WETRIED TRANSLATIONS

Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

[Translator – Aren]

◈Chapter 291 Something Convincing (7)

Wading through the blood that reached my ankles, I repeatedly clenched and unclenched my fingers.

Perhaps because this wasn’t reality, the sensation wasn’t particularly distinct. It felt like a hand left exposed on a freezing winter day, only without the feeling of cold.

“…Is that your true form?”

Was it because the sensations coming from my body had diminished? Or because the culprits who had thrown me into this damn mess were standing right in front of me?

My insides churned more violently than usual, like a reagent after a catalyst had been tossed into it.

My vision blurred, sharpened again, then cut out like a snapped thread. Not good. Drawing on experience, I recognized that this was a ‘not good’ situation.

“I’m asking you. Is that your true form?”

But if knowing something was enough to fix it, would people still be people?

[Who knows? Does it matter?]

Hehe. The being whose facial outline was only barely visible beneath the goat skull laughed. The three-piece suit and durumagi worn over it looked strangely familiar.

Was this some elaborate attempt to fuck with me by making me nostalgic for home?

[Well, since you went to the trouble of asking, I suppose I’ll answer. Yes, this is my true form. Unlike a physical body, whose essence can be obscured by the appearance one is born with or defects acquired later in life, a mental form perfectly reflects 'the essence one defines for oneself.’ It can neither be covered nor concealed. In other words, this appearance could be called the very ‘true form’ you’ve been wanting.]

Regardless of how I felt about it, she, or rather the thing that was presumably the Demon, stepped forward one step at a time, dressed in a style that had been fashionable in Korea a year or two ago.

Beginning beside the boy, she walked in an oval around me. Maintaining an appropriate distance, she passed along my left side with a sly smile.

[But on that note, you’ve become quite thoroughly mixed yourself.]

Despite the clear distance she had kept, her body suddenly appeared behind me.

[Or do you perhaps think of the person you are now and the person you were in the past as separate beings?]

But the words that followed were too heavy for me to startle at her approach and immediately put my guard up.

My gaze dropped helplessly toward the ground. My face was faintly reflected on the surface of the blood.

[Poor Gretchen.]

It was the ‘Demon Knight’s’ face. The Demon Knight’s face, only with pitch-black hair and burn scars covering the jaw and cheeks.

[Whether you’ve forgotten or merely separated the two in your mind, it is truly pitiable.]

It carried features belonging to ‘me,’ yet it still wasn’t mine.

[Originally, none of this would have been necessary.]

As the Demon’s laughter receded, I clenched my fist tight. My teeth had already sunk into my lip, and blood streamed down from it.

[More importantly, how long are you planning to stall? Are you hoping Gluttony will begin its advance?]

And then, click. The Demon’s footsteps stopped roughly between the boy and me. The sight of her standing just slightly off-center in front of me was so irritating that I instinctively tensed my throat.

「I’m sorry…….」

But I never managed to spit out the words. The boy spoke again.

「I’m truly… Sorry……」

Naturally, my attention snapped straight toward him. Every hardship I had endured since arriving here made the veins in my neck stand out.

“What for……?!”

What are you sorry for? What are you apologizing for? Do you even understand the heart of what you should be apologizing for when you say that? The things I went through. The burden I carry. Are you really apologizing after understanding and empathizing with all of it?

「I, I……」

Originally, there had been no reason for me to suffer like this. No reason for me to spend over a year longing for my father, mother, and friends. No reason for me to forget my own face or desperately cry out for all the peace I once enjoyed.

The same went for killing people and for the anguish of watching others die. Struggling so desperately that I reached for even worse crimes, then wailing beneath the guilt that kept piling up. None of that had originally been mine to bear. None of it was something I should have experienced. There was not a single burden in this place that should have fallen upon me.

Originally… Originally, that was how it should have been.

「I shouldn’t have made that choice……」

Because of you.

「I never should have summoned you here……」

Because of you alone.

「I’m so…sorry. I’m truly sorry……」

Because of you. Only you……

「I’m so sorry……」

I, you……

“Why?”

If it weren’t for you, I would have lived a good life.

“Why are you so young?”

If only you hadn’t existed, I would still be happy right now.

“Why are you so young that I can’t even be angry with you……?”

That was how it would have been.

「…N-not, I’m, I……」

“When you’re this young……”

「That’s not, that’s not what I, ah……」

There was anger I had wanted to unleash. Resentment I had wanted to spit out through shouting and furious accusations. The hardship and suffering I had endured to reach this place had been so severe that, whether I wanted it or not, countless old fridges had festered within me.

“When you’re this young, who am I supposed to be angry at……?”

But standing before that tiny boy, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Fuck, the damned brat was so short that the top of his head barely reached my shoulder. He was that small. So, so small. A mental form was supposed to reflect one’s essence, and this little bastard defined himself as a boy.

「You can be angry! Please, get angry! I’m the one who did everything wrong… It really was all my fault……!!」

And because of that, damn it, because he was so young.

I simply couldn’t be angry.

He was too small for me to do that.

「Please don’t hold it in. I’m begging you. I really am the one at fault. Everything that made you suffer was my fault, so…so……」

I waded through the blood and stood before the boy. It wasn't only his height that was small. His face was small, his hands were small, and his limbs were thin.

From what I had gathered, he was clearly a Knight’s child and talented enough to place first in the entrance exam, yet even so, he looked like this. Young. He was just a child.

「I-I really am the bad guy……!!」

He was just a young child……

「…Don’t forgive me. Please, don’t forgive me. Please……」

I carefully pulled the child into my arms. 「I don’t deserve to be forgiven……」 The front of my chest, where his face pressed against me, quickly grew damp. His trembling body was so thin and small.

「Please don’t forgive me……」

The origin of all the misery I had suffered in this place was this pitifully small.

「It was all my fault…….」

In the end, tears fell from my eyes. “Why is life so damn awful?” This world was far too cruel.

[…Are you kidding me?]

Then, beside my steadily falling tears, the sound of dress shoes rang out. [I asked if you’re fucking kidding me?!] The blood-submerged white world suddenly convulsed.

[You’ve suffered like you were dying all this time, and now you’re forgiving him just because he’s a damn brat? Are you seriously that much of a pushover?]

Crack. Crack. With the white world beginning to crack like a spiderweb behind her, the Demon twisted her lips. All that could be seen through the eye sockets of the goat skull was darkness that concealed the Demon’s face. Red lights hanging there like decorative buttons instead of real eyes blazed fiercely.

[You said you’d beat him half to death. You said you were going to destroy him.]

What fueled those flames, I couldn’t say.

Before the goat skull, trying to fan my anger, I pulled the child even closer. From the moment that thing began speaking, the boy had rattled in my arms and even stifled the sound of his crying, conserving every breath.

[Was your anger so shallow that one look at him was enough to make it disappear? No, it wasn’t. I know. I know how angry you are. I know how much rage you’re carrying.]

“…….”

[I know there’s resentment inside you that wouldn’t disappear even if you strangled that child to death right now and stabbed his body over and over.]

Hic. The boy in my arms trembled once more. Did he want to get away from me? Perhaps he did. But after that single shudder, he let the strength drain from his body as though resigning himself.

「You may do that.」

The quiet murmur lodged itself in my ears.

[Don’t hold back. You don’t have to. You have every right to do it. Of course you do! If you don’t have that right, then who possibly did?!]

「If that would ease your anger.」

[This is only a mental world anyway. He won't die if you strangle him. He won't die if you stab him either. So don't hold back. There’s no need to endure it!]

「I’ll be fine.」

[No one can blame you! No one!]

Ah.

Seriously.

[So, Gretchen, don’t restrain—]

This world was far too cruel.

“Shut your fucking mouth, you goddamn piece of shit. Are you that desperate to fucking die? You’re seriously trying to gaslight me right to my face, you damn bastard.”

I pulled the zweihänder from my back and hurled it. Had it always been there? I didn’t know. I simply thought that I wanted to throw a sword, and one naturally appeared in my hand before flying straight at her.

[…I didn’t tell you to attack me, though?]

“Did you sell off your common sense along with your conscience? You’re the one who caused all this, yet you’re dumping the whole damn blame on a child. Why would you think the sword wouldn’t come flying at you too? Do I look like some complete idiot who can’t understand cause and effect?”

Along with those words, the anger I had only barely suppressed surged up again.

Did she think I wasn’t angry right now? Did she think I didn’t resent the misery of being unable either to forgive or condemn him?

I was human too. I hated this. I resented it. It pissed me off that I had to suffer through any of this and that I had even been robbed of the chance to be rightfully angry.

“This kid did do something wrong. He did, but that doesn’t make everything his fault. Did he summon me for fun? Did he summon me because he was bored with life and wanted to fuck someone over?”

But did that make it right to be swept away by my emotions and lash out indiscriminately? Did the suffering I had endured give me a free pass to blindfold myself and swing a blade at whoever happened to be nearby?

“No. None of this would’ve happened in the first place if it weren’t for you.”

Some people think that way. But I didn’t. I didn’t want to become that kind of person.

I-I wanted to be someone who could face myself without shame.

“Actually, I’d rather ask you something. Does living like that make you feel good?”

[…What?]

“Does it feel good to murder an entire family just to take over one child’s body, torment him into surrendering it after you parasitize him, and spend your life stirring up hatred and disgust in everyone around you?”

Besides, dumping everything on this small child and doing nothing but resenting him would not be something I could take pride in. It was even less acceptable for someone over 30 years old.

“If someone told me to live such a pathetic life, I think I’d be so ashamed I’d just drop dead on the spot.”

So. So…I moved the cowering child behind my back.

I could ask why it had been me, why he had stayed silent, and whether there had truly been no other way. I could get angry and scold him after beating him half to death.

This child was not the only one who deserved to be hit by the consequences of their actions. That bastard did too.

[…So you’re going to forgive that child?]

“No. This isn’t something that can simply be forgiven. But I’m not going to become someone who won’t even give a child one chance to defend himself.”

[Hah, you really are astonishing.]

Come to think of it, hadn’t she said that because this was a mental world, no one would die even if their neck were strangled or a sword were driven into them? That was a little disappointing. There had been a chance I could gain my freedom by taking that bastard’s head right now.

[Well, yes. It isn't as though I don’t know you. I already expected that you wouldn’t be easily swayed.]

Ah, wait. There was no guarantee I could beat her, so perhaps it was fortunate after all. Relieved that even the worst outcome would merely preserve the status quo, I pictured a sword in my mind.

Whenever characters entered some mental world in manhwa or novels, didn’t they usually create and erase things through imagination alone? The Zweihänder earlier had also felt as though it had appeared on my back the moment I imagined it.

[I still don’t understand it, though……]

I had only tried it on the off chance it might work…but fortunately it did. Shining. A greatly sharpened longsword settled into my hand.

[But Gretchen, do you think I allowed you to learn the truth for no reason?]

「…N-No!」

However, before I could make any move, an impact struck me from behind. The blood covering the entire floor only amplified the force.

Slip. The shove sent me sprawling forward.

“Hnahg.”

I took several hurried steps to keep myself from falling, but they were useless. In the end, I landed flat on my face with my limbs spread out, then immediately pushed myself back up. It was fortunate none of the blood had stained me, but my nose felt numb.

“Why did you push—!"

For a moment, I forgot even my anger and raised my head while clutching my nose. Clang! A chilling metallic sound erupted directly in front of me.

「Don’t even think about leaving!」

[Well. Why should I?]

「The contract……!」

[You broke it first.]

The Demon and the boy were crossing swords. Fast and violent, at a speed even my eyes could not follow.

[You were the one who insisted we include keeping silent in the contract. And you were also the first of us to break that rule.]

「……!」

[So why should I continue holding back?]

Even if I couldn’t make out each individual movement, however, it was obvious which side had the upper hand.

Just as I stood a head and a half taller than the boy, the Demon also stood about a head taller than him. Their physiques alone gave one side the advantage.

[Little one, you can no longer stop me.]

On top of that, the Demon also possessed the greater power. No, "greater" did not even begin to describe it. They were on entirely different levels.

Rumble! At last, the white world collapsed. What appeared beyond it was pitch-black darkness and enormous chains.

「…No, not yet.」

Instinctively, I followed the chains with my gaze. Something was bound by them. A massive hand. A massive hand formed from flames gathered and compressed together.

「I said, not yet.」

-Claaaatter!

At the same time, the boy cast a chain toward the Demon as well. Though its trajectory was hardly impossible to evade, the Demon reached out as though compelled and allowed the chain to coil around her.

[Tsk.]

The Demon crooked the barely visible line of her lips. It might have been irritation at the situation, or perhaps a sneer.

[But things will change once the truth has been delivered.]

There was, however, one thing I knew for certain.

[Fulfill the ‘promise,’ kid.]

Those bastards had forgotten about me.

Irritated, I hurled my sword at the Demon.

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