WETRIED TRANSLATIONS

Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

[Translator – Aren]

◈ Chapter 326 If Only I Could (12)

"So in the end, I can’t do anything……”

[It’s not that you can’t. They’re telling you not to do anything.]

After the Young Lord left, I ignored Wrath’s snark as usual and thought over the offer he’d left me with. Even thinking about it again, it definitely wasn’t a bad offer.

No, if anything, it was probably the best option for me. In a class-based society like this one, it would be pretty hard for life to be uncomfortable if I had the Young Lord backing me.

At worst, there could be trouble if someone with enough authority to overrule the Young Lord’s decision, namely, the Lord of this place, objected. But judging by how the Young Lord seemed to handle most of the work, the possibility of that happening was pretty low.

After all, unless the Lord trusted the Young Lord or simply had less power than him, why would he leave everything in his hands?

It didn’t seem like anything happened to the Lord either. If he’d been injured or killed, the Young Lord would’ve shown at least some signs of being affected by it, but there hadn’t been a hint of that at all.

So in this case, the Lord was probably implicitly allowing my presence as well. That was why the Young Lord could be so confident.

'The only problem is, I don’t know what I’d end up doing here if I stayed……'

But honestly, I wasn’t too worried about that either. As long as I was using Faust’s body, I doubted the Young Lord would overwork me or anything.

And even if he did give me work for appearances’ sake, surely it wouldn’t be anything as difficult as taking down a Great Demon. At worst, it’d probably be something like patrolling Demonic zones or killing a few Demons that showed up.

Just like the other Knights.

'That actually sounds pretty—......?’

I felt some unease that staying here might cause trouble for them, but even the Young Lord himself had said that it was fine.

So I started to think if I only considered my own circumstances, staying here was clearly the best choice. Especially since I didn’t actually need to defeat Satan in order to go home.

If I stayed here, I wouldn’t have to keep fighting, I wouldn’t endure the hardship of camping outside all the time, and I wouldn’t have to keep getting dragged through all kinds of suffering.

My resolve started wavering without me even noticing.

"Hmm."

I had actually been thinking about stopping by the Great Forest afterward. They’d treated me really well there as well… But in terms of convenience, this city was probably better… No, but I still owe them for everything they did for me……

And the Hero’s party also weighed on my mind a bit. Of course, staying here wouldn’t exactly mean I was betraying them, but… If I left, the Inquisitor would have to deal with even more troublesome things…and the Archmage……

Meister also followed me all the way here because he said he’d deliver the items I had commissioned, didn’t he? I don’t know if he’ll keep traveling with the Hero’s party, but if he does, then morally speaking, that’d be a little… And setting Meister aside, there was Berserk too……

"Ah. Berserk.”

Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen Berserk even once since the party came here. I felt a bit guilty that I only realized now that she’d been missing.

"I still need to apologize for breaking her axe……"

I groaned as I remembered the weapon I’d smashed to pieces.

Maybe I should ask the Young Lord later if he had a decent halberd lying around. Or ask him to introduce a good blacksmith to me at least.

If I emptied out all the money I had, I could probably get at least one good-quality weapon made……

"...I don’t know."

I flopped down and stopped thinking. I couldn’t immediately resolve the matter of where I would go, what I should do, and how to make it up to Berserk.

Of course, in Berserk’s case, I could probably find her pretty quickly if I asked around. And when you’re apologizing for something you did wrong, it’s usually best not to drag it out.

But I still shouldn’t just show up empty-handed. This wasn’t just some trivial matter either. I’d smashed her weapon, which made me feel even more strongly about it.

Yeah, I should definitely bring something when I apologize to her.

'Besides, both the Archmage and the Young Lord told me to stay here……'

They’d both left me today with more or less the same message, ‘Don't think about going anywhere. Stay here.’ Not just one of them, but both.

What else could I do? I decided I’d behave myself and stay in the room for at least today. I’d just leave the rest to my future self to deal with.

"...I’m bored."

[It hasn’t even been 10 minutes since you said you were going to rest.]

That didn’t change the fact that I was bored, though. I sprang up from the sofa and wandered around the room, looking for something interesting enough to keep me entertained.

"There aren’t even any more books to read……"

If I were on Earth, I might’ve gone, ‘Oh, some useful reference material,’ and filed it away in my head, but right now I had neither a reason nor the motivation to do that.

"Hmm."

So should I draw again then?

Maybe because I’d stopped halfway earlier, picking up the pen again felt a bit awkward. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to draw, but I didn’t have the energy to sit down and focus on it… The classic ‘I want to draw but not really’ mood, I guess. The curse of an artist with no deadlines.

"Hmmm."

Writing down my feelings also didn’t sound appealing to me yet either. I’d rather do that later… once I had a bit more breathing room. I had a feeling I’d just get emotional all over again if I did it now, and I didn’t want that.

"Ah, I seriously don’t know……”

Flop.

In the end, unable to choose anything, I lay down on the bed. The sheets, now completely cold, felt soft and cool against me.

[Going back to sleep?]

I wasn’t really trying to sleep. I just wanted to lie in bed.

Lying face down across the mattress, I wriggled a little and sluggishly turned my head. I could breathe again, but my neck was uncomfortable. Well, that was just how lying face down was.

"Is it really okay for me to just lie here……?”

And a part of me grew anxious again. Was this really okay? In a way, maybe what I was feeling was closer to helplessness actually.

[My dear Gretchen.]

No. If I dug a little deeper, maybe it wasn’t just anxiety or helplessnesss……

[I’ve never really understood you, but I understand you even less now. Everyone is telling you to rest, so why do you feel such a need to do something?]

I buried my face a little deeper into the blanket. It was hard to breathe, but it felt safe. I pressed myself into that stifling calm.

[Do you want to prove that you still have value as a human? Are you clinging to the little humanity you have left because you’re afraid of how much you’ve lost? Does showing kindness to others make you feel like you’re still human?]

Ah, but not being able to breathe really does suck.

[Foolish Gretchen……]

Wasn’t there some kind of bed where I could have soft comfort and breathe properly at the same time? My face was far too shameful to show the world, so I wanted to hide in the covers, but did that really have to mean I needed to suffocate myself like this?

I really hate feeling like I couldn’t breathe.

[You’d be a lot more comfortable if you just set your conscience aside, yet you insist on taking the long way around every single time.]

I curled up as I listened to that being with no conscience, shame, or basic decency. Its words meant nothing to me, but it had still exposed the truth I’d been hiding, and there wasn’t much I could do about that.

Like a wounded beast, I folded myself up as tightly as I could. In the space left behind after I’d finally spat out that lump of emotions, the pain I still hadn’t worked through slowly reared their ugly heads.

Ah, I want a cigarette.

* * *

Knock, knock, knock, knock.

I had no idea when I’d fallen asleep. The rough knocking made me sluggishly lift my eyelids.

Knockknockknockknockknockknock.

In that brief moment, the knocking grew even rougher. The fast, steady rhythm practically showed off the knocker’s temper, and I quickly lifted my upper body. My hand was already reflexively brushing back my messy hair.

"...Who is it?”

Damn, my voice was hoarse. Realizing how low and gravelly it sounded, I dragged myself out of bed. “Uh, me.” A familiar voice came from outside the door.

"...Meister?”

Why was Meister here again? I roughly straightened out my crumpled clothes and cracked the door open.

"Um… Good evening.”

"...You came too, huh?”

Meister and Daniel were standing outside the room. It was too dark to see clearly, but there was a trolley behind them carrying something.

"What? Were you sleeping this whole time?”

"...Is there a problem?”

"Not really? I was just asking.”

"Um… If you’re tired, we can just come back at another time.”

From what I could make out, it looked like food and drinks… Still half asleep, I opened the door wider.

"Come in."

I didn’t know why they’d come, but if they’d brought all that stuff over after sunset, they probably had a reason. I shuffled back into the now-familiar room and led them inside.

"Nice room."

"I’ll turn on the lights.”

Lights? I blinked slowly at Daniel’s words, then pointed at the candles around the room.

The instant I flicked my finger, Demonic Energy gathered over the wicks and burst into flame.

Fsssssh. The candles flared to life one after another like a spreading wildfire, illuminating the room.

"That’s sick."

"...Impressive.”

...How did I do that? I reflexively stared at my own finger. Seriously, how did I do that?

[...I showed you yesterday because you looked so uncomfortable struggling with it. Don’t you remember?]

Wrath interrupted, sounding rather unimpressed. Only then did I remember.

Last night, I couldn’t sleep and stayed awake until dawn. When she saw me lighting the candles one by one, Wrath had snapped at me to stop being so pathetic and asked if I was saving my Demonic Energy to make stew out of it or something. That was how I’d learned this little trick.

"So that’s why you haven’t shown your face for four days. You’ve been holed up in here practicing stuff like this?”

That reminded me of something else I hadn’t really been thinking about. Or more precisely, Meister’s comment finally made me understand something.

"...Has it really been four days already?”

"Yeah."

I knew time was passing. But I had nothing to do really, and my thoughts kept going into strange places, so I’d been sleeping, eating, zoning out, then sleeping, eating, and zoning out again. I hadn’t realized exactly how much time had gone by……

I pulled back the curtains and opened the window. The cool air swept through the stuffy room and moved on.

"How long has it been since you aired out this place? Why does the air outside, mixed with the smell of burned corpses, smell better than it does in here?”

"Meister, you should probably watch what you say……"

"Hey, I air my place out as well.”

I quietly listened to them bicker, then dragged another chair from where it had been shoved into a corner over toward the fireplace.

“Really? For a place you claim to air out, it sure reeked a whole lot like old grease and metal.”

"Pfft."

Two single-seat sofas that had already been there, plus the stool I’d just brought over. There was a pretty huge gap in comfort between those two, but there weren’t any other seating options.

Wondering which of the three of us would end up in the uncomfortable seat, I looked between Daniel, who was trying not to laugh, and Meister, who was glaring at me.

"Does your workshop even have windows?”

"It has vents. Which means it’s being ventilated all the time.”

"That’s quite the twisted logic you got there.”

"I don’t see how it’s twisted.”

“Never mind then. More importantly, it looks like one of us is going to have to sit on the stool.”

"I’m taking a sofa.”

"Your conscience is dead, huh?”

Meister, who’d been grumbling about the vents, immediately claimed one of the sofas. His shameless purple eyes were basically saying that he absolutely would sit on something comfortable, so one of us two should just suffer.

"...I’ll sit there."

"No. You take the sofa.”

I guess I'd be the one sitting there, then. After shoving Daniel, who’d offered to take the stool, onto the sofa, I finally started asking why they were here.

"So, why did you come?”

Rattle. Meister was pulling the trolley they’d brought closer to the sofa.

"Ah, nothing much. Thought we’d just down some booze.”

A huge jug emerged from the trolley beside the sofa.

"......? Booze?"

It wasn’t one of those fat earthenware jars used for making fermented sauces, of course. If I had to describe it, it was shaped like a long, narrow gourd with a handle attacked. The only unusual thing was that it was about as long as an adult’s upper body.

“...I’m so dumbfounded I don’t even know what to say.”

Since they’d brought food and drinks, I’d expected something along the lines of ‘Let’s eat and have a talk.’ But what did he just say? Down some booze? Meister really was someone beyond anyone’s imagination.

"What didcha say?”

"This, erm, I’m sorry.”

The most astonishing part was that Daniel had apparently gone along with Meister’s madness. I stared at Daniel like Caesar after he'd been betrayed by Brutus.

The gray-haired Inquisitor seemed well aware of how absurd this whole situation was, because he kept awkwardly running his hand through his own hair.

“...I’ve got a lot I want to ask, but let me start with the most important question. Won’t you get in trouble for this?”

Whatever. They probably had some reason for doing this.

So instead of asking why they were doing this, I checked whether they could get in trouble for these actions. I could drink or smoke in the middle of the night and no one would blink an eye, but their situation was a bit different.

"No."

"More reinforcements arrived this morning, so we’ve got some breathing room now. We also got the Young Lord’s permission beforehand, so I don’t think there’ll be any problems later.”

The Young Lord actually gave them permission to get Faust’s body drunk? It felt weird at first, but I guess it made sense. The age of adulthood here was lower than on Earth, and so was the drinking age.

"I see."

Setting that aside, there was still one problem remaining.

"That’s good then… But I don't really like alcohol. I don’t mind sitting with you while you drink, but I’d rather you didn't try to get me to drink.”

I don’t drink.

"Really? Why?”

"I’ve got some bad experiences with it.”

I’d never been all that fond of alcohol to begin with, and after one of my upperclassmen in college made me drink until I threw up, well…

"...I see."

"Yeah? Damn, that sucks…”

"...Why did you suddenly bring alcohol in the first place?”

I doubted they’d shown up out of nowhere like this for no reason, but I still had no idea why they’d suddenly decided to do this. Meister casually dug in his ear at my dumbfounded question.

"Thought we’d have a heart-to-heart and stuff.”

"......??"

"...Well, alcohol can, when consumed in moderation, help relieve some stress…right? So we thought a bit of alcohol would help you too…That was the idea at least.”

Had Daniel actually been dragged along to translate Meister’s nonsense?

Watching him explain everything before I even had to interpret it myself, I picked up the water pitcher. They hadn’t brought it. One of the servants had left it here so I could drink whenever I wanted.

"That wasn’t a bad plan. A shame that I don’t drink.”

"Can’t be helped then. Eat some of the snacks, at least.”

Glug, glug, glug. Whether I drank or not, Meister lifted the jug and poured himself a cup. The metal drinking cup was finely crafted, proof that they weren’t bluffing about having the Young Lord’s permission.

"Ah, want me to boil it for you instead?”

"...Perfectly good alcohol?”

"I found this out when I used to share a lab with some other wizards. If you boil alcohol in an enclosed room, you can get drunk without drinking any.”

...Well, obviously. The vaporized alcohol would be absorbed through your respiratory system after all.

My expression soured because I knew the science behind it, and Daniel’s soured right after because, even if he didn’t know the science, he knew exactly how insane that experiment sounded.

"...Why would you ever think of boiling alcohol in an enclosed space like that in the first place?”

"Why the hell would I know? Ask the bastard who did it."

Damn wizards. I gulped down water from the pitcher, reminded again of just how insane wizards could be.

I renewed my vow of never getting involved with them again as well.

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