WETRIED TRANSLATIONS

Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

[Translator – Aren]

◈ Chapter 328 If Only I Could (14)

"...You’re smaller than I expected.”

「...I’m sorry. I-I didn’t mean to turn into this……」

"I wasn’t saying that to make you apologize.”

Faust, who had entered Ratel, looked no different from the way I’d seen him in the mindscape.

Compared to this body, the top of his head barely reached my shoulders, his arms and legs beneath the uniform were thin, and his hands were so small they almost felt ridiculous compared to mine.

It was almost astonishing that this kid had grown into this body.

"...Is this your true form?”

"I’ve heard the soul is influenced more by the mind than the body. Its form changes according to the essence the subconscious defines for itself. That’s probably why he looks so childlike.”

And since Ratel was a substance without a defined form, maybe it had naturally taken on the exact shape of his mindscape form. I blighty explained my theory, to which Meister and Daniel reacted in completely different ways. Meister’s face filled with interest and curiosity, while Daniel bit his lip at the realization that Faust was even younger than he’d expected.

Overall, their reactions were pretty similar to mine when I first saw Faust. Well, probably, I’d never actually seen what I looked like myself.

"...For now, it would probably be better to sit down before this conversation gets any longer.”

After thinking for a while, Daniel made Faust, who’d been standing there awkwardly, sit on the sofa. It was the one Daniel had been sitting on up until now.

「Huh?」

"I’ll get something else to sit on.”

If I looked through the other rooms, there had to be something like a stool somewhere.

I stepped out for a moment and searched the other rooms. Fortunately, the door across the hall was open, so I didn’t have to go far.

"Sit down."

The sofas were too bulky to carry over, but there was a chair in front of a dressing table, so I brought that instead. It had a small backrest about a hand’s length long, with elaborate carvings, and floral fabric covering the seat.

Even under the dim light, the design stood out so much that Daniel hesitated for a moment.

"Erm, thank you.”

Yeah. Honestly, I’d wondered if this one was a bit too much, so I’d looked for another chair, but everything that seemed okay was too bulky for me to carry around……

"Amazing… A soul can inhabit an object that isn’t a body. And because it has no fixed shape, it even reflects the form of the soul……”

「U-Um, my hand……」

"How is it producing sound? Did it recreate vocal cords? But even if it did, the material shouldn’t be able to…”

While Daniel and I awkwardly took our seats, Meister fiddled with Faust’s arm like a pediatrician. Even though there was no way he’d find any pulse, he checked for one anyway, then started feeling around for the shape of bones and muscles.

"Save the research for later.”

You could tell he was greatly flustered even though his eyes were perfectly clear. I grabbed Mesier by the back of his collar and pulled him away. “Just 1 minute, no 10……!” He was forcibly pressed back against the sofa.

"...I think we can talk now.”

While I kept holding Meister back, Daniel finally faced Faust properly. The boy’s expression, which had been quite rattled by Meister's weird actions, finally became calm.

"What did you mean when you said that dagger…had something to do with me?”

「... It’s not directly related.」

Faust, sitting on the sofa, lowered his eyelids and spoke in a slightly trembling yet unbroken voice.

「It’s just that that incident is related to it.」

The distant exhaustion I’d seen once before slowly piled up on his face.

"...Related.”

Apparently, I wasn't the only one who noticed it. Meister stopped struggling as Daniel parted his lips. Beneath the gray hair, his eyes sank endlessly into gloomy darkness.

「I don’t know where to start. Where should I begin so it’ll be easiest for you to understand?」

The boy, on the other hand, tried to whisper as lightly as possible. “Understand……” Daniel shifted his interlaced fingers.

"...If it’s okay, could you please start from the very beginning?”

「The beginning……?」

"Yes. From… where all of this began.”

The boy briefly hesitated at Daniel’s request. It was unclear whether he wanted to refuse because recounting his miserable past was too painful or for some other reason.

His eyes, pure white like marble because of the material they were made of, quietly stared at us. Most of the time, though, they were directed at me.

「Gretchen, perhaps you shouldn’t listen to this.」

"Is there something I shouldn’t hear or something you want to hide from me?"

「It’s not… something like that……」

It’s not? Then why did he ask only me to not listen to what he wanted to say……? I couldn't understand the boy’s hesitation, so I thought about it for a moment. I really couldn't think of any possible reason.

"If there's no reason I shouldn’t hear it, I’ll listen too.”

It was better to hear it now while I had the chance than have something blow up in my face later and need to set aside time for it. It probably wasn’t easy for Faust to talk about his past either.

「...Okay.」

When I insisted, the kid finally agreed.

「It started when my little sister, who ran outside because she thought Father had come home……」

That was where the whole story began.

* * *

The boy had hoped the nightmare would end, but in the end, he opened his eyes inside the nightmare once again.

And it didn’t take him long to realize one thing within that nightmare—that Demon had entered his body.

[...You’re resisting more than I thought.]

"Huuff, hah."

He had been walking through the forest without stopping ever since he woke up. He had no idea whether he was going the right way or not. What the boy had been taught was how to fight Demons with a city wall at his back, not how to find his way through a forest without any tools.

"Hnngh."

Nor had anyone ever taught him what to do after his parents and siblings were all dead. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do when a Demon entered his body either.

So the boy simply kept moving, choking back his sobs. Away from the direction where the sun rose or set, toward somewhere that was probably south. Yeah, probably south.

[Feeling sleepy? You can sleep if you want. I won’t do anything this time. Really.]

But in this environment he had never experienced before, the boy learned a great deal of new things.

"Bleeergh."

[Oh dear, looks like that was poisonous.]

“Ah, ah……”

[You won’t die. But looks like you’re having a rough time, huh? Why don’t you get some sleep?]

"Uugh… Moom……”

For example, there was more food in the forest than one might think, and far less of it was actually safe to eat.

Grrrrrrrr.

"Ah, ah……!"

[Oh dear… Your shoulder’s been cut. Can you really fight that leopard like that? If you can’t, I could take care of it for you.]

There were quite a few predators that gathered around water in search for prey, and they showed up elsewhere from time to time as well.

"Huff, huuuff!”

[Looks like those bugs are giving you some trouble. Want me to burn them all? Just say the word, okay?]

If he slept between the trees, sometimes venomous insects would bite him.

"Wait, there’s a child collapsed here—”

[Ah, you finally passed out.]

"Huh? You’re awa—Uwaaagh! Fire, fire!!”

And the moment he closed his eyes or tried to escape even a little from all that pain and suffering, someone might die.

[Ah, you can sleep longer. Please, just sleep a bit longer, okay?]

"I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry……”

The boy sobbed before what once was a person but had now been reduced to nothing more than a pile of ash.

I’m sorry, I’m sorry. But I was so tired. I just wanted to get some proper sleep, even just for a little while… Ah, Mom, Dad, where are you? This is just so hard… It hurts so much……

Please come save me……

[Oh, little one. There’s no one who can help you.]

But they couldn’t come to save him.

After all, the dead had no way to influence the world of the living.

[So just give up. You’ll be with me forever.]

On the day he truly understood that, the boy no longer looked for his parents or his siblings.

In the end, there was no point making a wish unless there was someone left to grant it.

* * *

「It was dangerous to run into people, so I stayed as deep in the forest as I could. Even if I collapsed and the Demon took control, there was at least less damage it could do out there. There was hardly anyone around to begin with after all.」

"...I see."

「Honestly, the thought that I needed to go somewhere never really crossed my mind. It wasn’t that I didn’t know the Temple existed, but…maybe because I’d seen my family go down so easily, it felt like nothing could solve this horrific situation.」

"It’s common for someone in a panicked state caused by psychological trauma to lose the ability to think clearly. If anything, I’m surprised you were still able to move about with this much of your judgement still intact…Anyway, what happened next?"

「...At one point, I lost consciousness for weeks at a time.」

* * *

How long had he endured all kinds of pain without any anesthetic, barely eating or sleeping properly?

He had been half out of it, so he couldn't really tell how much time had passed. But he felt like he saw the sun set and rise about 20 times, so it couldn’t have been a short amount.

Grrrr.

"Ah......."

However, even that endurance eventually reached its limit.

"...Mom."

[...Ah. Finally?]

"Dad......."

On the day his old wounds had festered and bad food had left him with an upset stomach, a predator attacked as well. At last, the boy lost consciousness.

Normally, even when he passed out, a strange sense of unease would wake him not long after. He would shake off the force trying to seize his body and take control of it again.

But this time, he had fallen deeply unconscious that he couldn’t even do that.

"...Ah."

How much time had passed like that?

Because he’d been asleep, the boy couldn’t easily tell how much time had passed. However, judging by how refreshed his mind felt and how clear his thoughts had become, it couldn’t have been a short while.

That was the conclusion the boy had come to after noticing his own condition.

[You can sleep more.]

Then a gentle voice made him a tempting offer.

[It’s comfortable, isn’t it? Cozy? If you keep sleeping, you can keep enjoying all of that.]

To be honest, it was hard to refuse that offer. The sleep he’d enjoyed after a long time was truly sweet and peaceful, and when he thought about the pain that awaited him once he woke up, of course that place seemed a lot better.

"...Get lost!"

But instead of surrendering to it and falling back asleep, the boy resisted the horrible force constricting his soul.

"Get lost! Just get lost!"

[You little brat……! Stop resisting!]

"This is my body!”

Taking back control from that thing that had already taken over his body couldn’t be said to be easy. But even through that agony, the boy never gave in.

"She told me to live. My mother told me to live!!”

He had no other choice. 『Live.』 Their sacrifice hadn’t been made so the boy could just stop here.

"A child of Embers never loses!!”

At last, the boy succeeded in taking control back from the Demon. “Ah.” He could see the moon caught above the roof of a tall tower.

* * *

「When I opened my eyes, I was inside a city. There were even people behind me who’d just spotted me and were coming closer.」

"How did the Demon manage to get inside a city……?”

"...It has an ability that lets it temporarily conceal its Demonic Energy in exchange for a severe penalty. It probably used that.”

"I see……”

「...The moment I understood the situation, I got scared. The Demon’s rage was echoing within my ears, and the Demonic Energy that had been suppressed inside my body burst out on its own the instant the Demon lost control……」

"...If uncontrolled energy erupted within you, that should’ve damaged your body. And if that energy was Demonic Energy, then……”

「Ah… back then my skin split open, and I bled from my nose and eyes. I guess that was why.」

"Aha.”

“Wait, why are you talking about it like you just got a little cut or something…And Meister, why are you going ‘aha’ as well?”

"What? You want me to start worrying about something that has happened in the past now?”

"Your personality is really……”

"Why the hell are you butting in?”

「Um… Please don’t fight……」

* * *

The boy looked at the approaching people and thought that if the Demon took over his body again, those people would get hurt.

"A-a Demon!”

The boy’s expression twisted when he saw some of the approaching people drawing their swords. He had to run.

He slowly began to step back.

"Over there!"

And when the crowd’s shouting grew louder and more torches flared up around him, the boy turned and ran. They were unfamiliar roads in an unfamiliar city, but hesitating had never been an option.

The boy ran toward a place without torches, somewhere as deserted as possible.

"Ah, wait, wait right there—”

Fortunately, losing the gathered crowd itself wasn't that difficult. Ever since that disgusting Demon had entered his body, the boy’s physical abilities had far surpassed any ordinary limits.

It was quite trivial as compensation for losing his family and being forced to share his body with a Demon, but it still helped him get through the immediate crisis. The boy instantly vanished into the darkness.

"Demonic Energy. I can feel Demonic Energy!”

"A Demon got into the city!”

"No……”

The priests were the only problem left.

The boy clenched his teeth as he watched them track him with Divine power.

'I have to get out of the city. I have to.'

But how? The boy didn’t know how to find his way through a forest, how to forage for food, or how to drive out this Demon, but he did know how difficult it was to escape a group inside a city.

And he also knew that if that group wasn’t just made up of some back-alley thugs, but trained soldiers and priests, it went beyond merely difficult and became almost impossible.

After all, how many criminals and Demons had his father and siblings hunted down? Even if he hadn't been qualified to join them and had only watched from the sidelines, there was no way he wouldn’t know how hard it was.

'Think. I have to think.'

At this rate, he’d inevitably be caught. The moment the boy realized that, he forced himself to think as hard as he could.

『 Now, Fasha. It looks almost impossible to break through, right? It’s not, though. No matter how meticulously you prepare, there will always be a gap. And finding that gap is our job.』

『Hey, saying security always gets breached? Is that really something you should say in front of the Young Lord?』

『What’s the problem, Tiya? You agree with me too, don’t you?』

Suddenly, the boy remembered something his older brother and someone who, despite not being related by blood, was practically family had once told him. It was a conversation they’d had while taking him around looking for holes in the castle wall when he was little.

『...Well, I guess it’s true. Especially since our city produces a lot of gems. In a city with valuable local specialties like this, smuggling routes are bound to pop up no matter how strict the rules are.』

『See? Fasha, you heard that too, right? So when you’re on patrol, you need to keep that in mind and……』

Because the boy dreamed of becoming a Knight someday, they would often take him along on their patrols, and that included teaching him how to find weak points in the city walls.

'...I have to find one.'

Of course, this city the boy’d never seen before couldn’t exactly be the same as the one he’d lived in all his life. There were only a few things he could actually rely on.

However, relying on that old conversation, the boy found a way to escape the city.

"The Demonic Energy went outside the walls!”

"Get it, get it!”

Even amid such utter misfortune, luck itself seemed to favor the boy.

And so he ran away from that city. “We lost the Demon……!” He hadn’t been badly injured, but somewhere in his chest hurt as though it had shattered.

He was no longer treated as human.

* * *

「After that, I went back to wandering through the forest. I avoided people as much as possible… and tried to make sure the same thing never happened again. In the end, it didn’t go well, though……」

"Could it be…what happened next was……”

「...No. There’s still a little more before that. That incident…happened after I realized I wasn’t even free to die when I wanted to.」

"...What do you…”

「Even after I left the city, people kept dying because they got caught up with me. When I was fully alert, I could be around people without a problem…but if I wavered even a little bit, the Demon would come out.」

“......”

「I think…around 5 people died like that. Maybe more. The Demon’s flames are so intense that nothing remains except a handful of ash. So it’s quite hard to actually know the exact number.」

“Bones don’t burn in ordinary fire, though.”

「Exactly. It’s needlessly and excessively powerful…really, completely pointless……」

"......"

「Anyway…as more and more people kept getting dragged into this and dying, a thought kept appearing in my head.」

"...What?"

「Ah, maybe dying would be easier than living like this.」

"......!!"

* * *

The boy stood before a raging river and thought.

Rather than keep clinging to life while hurting people like this, he should just die. He would escape from this Demon through death.

'I’m sorry. Father, Mother.'

But they probably wouldn’t have wanted him to survive like this either.

"I love you."

The boy thought of a certain dark-blue-haired figure who would be left all alone. Sorry. With an apology that would never reach him, the boy stepped out into the empty air before him.

I miss you.

The boy’s body fell into the river below.

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