WETRIED TRANSLATIONS

Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

[Translator – Aren]

◈ Chapter 325 If Only I Could (11)

I made three drawings.

One was just a mindless doodle, another showed faces I wanted to see, and the last one was……

"...Is this really okay?”

Scratch, scratch, scratch. I drew several lines over the scenery that simply wouldn’t come out the way I wanted it to. I really tried to just relax like the Archmage had told me, but for some reason, I couldn’t focus.

"Hmm."

My body, which had been leaning forward to make it easier to draw, now slouched the other way, half-way lying down.

Fwump. The luxurious felt sofa firmly supported my weight. It was strangely uncomfortable and yet comfortable at the same time.

"...Maybe I’ll just read a book or something.”

After lying there for a while, I staggered to my feet and looked for something I could do besides drawing. There were books the owner of this room left behind so there was no need to call for someone.

When I saw that one was a swordsmanship manual, I idly flipped through the pages for fun. It wasn’t bad, but my thoughts kept wandering just like they did when I was drawing.

After rummaging through every book in the room. I gave up on reading as well. Swordsmanship manuals, books on the lineage of noble families, fairy tales… No matter what I read, I just couldn’t get absorbed in any of it.

"...This is strange.”

Instead, only one thought kept pounding my head. Was it really okay for me to spend my time like this?

There was no anxiety about being discovered, no impatience from the time limit imposed by Disguise, no nervousness every time a priest passed by. That only made me feel even more unsettled.

This kind of warm peace, almost the first I’d ever been given, felt too unfamiliar and strange. I couldn’t quite get used to it.

"Is it really okay for me to just stay like this……?”

Besides, there were far too many screams and cries coming from outside that it was impossible for me not to hear them, no matter if I wanted to or not.

That contrast made me feel even worse. I was sitting here in this peaceful little bubble, while just outside these walls were wails and grief left behind by that Great Demon.

Ding.

After hesitating for a while, I eventually decided to ring the bell. I knew for a fact that no one had been waiting outside, but it didn’t even take a minute for a servant to knock on the door.

"Is there anything you require?”

"...I have something to tell your master.”

The Archmage had told me to rest, but I just couldn’t do it. Why did helping other people have to mean wearing myself down? Ignoring those sounds would be the thing that truly made me lose myself.

"So if I could meet him now…would it be possible for you to show me the way?”

"...Please wait a moment. I will ask the Young Lord and return with an answer.”

Still, after she’d gone that far to tell me not to overdo it, I wasn’t planning to help too much. I stayed where I was, thinking about what small things I might be able to do.

[You damn sucker……]

'Says the dumbass.'

As I shot back at Wrath, an uneven set of footsteps soon reached my ears.

Click, scrape, click, scrape. The sound of one normal step followed by a dragged foot rang out again and again.

Knock, knock.

"May I come in?”

That voice asking for permission to enter sounded familiar too… “I don’t mind.” I realized who it was only half-way through answering him.

The hoarse and the sound of someone limping on one leg. Both were characteristic of the Young Lord.

"...I didn’t expect you to come in person.”

I stood up as the Young Lord entered alone, without anyone accompanying him. He wasn’t particularly short, but I was so tall that his gaze had to angle upward to meet my eyes.

"So it isn’t Fasha.”

Ah, did he think Faust had called for him? At his mutter, I adjusted the hood pulled low over my head.

"Sorry to disappoint you. He’s still asleep.”

"...I see.”

Anyway, I couldn’t just leave a guest standing around in my room for long, especially one with an injured leg. I pointed the Young Lord toward a chair, then closed the door for him.

Click. There was no other presence beyond the shut door.

"I heard you had something to say to me.”

The Young Lord, someone quite high-ranking, was speaking formally to me? I thought his manner of speaking was a bit strange, but I didn’t bother bringing it up. The body belonged to that kid, someone he knew, so I guess that could make things a bit awkward. Hm, thinking too deeply about it was too bothersome, though.

"If there’s anything I can do, I’m willing to help with whatever it is. That’s all I wanted to tell you.”

"Is that so?”

But did this guy always speak in such a dry tone?

"...Is there nothing I can help with?”

"It's not that there isn’t.”

I knew his position had changed, but this was way too different from my first impression of him. I studied him awkwardly, wondering if he was just that exhausted. He did look very tired, but that didn’t seem like it was explanation enough for this complete change in attitude. I still couldn’t quite figure him out.

"But it’s fine. You should rest.”

"...I’m fine helping, though."

While I was studying him, he was studying me as well. Perhaps because of the shadows, his eyes looked darker than his hair as they narrowed.

"I won’t allow it.”

"Why?”

"Because Fasha asked me to.”

"...That kid did?”

"Yes."

How was I supposed to classify the look in his eyes? At the very least, it wasn’t something that could be defined by just a single word.

"What exactly did he ask of you?”

"He asked me to support you for 9 years. He also asked me to make things more comfortable for you wherever I could.”

"And you intend to honor that request?”

"Of course. He asked me to after all.”

Rather than dip my hand into the depths of his emotions, I quietly stepped back half a step. Whoosh. But even after I backed away as far as I could, the intense tide of emotions still surged to the very edge and faintly dampened the tips of my toes.

"...With no evidence, it must be difficult to believe any of this. But you seem to trust that child’s words completely.”

"You don’t always need evidence to believe something…And I’m that child’s older brother.”

It was that kind of love. I quietly blinked, witnessing something I’d lost right in front of me. My chest ached, and I felt a bit of jealousy, but in the end, all I really felt was relief.

"If I don’t believe that child, then who will?”

Because Faust had a place to return to.

"...That’s a relief.”

I really meant that. It wasn’t because the Young Lord believed me or because it meant that I had gained a powerful backer.

"It really is a relief."

If I had to put it into words…it was closest to the relief of being freed from a responsibility. The kind of liberation that made one think, ‘I can finally send that child I’d been forced to take care of while struggling to take care of myself, somewhere else,' after finding their real guardian and the place they truly belonged.

"...I’m not sure what you’re relieved about.”

"I’m relieved because you're here.”

"...Me?”

“Yes.”

It felt unbelievably freeing to know that I didn’t have to handle everything myself anymore, that there was someone else who could do it in my place.

“Because I don’t think I can take responsibility for that child all the way to the end.”

With a bittersweet feeling, I laid down one burden I’d been carrying along with me from my heart. I kept worrying about what would happen to Faust after I left, but now I didn’t have to anymore. I just felt so relieved about that.

"No… to be precise, I don’t have the confidence to do that, and I don’t really want to either. I have too many feelings piled up toward that kid to completely devote myself to caring for him.”

"...I heard he was the one who dragged you into all this.”

"Yeah. It seems that I don’t need to explain further then.”

That didn’t mean I was going to abandon the kid right away. That just wouldn’t be right.

Still…. Just knowing that there was another option was enough to give me some peace of mind. Feeling better than before, I leaned back on the sofa.

"I’m sorry.”

"......?"

Then, the man in front of me stood up and immediately dropped to his knees without a single warning. The fleeting joy I had been feeling was immediately covered up by bewilderment.

"Why are you……?”

"Because I’m his family and guardian.”

But the Young Lord didn’t rise. Maybe the strain had reopened the wound in his injured leg, because I could see a faint stain coloring his trousers. It definitely spread outward from inside of them.

"The wound……"

"I’m sorry. I’m truly sorry.”

I hurriedly jumped to my feet and tried to help him up.

"I’ll make sure to make up for what he did in whatever way I can. Whatever you wish for, I’ll do everything within my power to grant it. So…please, give that child a chance.

"......"

What stopped me was the intense desperation in the words shooting out of him like rapid-fire.

My outstretched hand faltered and hovered around in midair as the Young Lord continued to spit out the rest of the words he had to say.

"I don’t even hope that you can forgive him. Please just don’t curse at that child. You can be angry with me and curse me out as much as you please instead. Just please hold back when it comes to that child. I beg of you.”

I glanced at his shoulders, hunched as he seemed to hold onto the ground to keep himself from collapsing, which made them look narrow. For some reason, those shoulders looked unbearably heavy.

"I’m not denying that he did something wrong. But he lost his family right before his eyes, so he wasn’t in a situation where he could have made any other choice, either. So…please, if only for that, please show him some mercy. Be angry with me if you must, but please don’t curse at him. I’ll shoulder all the resentment you haven’t been able to let go of, so please.”

I missed my parents.

"...Get up."

But the prayer I was making now hadn’t been born from desperation or pain. There was certainly an ache from me missing them so much, but it wasn’t the kind of pain that made me feel as if I couldn’t breathe without them. I wasn’t so desperate that I had to go searching for their embrace because I just couldn’t bear it anymore.

"If your wound gets any worse, Faust will be sad. Get up.”

"...You.”

Because now there was someone who would say they were sorry, someone who told me I was allowed to be angry. Someone who told me to write down every little pain I’d been carrying and give it to them.

“And… I’ve already decided to give that child a chance.”

Because the meal I ate here was truly excellent.

"That’s why I’m here.”

I finally put some strength into the hand that had been hovering pointlessly in the air and reached out. Despite how long I’d hesitated, I pulled the Young Lord to his feet in one go.

"But, Young Lord. While I do intend to give the child a chance, I can’t guarantee that he’ll take it.”

Of course, that wasn’t the end of it. After helping the Young Lord to sit down in the chair again, I leaned back against the sofa again. “What do you mean……?” The Young Lord’s eyes widened, seemingly having understood what I was talking about.

"He seems to think that his own life isn’t worth living. I probably had some involvement in making him think that way, so I don’t really have the right to say anything…but I still think you need to know.”

Now that I’d worked through some of my old emotions and could look back with a slightly cooler head, I realized some things.

Over the past few days. I’d been blaming the kid more than I should have. And there had definitely been things in the way I did it that could easily be misunderstood. These two things.

"...What…should I do?”

"Who knows?”

Though, strictly speaking, the reason I’d only blamed the kid was slightly more complicated. It wasn’t that I lashed out at him because he was an easy target. It was more that I didn’t even think Wrath was worth getting angry at, so I’d stopped wasting my time on her. The fact that getting angry would only benefit her had played a huge part in that as well.

But from the kid’s perspective, all those complicated circumstances probably would’ve been enough to make it seem like I was only blaming him.

So that part was definitely my fault.

"For now, I’m going to keep telling that kid to try living. The root of all of these problems is ultimately the Demon. Faust got caught up in her scheme and ended up committing a sin, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s just another victim.”

So at least that much needed to be set straight. [Gretchen, why is it always me you—] I ignored the annoying fly buzzing around me and folded my arms.

"But I can’t say for sure whether that’ll change his mind. So after that, it’ll be up to you. Make him want to live, give him a reason he can’t die…that’s your responsibility.”

It’d be best if I could change Faust’s mind, but there was no guarantee I’d be able to. Besides, I was planning to go back in 9 years, so there was a chance Faust’s feelings could change again after I left.

I made that clear to the Young Lord. He didn’t seem stupid, so that alone should’ve made him understand the situation.

"...Thank you for the advice.”

"It’s only right for me to tell you after all.”

Anyway, that really brought my talk with the kid’s guardian to an end.

"So, is there really nothing I can help with?”

I finally managed to steer the conversation, which had somehow turned into a consultation, back to its original course. “No.” But unfortunately, this guy was still as firm as an impenetrable wall.

"I’m not shameless enough to make you work for me, and if Fasha found out, he’d hate me. Why would I do that? Please just stay put.”

"But……”

"More importantly, this crisis is the city’s responsibility. Now that all the urgent work is over, I have no intention of continuing to rely on help from outsiders.”

So are you going to turn away the reinforcement too? That thought briefly crossed my mind, but I pushed away the urge to nitpick. I didn’t want to become someone who pretended not to understand what one meant when one said something.

"So, what are you going to do now?”

But when he asked me that, I was at a loss for words for a moment. He really turned the focus of the conversation right back on me just like that.

He probably hadn’t asked knowing that, but that was one hell of a counterattack.

"If you haven’t decided where to go yet, you’re welcome to stay in this city. The Temple here won’t be hostile toward you, and the people of this city will welcome you with open arms as well.”

"...Do you even know who I am?”

"The savior of our city and the person my younger brother is indebted to. Is there anything more?”

No, when you put it like that, it sounded kind of weird. Still keeping my arms crossed, I lifted one hand and rubbed the back of my neck.

"...I’ve fled before.”

"...Could you tell me what happened?”

"Well……”

I briefly summarized the Bemurchen incident for him. It was something I should’ve told him much earlier, but somehow I ended up putting it off until now.

"So I can’t just keep imposing on you like this. I don’t want to bring you any trouble.”

Wait, before that, had the Young Lord seriously still not heard about my background? Sure, I could understand that the people of the city didn’t know, but quite a few outsiders had already arrived in the city by now, right? Are you telling me no one told him?

"Ah… That was you?”

But by the time I finished explaining, he responded with the indifference of someone who actually felt relieved. It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected, to say the least.

"If that's what you were worried about, it’s fine. The Temple in this city has already decided to accept you. Or did the Archmage not tell you anything?”

"...I heard that the negotiations went well.”

"So you did hear. That’s enough. Since the Temple of this city has come to a decision, it doesn’t really matter anymore what anyone else has to say.”

Well, isn’t that a bit too optimistic……? What was he going to do if another city complained……?

"You don’t need to worry about other places. Munmund may have suffered a lot of damage in this incident, but this city is home to many Knights, and we’re also holding the front line. They wouldn’t dare pressure us.”

My timid worries were cut off by what he said next. That was kind of cool. Was this what a proper ruler was like……? No, wait. If he was willing to risk the entire city for his little brother, maybe he wasn’t a proper ruler after all?

"Anyway, if that’s your reason, then feel free to stay here without worrying. As long as I cooperate, there shouldn’t be any problem with you living a peaceful life.”

"No, I mean……”

"Ah. Of course, with people watching, I can’t exactly promise that you can keep doing nothing like this, but I can guarantee this one thing. No matter which city you go to, no place will treat you better than this one.”

Well, of course. Since the person who favors Faust the most is the one running the city.

His guarantee made me feel strangely awkward, so I blurted something out.

"Just so we’re clear, I’m not Faust.”

"I know."

Fortunately, he was aware of that.

"But everything you see, feel, and experience is transmitted to that child as it is as well, right?”

"That’s........"

"Even if it isn’t, it doesn’t matter. Just the fact that the body you’re in belongs to Faust makes me wish for your safety and peace.”

He knew, but he just didn’t care. Completely out of things to say, I finally ended up rolling my eyes around.

"I……”

"I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, so don't feel too burdened. But if you have nowhere else to go, it might be worth considering.”

"......”

"Then don’t think about going anywhere for now and just rest here. I still have a lot of work to do, so I’ll be going.”

With that, the man who had just dropped this massive bomb on me calmly got up and left the room. I did feel grateful, but I could feel annoyance bubble up inside of me. I felt quite complicated about all of this

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