WETRIED TRANSLATIONS
Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?
[Translator – Aren]
◈ Chapter 341 With These Hands of Mine (5)
Come to think of it, the fall of the Grand Temple hadn’t been sudden. That much was clear from the fact that some people had sensed the danger before they had even arrived in this city.
The Grand Temple’s destruction hadn’t been a completely unexpected disaster but a foretold calamity. A predetermined tragedy.
"Inquisitor……”
So when she heard of their deaths, the Inquisitor wasn’t shocked.
She hadn't been holding onto hope to begin with. From the moment she heard that the Grand Temple might be targeted, instead of clinging to the idea that no news was good news, she had only assumed that their despair had merely been postponed.
After all, it was better to expect the worst and be grateful for an unexpected stroke of luck than to remain optimistic only to be disappointed. All the more so when the chances of that hope coming true were so small.
If she stayed pessimistic, then even if the worst happened, she could at least tell herself she had expected as much and move on.
So even when reality unfolded exactly as she had predicted, it was fine. It merely was that the outcome she had already anticipated had arrived.
She had already prepared herself for the loss…… The young woman kept telling herself that over and over, until she finally stood before the parting she had known was coming.
“We’ll depart in two days.”
Despite all that preparation, her chest still hurt deeply.
Now that she was no longer the Hero, the pain was enough to make her wonder whether she could simply ignore every duty that had ever come with the title and run there instead.
“You don’t have to push yourself, Inquisitor. You can rest a little longer……”
"Archmage.”
But at the same time, she didn’t want to.
Yes. The young woman didn’t want to do that.
"I learned a lot at the Grand Temple.”
Even now, there were countless moments she could remember, flashing through her head the moment she closed her eyes.
The arms that had held her as a child, the voice that had softly read books to her while holding her as she dozed off, the hand that secretly slipped her treats after her grueling training……
"The love of my brothers and sisters, how vast the world is, the cruelty of Demons…even the mission that had been prepared for me.
Of course, her days there hadn’t always been peaceful and happy. The title of Hero had been a label that burdened her with far more obligations than privileges.
"There were painful days as well. I often wondered why it had to be me.”
Standing beside fully grown Heretic Inquisitors and pushing her body until she vomited, studying Demons while the other children just played around, handling Divine power until she burned with fever in order to expand her capacity for it……
If someone told her to do it all again, she honestly wasn’t confident she could. If she really had no choice, she could probably somehow manage, but she would avoid it if at all possible.
"Even so, the reason I endured those difficult years was because whenever I was about to break, there were people who stayed by my side and supported me.”
Some would probably say it had been far too cruel. That even if such a fate had been laid out for her, those years had been far too harsh for a child to endure.
But did that make their love for her any lesser? Did the fact that they had been strict with her make their desire to protect her a lie?
"I remember them.”
The instructor who struck her with a switch when she made a mistake in combat training cried somewhere she couldn’t see.
‘It was only a hit with a switch now. But if she makes a mistake in real combat, that child will be injured or killed.’ The instructor had justified it to himself in the end. He was a man who had already lost countless students to Demons.
"I remember everything they taught me.”
The Heretic Inquisitor, who was injured protecting her during field training, had demanded that she learn to be cold. ‘Things like this will happen to you often, over and over. If you cry every time, it will only make things harder for you.’ That Heretic Inquisitor, who could no longer walk, was a veteran who had watched more than a dozen comrades retire before him.
"I remember something the person I admire the most once said."
And because that was her past…
She loved them and cherished everything they had left behind. They were precious enough that losing them could shake the very foundation of who she was.
"That’s why I…don’t want to quit.”
And that was why she wouldn’t go west.
"I will break this cycle. For myself, for those who come after me, for those who came before us, and for those who worked so hard for their sake.”
Because they had taught her well enough that she knew exactly how to move toward a better future instead of letting herself drown in grief.
"Two days is enough time to mourn. I won’t be alright, but I won’t get any worse either. I promise.”
The moment she had made up her mind, all that remained was to follow what she believed and keep moving forward.
Instead of reconsidering her decision, the Inquisitor acted according to her own will. She spent two days mourning the home that was gone and those who had probably died there, while also preparing to leave.
"You may leave."
"...Wh-what are you saying all of a sudden?”
"You have no reason to continue this journey with me, right?”
In the process, she also dealt with things she should have addressed long ago.
"You joined this journey because you were following him…The Adventurer. But I'll no longer drag him into this journey. He has already endured more than enough of my selfishness. So you no longer need to stay here while worrying about me either. Go. Go wherever you want.”
They were long overdue matters, but she could no longer keep looking away from them.
“But you were struggling. You’ve had such a hard time doing everything alone all this time. If I leave too……”
However, the Inquisitor quietly thought as she looked at the person before her, hunched over and rambling on.
“Of course, I’m not as strong as the Mister or as smart as Madam Wizard, so I guess there won’t be much of a difference whether I’m here or not……”
Ah. What are human relationships made of?
What is it that supports a person and keeps them going?
"What are you talking about? Just because you lack combat strength doesn’t mean you yourself have ever been worthless.”
She hadn’t really understood that as a child, but now, in this very moment, she thought she understood it a bit.
"If I had never met you, the person I am today might not even exist. So how could you possibly have been a person meaningless to me?”
Wasn’t what creates bonds between people, what forms the foundation that keeps a person going, simply the life they had built up until that point?
"Because of what you taught me, I learned that not every sin is born from an evil heart. Because of what you showed me, I learned to set my emotions aside and make rational decisions in a crisis. Because you were with me, I learned to gather information before acting when facing unfamiliar dangers.”
Wasn’t it the incidents and accidents that happen through meeting others, and everything learned along the way, that shape a person and forge bonds between them?
"You taught me all of that.”
"...You figured all of that out on your own.”
"No. Those were things I could only learn because you were there. Had I been alone, I might never have learned them.”
"That’s……"
God exists everywhere. The Inquisitor pondered over the words written in the scripture. She could now read two meanings from them.
"Troublemaker.”
"...What?”
"I’ll be honest. I do wish you would continue to stay with me.”
"......"
"But I won't stop you if you choose to leave. Not because you’re unnecessary or because you’re no help to me, but because I‘ve already received far too much from you."
"......"
"Even if you leave, what you taught me will remain with me forever. Just as the knowledge I learned from the priests of the Grand Temple still remains with me now.”
And from the moment those words split into two meanings for her, parting no longer frightened her as much.
"So it’s alright. Even without you, I’ll keep moving forward with what you taught me as my compass. And the emptiness the Adventurer leaves behind when he goes…I’ll endure that too by filling it with the wisdom and warmth he has shared with me until now.”
Of course, the empty space left behind would still hurt, and she would grieve the warmth that was now gone. There would be pain whenever she looked back on her mistakes, and what she had lost because of them would ache as though someone cut away pieces of her flash.
"Iron wall.”
Even so, there were undeniably things that remained. Just as even loss itself was ultimately proof that something had once been there.
"From now on, I’ll continue to face endless choices. I may make irreversible mistakes because of my own foolishness, and I may spend a long time walking the wrong path because of my ignorance.”
Suddenly, the Inquisitor remembered that day. The memory of chasing after the Adventurer and confronting him.
"But that’s fine.”
Even in that terrible situation, hadn’t he asked for a chance for her sake? Though he had called it asking for a chance, the one who had truly been given that chance was not him, but her.
"Because even then, I’ll remember the warmth of all of you who once protected me.”
A chance to apologize. A chance to correct her mistakes. A chance to understand all of this and grow.
Considering what she had done, it was far more than she deserved.
"I’ll move forward relying on those memories. Even if I’ll end up piling up layers of regret, even if despair closes around my throat and sorrow clings to my ankles, I’ll keep swimming as far as I possibly can.”
What else could she do? Even in the face of the greatest tragedy of her life, there had been so many people who had cared for her and acted for her sake. All she could do was stand back up.
To cherish them, grieve their absence, take hold of the chance they had given her, and keep moving toward the future……
"That is the future I have chosen for myself."
And with that, the young woman chose a life for herself that wasn’t the life of a Hero. Her life had been a complete mess, but with the help of others, she had finally managed to stand on her own and choose a direction for it.
And somehow, that made an overwhelming sense of relief fall over her, almost freeing her from pain.
"...But what if you really do break down? What if something comes along that you truly can’t overcome……?!”
"It doesn’t matter."
She was no longer the Hero.
"The world won’t end just because I fail, right?”
She would never become the Hero again.
The young woman cast her broken shackles out into the vast world. At last, the crushing weight that had rested on her shoulders disappeared.
She was free.
"...Iron wall."
"I’m going to see the Adventurer soon.”
"......!"
And with that freedom, she made another decision.
"He probably won’t forgive me. I’ve given up hoping that our relationship will continue as well. I know that would only be my own desire and asking for far too much.”
"......"
“Even so, I intend to see him and apologize. I don’t want to remain a foolish, despicable person until the very end.”
".......”
"Are you coming too?”
"...No. If we go together…neither of us might be able to properly convey what we really want to say…so I’ll go on my own later.”
"Alright."
She was going to meet the man who had brought the greatest upheaval into her life and who had also helped overcome it.
So that even now, after growing thanks to his consideration, she wouldn’t try to cling to his back again.
* * *
"You’re back, Adventurer.”
When I returned to my room after spending some time outside, an unexpected visitor was waiting for me.
"...Inquisitor."
The red-haired young woman frowned slightly at the way I addressed her. She didn’t seem to dislike it, she just found it unfamiliar.
"It feels strange. I used to wish for the day you would address me properly, but…I never thought that day would actually come.”
Still, that awkwardness was different from her being visibly startled or finding something seriously wrong. She just seemed awkward about it, nothing more.
That made me feel at ease. If she’d looked like she was seriously questioning the change in my attitude, I would’ve gotten a bit nervous.
"Would you rather I call you idiot?”
"Hmm…That’s quite the difficult choice.”
"...Is being called an idiot really something worth pondering over?”
"No, it’s not that I enjoy being insulted or anything……”
Come to think of it, her face looked a little different from yesterday.
"...Whenever you called me that, I felt less like the Hero carrying the fate of the world and more like some lowly priest. I liked that.”
Well, she’d basically lost her home overnight. It wouldn’t be strange if she looked like half of herself had been cut away. That was how I explained it to myself.
"...I see."
"...That doesn’t mean I dislike what you call me now. Please call me whatever feels comfortable.”
It didn’t quite work. Something, something very tiny, caught in the corner of my mind like a grain of sand.
"...Adventurer, what kind of person was I to you?”
...Her cheeks were thinner, but strangely, I didn‘t feel sorry for her.
"...You?”
"Anything is fine, even if you answer roughly, I can handle negative opinions as well. Just answer me honestly.”
Had I grown tired of her? I wasn’t sure. I definitely sympathized with her situation and felt sorry for her. I didn’t think I’d lost affection for her.
It was only her thin cheeks, those no-longer-round cheeks, that didn't make me feel sorry for her. My heart still stirred, but the color of that feeling wasn’t blue.
"You are……”
If I had to describe it, this felt like yellow.
"Frustratingly upright because of your lack of experience, but capable of admitting your own shortcomings and constantly trying to learn……”
A pastel brilliance, like watching a baby bird take flight for the first time.
"...And yet, because you carry far too heavy a burden, you’re simply a person I worry about.”
"I see."
The red-haired young woman suddenly smiled brightly. Her firmer cheeks and eyes curving freely with the smile made the word "young woman" no longer feel strange when applied to her.
"So to you, I was simply a person.”
Ah, that was when I finally realized it.
"Adventurer.”
Her cheeks hadn’t grown thin. She just lost her baby fat.
"Thank you for everything.”
She no longer was just a child in a big body. She finally became an adult.
"For the debt of my life that I owe you, for all the suffering and tragedy I was spared because of your sacrifices…and lastly, for the many chances you gave me. I’m truly grateful.”
I quietly looked down at her as she bowed deeply.
Before we parted, her hair hadn't even reached the back of her neck. Now it was long enough to tie into a small ponytail. Proof of just how long we had been apart.
"If I had reached this moment without ever meeting you, I’m certain I would have met this news with disbelief, despair, and frustration and fallen apart completely. The only reason I didn’t was because of what you taught me.”
At the same time, the passage of time brings growth. The rosebud that had once been tightly closed was finally preparing to bloom.
"...I never taught you anything."
"No. You taught me through your actions. How not to surrender even to miserable despair, how to reach out to others even while trapped in immense pain, and how to keep finding courage until the very end instead of resigning myself and giving up.”
It was an extreme change, and yet a completely natural one. Children became adults through time, but enough intense experiences can take the place of that time.
"None of those are things I could have learned if you hadn’t given me the chance.”
"I never gave you a chance.”
"No, you gave me many.”
Ah, what a painfully vast brilliance.
"Thank you for putting up with my stubbornness all this time. Thank you for enduring all the trouble I caused you. Thank you for tolerating my foolishness when you had no reason to bear it and for continuing to reach out to me until the very end even when I became a source of terrible pain for you.”
Why do children only grow through loss?
"And at the same time, I’m sorry.”
I had no intention of watching over her growth all the way to the end. I cared about her, but I was far too exhausted myself to devote that much of me to it. I also knew just how much effort it took to help one person grow.
"For the exact same reason I’m grateful to you, I also feel truly sorry.”
But this wasn’t what I had wanted either. I had wanted her to meet as many people as possible, fight with some of them, become friends with others, sometimes even fall out with someone over a single moment after becoming close, and grow that way. I had never wanted her to grow by losing something this vast.
"I wouldn't dare ask for your forgiveness. Even if you choose to end our relationship here, I will gladly accept it.”
“......”
"But Adventurer, you were my hero. And you will always be someone I admire.”
And yet I couldn’t bring myself to pity her. The eyes of this child who had become an adult through loss were too clear and steady.
They were the eyes of someone already prepared to rise again after falling into grief. I just couldn’t do it.
"Even if this is the last time we ever meet, I will spend the rest of my life grateful to you and sorry for what I did, carrying everything you taught me in my heart as I move forward.”
Sometimes, pity itself can be an insult after all.
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