WETRIED TRANSLATIONS
Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?
[Translator – Aren]
◈ Chapter 329 If Only I Could (15)
「Let’s die. Rather than prolonging this painful life, it’d be better to die and finally be free.」
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Guuurgle. Had the dark blue water, reflecting the night, swallowed his entire field of vision? The moonlight, gently seeping through the surface, faintly illuminated the boy’s breath.
Splaaaaash!
But even that didn’t last long. The violent current wrapped around the boy’s body and swept him farther and farther downstream. His emaciated body, unnaturally skinny from barely eating, began to be helplessly pushed through the rushing water.
[What a pointless struggle.]
Ruuuuumble. His ears went deaf in an instant. Everything seemed so endlessly loud, yet, at the same time, as though he couldn’t hear anything at all.
The boy instinctively flailed his arms and legs against the freezing water around him. Thud! In the next moment he felt his body slamming into a rock.
[Do you really think you can die?]
It hurt. As his consciousness slowly faded, the boy thought that death was colder and more painful than he’d expected.
[Foolish kid……]
But he had to endure it. The boy forced himself to bear the pebbles and stones along the riverbed, battering and scratching his body.
[You can’t die.]
And when his body, unable to hold back its breath for this long, finally began slipping into unconsciousness, a chuckling laugh clearly pierced through his seemingly muffled ears.
[Never.]
It was truly horrifying.
* * *
「But I couldn’t.」
* * *
"Ah."
At some point, the boy realized he was still alive. He also realized that the pitch-black Demonic Energy had kept him tethered to this world in the end.
"Aahh……!”
He couldn’t die. Starting at the burned-out slash-and-burn village along the riverbank, the boy finally wailed.
* * *
「I couldn’t die.」
* * *
[Ah… You took it back again.]
The Demon that entered his body was truly such a cruel being.
[Why don’t you finish what you were eating first? You can survive without taking in nutrients, but you might not grow. You need to eat if you want to reach adulthood.]
What was especially cruel was that while the Demon had burned down a village that seemed to have at least 20 horses, it had deliberately left behind food for the boy to eat and supplies for him to use.
[After you filled your stomach, take the things I’ve gathered for you. I could make them myself, but if I did, I have a feeling you’d rather walk around naked, so I found some other ones.]
It was extremely selfish, yet because they shared a body, part of that selfishness always almost came across as kindness. That was the cruelest part. At this point, the being that cared most about the boy’s well-being and safety was the very same being that caused him the most pain.
[Oh, since we’re near the river, why don’t you wash up while you’re at it? We’re people, not beasts.]
That heartless kindness made the boy despair all over again. “After you killed these people.” The pain doubled because he was still holding food in his hands. “After you killed my entire family……” A product of its disgusting hypocrisy.
"I really wish you’d die.”
The boy threw the food away. Splat. It didn’t make him feel any better. The smell of the food mixed with ashes filled the world.
"I wish you’d just die……”
He wanted to die. The boy blankly stared at the river majestically flowing past him.
"I wish I was dead……”
If he jumped in again, could he die this time? The boy dropped to his knees. But if he failed to die, these incidents would just repeat again. At last, his hand struck the ground.
"Please let me die……”
[Oh…Little one. You know that’s impossible.]
"Kill me……”
[If you really want all of this to end, tell me your name. That’s all you have to do. Then I’ll gift you an oblivion no different from death.]
The skin, battered by stones, tore, but he hardly even felt pain of this level anymore. The boy silently sobbed as he drove his hands into the ground. His fingernails broke and cracked, but even that hurt less than the wound lodged deep in his heart. Red blood began to gradually pool on the ground.
[...But if you refuse to do that, then you leave me no other choice either.]
The voice that had been gently coaxing him gradually turned cold. White liquid began to seep from the boy’s heart.
[Brat, from now on, whenever you collapse, I’ll head north… Toward your hometown.]
The white liquid wiggled as it took shape. Rustle. A pale hand stretched toward the boy’s cheek, stopping just a hair’s breadth away from it.
It never touched him, but its mere presence forced the boy to raise his head.
[And when I make it all the way there, I’ll kill the people inside of it one by one while asking you.]
What stood there… was a pure-white figure wearing a goat skull like a mask.
“...You!"
[Are you going to tell me this body’s name? You won’t? Then I guess I’ll just rip this person’s limbs off. You still won’t? Fine then. Let’s see how long you can keep this up.]
"Just try something like that! I swear I’ll—!"
[There’s only one way for you to prevent that future.]
The boy suddenly felt his throat tighten. The family he still had left, people he’d half forgotten after the deaths of his parents and siblings, people he sometimes remembered but could never bear to think about for long, flashed through his mind.
Brother Gunya, his uncle and aunt, the neighbors he’d been close to……
The boy’s face went pale.
[You stubborn little brat. What’s your name?]
He couldn’t let them die as well. He couldn’t let them be slaughtered as brutally as his family had been.
The boy trembled at the mere thought of that horrific future, tears spilling down his face. [Little one.] That detestable voice kept pressing him endlessly.
It was hell.
* * *
「The moment even what I’d thought was my only way out was blocked, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I instinctively knew that doing what the Demon said couldn’t be the right answer, but that was all I knew. That alone could’t give me an answer.」
* * *
In the end, he never gave it his name. Something told him that even if he did, his hometown wouldn’t be safe.
But how long could he keep walking this tightrope? His mind was reaching its limits, and he didn’t know when he might lose consciousness for weeks again. Was simply enduring like this really the right thing to do?
The boy wandered aimlessly through a maze with no visible exit. Was there really a way out of this maze? He kept walking without even being certain of that.
* * *
「...And then I came across a group of priests. For the first time ever since the Demon entered my body, it advised me that ‘I should probably avoid them.’」
* * *
At that moment, the boy became desperate, like someone who had finally glimpsed a ray of light in the darkness. The Demon had told him to avoid them. Didn’t that mean they were a threat even to the Demon?
* * *
「It was a hopelessly foolish conclusion to come to… I saw one thing and missed everything else. Even when I was being hunted through that city, this being had done nothing but laugh like it was all beneath it. There was no way someone like that would see a bunch of priests as a threat…but back then, I didn’t think that far.」
* * *
"Help me. Please, help me……”
* * *
「I was so desperate for some relief that I overlooked the most important thing……」
* * *
"Please kill me."
As long as the boy firmly held control over his body, encountering other people wasn’t much of a problem.
If those people were priests, they would sense the Demonic Energy inside of him, which caused problems…but either way, nothing happened immediately.
The boy took advantage of that and tried to approach them.
"...A child."
"Stay back. It could be a Demon’s trick!”
“B-but.”
"Please, I beg you. Please kill me.”
"...He’s younger than Danny—"
The Inquisitors were wary and suspicious of the boy, yet they hesitated at the same time. The two who appeared to be husband and wife were especially reluctant.
Even with all that oppressive Demonic Energy right in front of them, they still showed him patience and compassion.
"I’m fine! Please, please kill me!”
"...Wait, calm down and tell us what happened. Are you a Demon? Or are you……?”
“A Demon is controlling my body whenever it wants. I’m suppressing it right now, but I don’t know when it’ll break free. So please……”
Their kindness was both something to be grateful for and also something very painful. The boy met the eyes of the person who seemed to hold the highest rank with a desperate gaze. The elderly Inquisitor was looking down at him with sorrow in his eyes.
"Prist, please don't let me commit any more sins.”
"...If we take you to the Temple, we may be able to purify the Demon somehow.”
"No, Priest.”
That gaze reminded him so much of his parents that it hurt, but somehow the boy managed to endure. At the time, he still believed that if God showed him mercy, he might be able to meet them again after death.
"I don’t know when I won’t be able to hold on anymore. I don’t think I can make it to the Temple.”
"Young lamb……”
"More importantly, Priest, I lost my family because of this Demon, and innocent people have been dragged into this and died because of me. Please don’t tell someone like me to live. I just want to be free now……”
"......"
"This Demon is persistent. So please, do it in just one blow…put as much power into it as you can and kill me."
And so the boy willingly offered his neck, and in the end, they granted his request.
"May you find peace in God’s embrace.”
"I’m sorry we couldn’t save you.”
Before the highest-ranking priest raised his sword, the Inquisitor couple gave the boy one final blessing. “O Lord, grant salvation to this pitiful, young soul.” The priest squeezed his eyes shut, and his blade, filled with Divine power, plunged down at the boy.
* * *
「...I only learned this later, but to kill this body in a single blow, someone around the Hero’s level would have to gather enough Divine power to burn it away all at once. That’s what my body had turned into.」
* * *
What the boy hadn’t known was that a strike with just this amount of power couldn’t kill him. If anything, it simply caused him to lose control of his body.
"I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry……”
[...Last time, you at least stayed unconscious for 20 minutes.]
And what the Demon had overlooked was that the boy’s willpower was a lot stronger than it had expected.
"I’m sorry……”
The Demon had probably been counting on the shock of death knocking the boy unconscious so it could seize the chance to freely control his body.
But the moment the boy realized death couldn’t just devour his body and end it all,. He stopped entrusting everything to it and trying to rest.
"I…I didn’t want this……”
He couldn’t help losing consciousness for that brief instant. But the moment the boy realized the hope he’d clung to had completely shattered, he drove the Demon out again. Once again, control of the body returned to him.
"This isn’t what I wanted……”
But by then, it was already too late. The boy collapsed before the ruined corpses and sobbed for hours on end. “Aah……” Innocent people had died again. They’d died because of him. Thick tears filled with despair and helplessness fell from the boy’s eyes.
"I’m sorry……”
The kindness and compassion they had shown the boy right up until the end were still painfully vivid to him, making his grief all the more desperate. The boy sobbed until he couldn’t anymore, then flinched as Demonic Energy began creeping up again.
The Demon was truly cunning and merciless, not even allowing him to cry in peace.
"Hng......."
If he’d had his way, he would have stayed there and begged for forgiveness for his sins endlessly, again and again. But with so many priests dead, the surrounding cities would definitely send search parties when they heard nothing from them anymore. If he stayed here, he might run into them. No. He would. Absolutely.
"I won’t… I won’t do it again……”
And if he ran into them, the same thing would happen again. Even if the boy didn’t beg them to kill him this time, they would most definitely draw their blades first, and at the end of that battle, the Demon would awaken once more.
"I won’t…I won’t ever ask anyone to kill me again……”
He wanted to die. That fact hadn’t changed.
However, he couldn’t bring himself to die anymore. Whether he tried to kill himself or borrowed someone else's hands, the Demon would inevitably stop it.
Realizing that, the boy left the place behind, tears desperately flowing from his eyes. It was truly horrific. Having to kill people that kind-hearted and then run away… There was nothing more horrible than that……
* * *
「I’m sorry. I’m really sorry……」
The moment Daniel heard the boy’s confession, he seemed to feel completely empty. So that’s what it was. That was what had happened back then. Those were the circumstances hidden behind it all.
「I shouldn’t have done that……」
Even as you died, you were only trying to save a child.
「I’m truly sorry……」
Not a Demon, but just a child… A pitiful soul you wanted to save.
"...I."
Daniel parted his trembling lips, letting out a hoarse voice. The boy before him was curled up on the sofa, head bowed deeply. Nothing ran down the cheeks that were barely visible.
"I… don’t think I can forgive you after all.”
Of course he couldn’t. That form might look human, but in the end, it was nothing more than a false body made from a Demon’s bones. A mere object that could hold life and a soul for a brief moment……
"Yes. I can’t forgive you.”
And so Daniel knelt. He knelt before the boy who wanted to cry but no longer could.
「Y-yes, I-I don’t deserve to be forgiven……」
"Because forgiveness is something you can only grant to someone who committed a sin to begin with.”
「......!」
Ah, Lord, I pray to You. Let these cold cheeks return to living flesh with blood running beneath them. Let him return to a life with soft skin and muscle instead of this hard surface.
"You haven't done anything wrong. So I won't dare speak of forgiveness. You haven’t wronged me in any way, and that’s exactly how it should be.”
If that can’t be done right away, then at least let me share my warmth with him when we embrace each other.
With that prayed in his heart, Daniel pulled the child into his arms. The cold body slowly began warming as it absorbed Daniel’s body heat.
"I’m sorry.”
「I-I…」
"I’m truly sorry for resenting only you all this time and for blaming only you without knowing anything.”
「I don’t deserve your apology……」
“You’ve suffered alone for so long……”
「I don’t deserve any kind of apology……」
Would this warmth reach beyond the surface and spread all the way into the boy’s heart? Hoping desperately that it would, Daniel held the boy who was crying without shedding tears.
"No. You absolutely do.”
「But I… Because of me……」
"You kept fighting to the very end without bowing to an evil as great as a Demon. That alone gives you every right.”
The body, hard as metal, was truly uncomfortable to hold, but somehow that very discomfort felt like proof that he’d made the right choice, and Daniel felt relieved.
"You really…endured so very much.”
The boy’s warmed body no longer felt cold.
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