WeTried Translations

Translator: Hydrogen B

Editor: Hydrogen B

Discord: https://dsc.gg/wetried

Chapter 38: Supply is Another War

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Jingle, jingle.

"Here you go, Azzy. Boiled canned beans for breakfast!"

"Woof!"

Jingle, jingle.

"Here you go, Azzy. The bean stew you always have for lunch!"

"Woof!"

Jingle, jingle.

"Here! Azzy. For dinner, bean-meat patties I made! There wasn't any meat this time, so they're made entirely of beans!"

"Woof! ...Woof?"

Jingle, jingle.

"Here you go, bean dregs made by clumping together yesterday's leftover bean scraps. I saved them for you!"

"Woof...?"

Jingle, jingle.

"Ta-da! Steamed beans! Wow, would you look at that? You can steam beans too! It concentrates the flavor, so they taste even stronger!"

"Woof."

Jingle, jingle.

"All right! Today is special! Extra-large homemade bean stew! Wow, it's twice the usual amount, twice!"

"..."

Jingle, jingle.

"We've gone through one full rotation by now, right? Then today, to return to the spirit we started with, beans..."

"Woof! Woof woof!"

"Aaaaargh!"

In one sense, it had been inevitable. In another, it was an act of utter ingratitude.

Even humans, the Lords of All Creation, could not escape the hell of canned beans day after day. How dare a mere dog get picky about food!

...Then again, I was getting sick of canned beans myself, so I needed to find other ingredients. Over the last few days, various problems had piled up one after another, leaving us with nothing but enough canned beans to build a castle. If we ate all of them, Azzy and I would turn into sausages stuffed full of bean paste.

There was only one way to solve this situation.

"Hey! Captain AB! Are you listening?"

When I opened the cupboard in the cafeteria, a squat golem sat between the stacked iron pots with its limbs dangling. There was an ugly hole in its shoulder where the regressor's sword had pierced it, and its body was covered in scratches. Even the iron pots, which had suffered fire and oil since the day they were made, looked cleaner than the golem.

It looked pitiful, like a doll abandoned after its owner lost interest or a homeless person living beneath a bridge after losing their home. It was hard to believe this was one of the military state's proud magical golems.

Still, there was no need to pity it. That golem was a sync-type magical golem, and its operator was an elite officer among elites. She was probably somewhere comfortable, drinking a beer chilled with ice while watching us.

The golem's body might be suffering, but that was only a tragedy beyond the wall. Like the tragedies no one would spare a glance for in real life that somehow sweep the literary world, perhaps she was satisfying a craving for gloom she could not experience in her own life through this golem.

Now that I thought about it, that was unfair. Should I dunk this golem in the toilet? She wasn't even connected right now, but if I pretended it was some kind of water torture, maybe it would ease this misery...

『What business do you have with me?』

"Ah! You scared me!"

The golem suddenly moved, startling me so badly that I nearly dropped it before barely catching it. The golem, which had almost fallen to the floor, gazed steadily up at me.

『Please be careful. This unit has sustained considerable damage and will find it difficult to withstand any further impact.』

"Oh dear. Sorry."

When I carefully set it on the table, the golem stood awkwardly on its creaking body. I scratched my head and sat down in a chair.

"You were connected."

『Tantalus is a Level 5 security facility. Observing Tantalus's interior is this officer's duty and obligation. It cannot be neglected for even a moment.』

So she had been working hard.

I suddenly felt a little sorry. It was like criticizing civil servants and then immediately seeing them busy at work. Seeing that she was here despite it not even being mealtime, she really must have checked in often.

"Even so, you're only in the cafeteria, aren't you? What is there to watch that you stay here all the time?"

『There is no alternative. If this unit leaves this location, another trainee may attempt to destroy it. At least while it is in the cafeteria, I can observe you and the King of Dogs during every meal. That is fortunate.』

"Me and Azzy? What are you trying to see by watching a person eat at the same table as a dog?"

『At minimum, I can confirm that you are alive. Knowing whether you remain alive has sufficient value.』

"My life or death?"

『Affirmative. The military state has a great interest in whether you are alive or dead.』

Hearing that made me a little embarrassed. I hadn't expected the military state to care so much about how I was doing.

The military state considered welfare and safety luxuries, yet it was watching over me with such concern. Somehow, I felt strangely touched...

『You are litmus paper.』

Litmus paper. Test paper used to determine whether a solution was acidic, and military state slang used from time to time.

What did that mean? It meant that, to the military state, I was no different from a strip of litmus paper. If it turned bright red after being dipped in, they would know the inside was dangerous and needed caution.

In other words, I was a sacrificial offering sent down first to check whether the Abyss was safe.

Now I understood why they had ordered me to survive. That had been all they expected of me from the start.

As I became an even more cynical citizen, the golem added one more thing.

『If you suffer a fatal wound from someone's attack, I request that you loudly shout the attacker's identity as your final words before you die. The state can then make a more objective assessment of the trainees based on your testimony.』

"Huh? This golem really doesn't know when to stop talking. Should I finish you off first? Want to shut down while shouting my name as your final words?"

『It is not bad news for you either. You can add a negative evaluation to the true culprit who killed you. Even after death, you will be able to close your eyes in peace.』

"Is that something a person should say? I don't want to close my eyes in peace! I want to live, even if I never close my eyes again and end up with cataracts!"

Furious, I grabbed the golem by its legs and held it upside down. It dangled helplessly, its joints making rusty metallic noises. Perhaps being hung upside down had brought it to its senses, because a more urgent voice came from its microphone.

『Stop immediately. I strongly request that you cease this unprovoked violence and release this unit.』

"Calling this unprovoked violence is exactly why you're getting it, you scrap heap!"

I considered hitting it with my hand, but its hard-looking body caught my eye. If I hit that, my fingers would hurt, right?

This was why tools existed. I took out a Diamond 1 card and used alchemy to turn it into a skewer. Then I held the sharp skewer against the golem's body.

With a blade before it, the golem urgently shouted.

『Stop immediately. I issue a stern warning. If you damage this unit, there may be substantial disadvantages to your evaluation...』

"You're still connected? Then."

I should hit it before she disconnected, while pain synchronization was still active.

A thin iron skewer could serve as a switch too. I swung it and struck the golem's backside. Clang. Metal rang out.

『Ow!』

"Don't exaggerate. You won't feel pain once you cut off the sensory connection anyway."

『Affirmative. This unit is a golem. Such behavior is meaningless. I strongly request that you stop, ngh!』

I hit it once more while it was talking. A small groan escaped, so the pain synchronization apparently had not been severed yet.

Holding the switch high, I solemnly muttered, "But punishment has meaning in the act of administering it, not in the pain itself. Though you are a golem, it feels as though my own heart is being cut away as I strike your backside."

How unfair was that? I beat the golem's backside to punish it, but the person inside only had to disconnect for a moment and come back. She might even be drinking from a cold glass in reality while insulting me. Ugh, just thinking about it made my resentment build.

Fine. I would release all this hatred through the switch.

I thoroughly beat the upside-down golem's backside. Clang, clang. Metal struck metal. After around ten hits, I stopped because I was worried it might really break and set it back on the table.

The golem was on all fours with its rear raised, as though it had truly been hurt. A voice came from its microphone in broken fragments.

『...Into the evaluation...』

"No, really, stop exaggerating. You cut off the sensory connection. Someone might think you were completely synced with the golem."

The golem glared at me. Somehow, its inorganic body seemed to radiate resentment toward me. Here was the answer to the question of whether a tin doll could hold emotions.

No, why? Was I wrong? It couldn't possibly have taken all of those hits. It wasn't a masochist.

『...This unit is one of the few remaining communication-type magical golems. It must not be damaged under any circumstances, if only for the stability of communications. The defect in its shoulder has already disrupted the sync function. Any more impacts may inflict irreversible damage on this unit.』

"That's why I hit it with the side instead of stabbing it."

『That stimulates the pain synchronization more...』

The golem stopped speaking with a groan, then stood even more awkwardly than before.

『...In any case. You have come to see this officer after spending several days only visiting the cafeteria for meals, which suggests you have a request. What is it?』

"Oh, right. Send us some supplies. We're short on fresh food."

『Supplies, you say?』

The golem asked as though it had heard something absurd.

『You came to request supplies from this officer, yet you attacked this unit?』

"Come on. Attack? Between us? Let's call it light physical affection."

『Apparently, striking someone with an iron rod is called light physical affection.』

"Still, I only struck a golem, while the military state strikes people. Honestly, compared to me, the military state has nothing to say."

『...I will ask again. You came to request supplies from this officer, yet attacked this unit and criticized the state?』

The golem stared at me before saying,

『Request denied.』

"Why?"

『I believe your recent remarks alone provide sufficient reason.』

"Are you really going to be this petty? You're abusing your power for personal revenge, aren't you?"

『Personal revenge is only part of it. There are valid grounds to reject your supply request as well.』

So there was personal revenge involved after all. Could a military state soldier really say that so openly?

It was ridiculous, but I was the one who needed supplies. For now, I had to lower my head.

"All right, let me hear the reason. What is it?"

『Supplies were dropped into Tantalus two days ago. You certainly received them. Requesting additional supplies when ample food remains is a waste of resources and neglect of duty. The supply department will not approve it, and this officer cannot understand why you require more supplies.』

"Put simply, you're saying, why are you pigs asking for more when you got supplies the day before yesterday?"

『If you understand, there is no need to repeat it. In conclusion, additional supplies are impossible.』

The golem spoke flatly. Its attitude was cold and rigid, as if it truly were an iron doll.

Feeling wronged, I protested.

"There were only canned beans in the supply box! We've lived on canned beans for the last few days, and now you're saying we have to keep doing it? Are you trying to turn us into living blocks of fermented soybean paste?"

『Negative. The supplied items also included bread and milk. You are making a false statement.』

"What are you talking about? The Resistance that sneaked in ate all of that. Why are you looking for what is in their stomachs from me?"

At my irritated answer, the golem jerked its head up as though struck by a surprise blow.

『...I did not hear you correctly. Could you say that again?』

"I mean, the Resistance that hid in the supply boxes held out by eating all the food that wasn't canned goods. That's why all we have to eat is these sickening canned beans. You saw it too. We've eaten nothing but beans for days. Azzy and I can't live on beans alone, so give us something else."

『The Resistance infiltrated Tantalus?』

The golem stood silently for a long while, then suddenly began interrogating me.

『Why are you only telling me this now?』

"Why? Because I need supplies."

『Did it not occur to you that reporting an infiltration was more important than supplies?』

"Was it?"

『Affirmative. Of course it was. So what happened? What became of the intruders?』

"They tried to set off a bomb, so a fight broke out. After the fight, the vampire ate the intruders deliciously."

The golem touched its forehead with its functioning right hand. The gesture was so lifelike that I was certain Captain AB was doing exactly the same thing.

『This is not a false report, correct?』

"Would I eat canned beans for days just to get more supplies? If you need proof, look up the name Kanisen Riverwood. It should be on the wanted list."

『Please wait a moment.』

The light vanished from the golem's eyes for a moment. She seemed to have disconnected briefly to check. Before long, it moved again.

『...Confirmed. I judge your statement to have sufficient credibility. There is no way you could have accessed the recently updated wanted list, so it would be reasonable to assume you met him directly.』

"Yes! So you'll give us supplies now, right?"

『Is that what matters right now?』

"Of course it matters. Azzy is starting to try to eat me because she's sick of beans. Azzy, who growls the moment I open a can of beans, is much scarier than the Resistance who are already dead and serving as nourishment for the vampire."

Once again, the golem held its head and groaned. A deep sigh came through the microphone.

『...I will request additional supplies. However, this matter requires an inquiry into the circumstances and a decision from my superiors, so I ask for your cooperation.』

"If you'll give us supplies, I can explain the circumstances all you want. How would you like to hear it? In the style of a fairy tale? Or a play?"

『Please do it in the style of a written statement.』

"All right. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful village where waterwheels spun and drew up water, forming rainbows draped like zelkova trees. Along the riverside flowed clear water from the mountains, merchants seeking signposts toward the sea, the stories they carried, and the dreams of a boy who grew up listening to them. There, a young boy named Kanisen Riverwood..."

『A written statement.』

"Tch. You have no romance. Statements are boring."

Hands and mouths were separate so that the mouth would not interfere with what the hands did. As I explained everything to the golem, my hands were free, and they naturally sought work.

The work I found was opening canned beans. I had performed every trick possible with these sickening cans of beans, so it was time to get rid of them.

As I opened the mountain of cans one by one, I told the golem what had happened.

"So. Those bastards were trying to blow Tantalus apart with a bomb. Using the art of heaven and earth and the divine technique of shrinking the ground, I took up a position behind them. Startled by my secret, sudden approach, they rushed at me like frightened rabbits. Then I threw the canned beans in my hand, and the cans exploded like grenades and swept away the enemies... Ah, sorry. How much did you hear?"

『I confirmed that they devised a plan to destroy Tantalus with a bomb.』

"Oh, yes. So..."

I was in the middle of explaining and pouring opened cans into a large pot.

Thud thud thud. Loud footsteps echoed through the hallway. I didn't even need to read thoughts to guess the owner of those noisy, stomping footsteps, which announced their presence so clearly.

"Woof, no!"

Azzy burst through the cafeteria door, rushed straight to me, and clung to me. She wrapped both arms around my waist, clamped her teeth down on my sleeve, and shook her head hard as she pulled. She looked utterly desperate, as though she thought I was performing some witch's terrible alchemy.

"No! Beans, no! Woof! Stop!"

"Azzy, I think my body will tear before my clothes do, so could you let go?"

"Woof! Woof woof!"

She must have hated beans terribly to hear cans opening and come running here in fear.

The military state instructor uniform was needlessly sturdy and did not tear easily. As a result, my hand swung from side to side with Azzy's head. My wrist was in danger of being dislocated from that alone.

After barely calming Azzy down, I emptied the final can into the pot.

"We aren't going to eat these canned beans."

"Woof? Really?"

"Yeah. How could we eat all of this? We're using it as fertilizer."

I added water to the canned beans in the pot, making something like bean porridge. Azzy raised her tail straight and stared at the pot full of beans as though it were her mortal enemy. After soothing the excited Azzy, I groaned as I lifted the heavy pot containing the equivalent of twenty cans and headed deeper into the storage room.

There was a large body that looked like a corpse with all its limbs torn off. I set the pot down loudly near its head, whose eyes had rolled back.

Then the undead's right arm leaped up and began scooping the sticky bean porridge into its mouth. It did not look edible for a human no matter how I looked at it, but as long as it was nourishment, the right arm seemed unconcerned with form or taste.

Though an arm with no tongue couldn't know flavor anyway.

"It was creepy at first, but it feels fine when I think of it as raising a plant."

It would probably take a day to eat all of that. I closed the storage room door and came out. Azzy had been crouched by the door with her tail raised stiffly. Once she confirmed I wasn't holding the pot, she barked happily.

As Azzy and I approached the golem, I said, "You saw that, right? You can't make Azzy eat any more beans."

『I understand the circumstances, but the inquiry is not finished yet. Please complete your explanation first.』

"Oh, right. Where was I?"

『You explained that Resistance remnants were planning a bombing attack.』

"What? I already said everything. That's the end. We joined forces and stopped them, then gave the bodies to the vampire. The end."

The golem suddenly stood and raised its fist. What was this? I was slow to react for a moment because I couldn't read its thoughts. Was it trying to fight me? Unfortunately, no matter how weak I was, a squat model like this couldn't hurt me.

I gently moved the fingers of my left hand to draw its attention. In the meantime, my right hand circled behind the golem.

"Yup."

A tap behind its knee made the golem collapse immediately. I swiftly moved my left hand, twisted its raised arm behind its back, and restrained it. The golem struggled, but with its right arm unable to move properly, it couldn't escape.

I stroked the golem's back with my fingers and muttered leisurely.

"Claim down, claim down. Calm down, calm down. Even if you have complaints, settle down for a moment. Getting worked up won't help you at all."

『...If you are deliberately mocking this officer, I will inform you that you have succeeded.』

"Mocking you? Not at all. You seem to have some misunderstanding."

An enormous smile hung on my face, one so obvious that even I could notice it.

Ah. I was so happy to have something I could beat by force. If only there were a few more things like this.

"Woof! What about my food?"

Please. I wished there was just one more.

Footnotes:

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