other gallery regulars were already drawing attention with performances of their own.
What he needed now was a thumbnail that caught the eye.
Thumbnails were important.
Chronos immediately put on his robe and threw open the door to his pocket dimension.
* * *
Azkandir.
One of the founding contributors to the Dragon Empire, which had exterminated humanity.
Startled by the sensation of scales standing up all over his body, he immediately shouted.
::I-IT IS HIM! HE IS COMING!::
Azkandir's dragon speech echoed thunderously.
The dragons panicked and formed ranks before the newly appearing portal.
Vwoooom-
A blue portal.
The vicious aura emerging from that small portal, barely large enough for a single human to pass through, was beyond description.
The dragons bowed deeply toward the old man who stepped from the portal.
Blue robes.
A long beard.
A kindly face.
The Dragon Slayer, Chronos Asterion.
At a glance, he looked like nothing more than a warm old grandfather.
But the enormous current of mana surrounding him was anything but ordinary.
He was in a different league.
‘H-how can a human possibly be like this....’
The pressure from his mere existence seemed to crush everything in every direction.
Not even Balkan, king of dragons and Dragon Emperor, possessed that much pressure.
The power to shake heaven and earth with a single gesture coiled within that old man's small frame.
The Dragon Slayer slowly stroked his beard and opened his mouth.
“Where's that boss lizard?”
Azkandir broke into a cold sweat at the question.
Despite his title of Dragon Slayer, Chronos did not kill dragons without cause.
According to him, the moment he killed a dragon, that time axis became fixed and could never be turned back.
Ironically, that was precisely why the dragons feared Chronos Asterion.
If they were caught by the Dragon Slayer, who hated dragons more than anyone, they might become toys who could not even die.
In short.
He had to choose his words carefully.
::D-DRAGON SLAYER, HE IS....::
“Hm. The weather is chilly. It seems he has gone into hibernation.”
::T-THAT IS CORRECT.::
“Wake him.”
::....?::
“I said go wake him. Unless you want to be tortured.”
A chilling silence fell.
The dragons all anxiously watched one another.
Azkandir briefly looked up at the sky and lamented.
Eternal torture or a clean death.
There was no need to think about it.
A founding contributor?
Was Balkan the kind of dragon to care about that?
When giants fought, it was the little ones who got crushed.
Being a dragon did not change that.
This was why middle management was so miserable.
::A-AS YOU COMMAND....::
Longing for a mother he had never met, Azkandir flew into the sky.
::WE WILL REMEMBER YOU!::
::AZKANDIR! WE WILL REMEMBER YOU!::
::GREAT DRAGON!::
Leaving his comrades' consolation behind him, Azkandir beat his wings with all his might.
The sky was especially clear today.
* * *
[A Support Video for the Newbie]
[Author: Archmage]
[Thumbnail: Dragons fly in formation, using dragon breath to write in the sky.]
I used a little of my power to film this, haha.
Chronos was quite satisfied after making the post.
As engagement bait, it was magnificent.
Centered around the Dragon Emperor, whose scales shone like diamonds, dragons breathed fire.
The flames suspended in the sky formed the words, “Keep it up until an S-rank mana stone appears!”
Of course, Azkandir, looking thoroughly beaten beside the Dragon Emperor, was a minor blemish.
But so what?
Only someone like Solo Hero could probably make a video this beautiful.
The response came shortly after.
And it was the response he had most wanted.
ㄴAmor Fati) Holy shit, sir, I'm really moved. This newbie will keep pulling hard!
“Hohoho!”
Chronos threw back his head and laughed loudly.
This was it.
This was the feeling.
ㄴMartial God) Ha, now I'm outclassed
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Grandpa's still got it
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) That is incredible....
ㄴSolo Hero*) Kidnapping a Saintess is seriously difficult, too...
ㄴVampire Princess) Urgh, if only I could go outside as well!
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Then what does that make me, writing a support message on a dungeon wall.....
ㄴPuppetmaster) Good. Keep raising the newbie's motivation.
Buoyed by the heated response from the gallery regulars, Chronos drove the dragons even harder.
“Can you not move faster and more spectacularly?!”
.
.
.
.
While he was filming the dragons for quite some time, a post from the newbie appeared.
[It Dropped!][25]
“You finally pulled one! Well done!”
Overjoyed, Chronos clicked the post.
[It Dropped!]
[Author: Amor Fati]
[Photo: The newbie holding up their middle finger.]
An F-rank dropped, fuck!
ㄴSolo Hero*) It's been a thousand years since I last fell for a bait post
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Aaaah! Congratulations, brother!
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) Ma'am, read the post first lol
ㄴDungeon Rogue) Ah, fuck
“Hoho! Look at this brat.”
He wrote a bait post while everyone was praying with all their hopes?
This newbie was no ordinary character.
After so long, energy began to return to the gallery, which had grown weary on its journey toward a happy ending.
* * *
A week passed.
Chronos shouted into empty air.
“Monolith, you bastards!”
The gallery regulars, who had been swept up in the mood and laughed and cried along with him, were starting to get seriously angry too.
[Are You Kidding Me, Does It Make Sense to Pull F-Ranks for Three Days Straight?][2]
[The Odds Really Are Weird.][9]
[It Is Rigged! The Odds Are Rigged!][5]
[Fuck, Old Man, Have You Seriously Not Developed Dimensional Travel Magic Yet? I Really Want to Go Smash That Tower][4]
One of the newbie's rerolls took only three minutes at most.
After entering, he ripped the ticket, checked the mana stone, and wrote a post in the gallery.
Then he immediately entered the tutorial and regressed.
It was an insane three-minute regression, surpassing Dungeon Rogue's five-minute regression.
Yet even after an entire week, the newbie had not seen an S-rank mana stone or even an A-rank one.
For the past three days, he had pulled nothing but F-ranks.
The gallery regulars were furious, but the newbie was surprisingly calm.
[Guys, Calm Down]
[Author: Amor Fati]
Gacha is my specialty, you know?
This streak's got momentum.
It's about to hit, fr.
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) It is so nice to see such positive energy, brother! I am always praying for you!
ㄴAmor Fati) No, it's not that I'm being positive. It really is about time for one to drop
“Yes! It is about time!”
Please, just drop already!
After that, the newbie kept posting his gacha results in the gallery.
It was an utterly disastrous gacha streak that kept producing F-ranks.
Just as they began to wonder whether some transcendent being had intervened to fix the odds, the newbie finally succeeded.
[I Told You I Could Do It!!!!]
[Author: Amor Fati]
[Thumbnail: A mana stone radiating a brilliant glow.]
I told you it would happen!!!!!
ㄴSolo Hero*) You worked hard, newbie.
ㄴPuppetmaster) I recorded it. Congratulations.
ㄴMartial God) Heh, congratulations! The old man will be thrilled.
ㄴVampire Princess) That was moving!!!
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Brother, congratulations from the bottom of my heart!
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) This guy is just an Infinite Regression Gallery superstar lol
ㄴDungeon Rogue) [Emote of two bizarre characters clapping in succession.]
“H-heh. Hehehe!”
Chronos immediately left a comment as well.
ㄴArchmage) Ah, what a lovely color! A mana stone of that purity should be enough to make an unprecedentedly powerful core. I sincerely congratulate you on taking your first step on the path of magic!
How many years had it been since the gallery had gained a magic user?
A core created with a 99% pure mana stone.
The newbie already looked like he would be a pleasure to train.
Hugging his swelling excitement, Chronos headed for his pocket-dimension library.
“Let's see, the basics of magical initiation should be somewhere....”
What should he teach first?
Should he focus on basic attack spells for now?
Looking at that Orc Chieftain, speed was important. Should he make the newbie learn acceleration magic first?
It was a happy dilemma.
And that happy dilemma did not last long.
ㄴAmor Fati) But do I have to class into only a mage?
Chronos rubbed his eyes and looked at the comment.
The contents did not change.
ㄴArchmage) ?
ㄴAmor Fati) You said dantians, aura holes, and cores are all organs that handle mana
ㄴMartial God) That's true?
ㄴAmor Fati) Then can't I use martial arts with this? It'd be nice to learn a variety of things
ㄴDungeon Rogue) lololololololololololol
ㄴSolo Hero*) Using magic with a dantian or aura hole is difficult, but using martial arts with a core is easier than you might think. A core is the superior version.
ㄴVampire Princess) There is no reason it should not work!
ㄴMartial God) Old man lol, I'll take this one
ㄴHeretic Exterminator) Archmage, please do not be too upset!
ㄴPoisoned My Blade) If you know who gave that downvote, smash upvote lol
ㄴPuppetmaster) 62% chance Archmage's blood pressure spikes so badly he regresses
Puppetmaster was exactly right.
“Craaaaaagh!”
Chronos clutched the back of his neck and collapsed.
Footnotes:
Join our discord at https://dsc.gg/wetried
