WETRIED TRANSLATIONS

Is It Bad That the Main Character’s a Roleplayer?

[Translator – Aren]

◈ Chapter 330 If Only I Could (16)

Why forgive him? Why go beyond forgiveness and even tell him that nothing of all this was his fault?

Faust couldn’t understand Daniel’s words or his choice. Just as he couldn’t understand why the kind Gretchen had given him a chance, he simply couldn’t make any sense of the mercy shown to him now.

「Why…Why……?」

If it hadn’t been for me, your parents would still be alive. If I hadn’t had those thoughts back then, you wouldn’t have lost your parents, never lost part of your world.

「Just why……?」

Just why do you and Gretchen say things like that? If it weren’t for me, there would be no reason for you to go through all of this. All your pain and suffering came from me, so why don’t you blame me?

"Thank you. It must have been difficult to talk about this, especially when my stubbornness must have reopened those deep wounds. Even so, thank you so much for finding the courage to speak to me.”

A subtle pressure settled over his body whose sense of touch had almost completely grown numb. It wasn’t uncomfortable.

Being held so tightly that there wasn’t even the tiniest bit of space between them felt a lot more comforting than awkward.

Even if that warmth could no longer reach him and that softness could no longer be properly felt by him, that didn’t change a thing.

The comfort etched into his memory instantly shed the veil of oblivion and carried the warmth of those long past days to his soul.

"And once again, I'm sorry. I didn’t know about any of your circumstances and only resented you. Your shoulders were burdened with so much, and all I did was add even more weight to them…I’m truly sorry.”

No, that wasn’t your fault. The boy reflexively shook his head inside that tight embrace. The Arcane Power needed each time his form changed brushed against his soul and brought horrible pain, but none of that mattered.

「I-It was all my fault.」

The boy, almost desperately, poured out these words. But just when he wanted to say that it was his fault again, the hand gently brushing over his head paralyzed his tongue with its warmth alone. “Please don’t say that.” It was a sweet poison.

"Our misfortune wasn’t your fault, and it definitely isn't your responsibility. So please don’t say that.”

The same words Gretchen had said to him poured out of Daniel's mouth. The boy couldn’t understand them at all. They…They had no reason to forgive him. They really didn’t. So why……?

"You must have suffered so much as well. Don’t try to carry our resentment on top of everything else……”

But the voice that should’ve continued to speak for some reason refused to come out. He had been talking so naturally just a few moments ago, so it was clear that his voice hadn’t just disappeared, and yet somehow, for some mysterious reason nothing would come out.

「Uugh……」

This won’t do. The boy carefully lifted his head from Daniel’s shoulder and looked around, seeking help. He desperately sought someone who would just tell him, without a shred of hesitation, that everything was his fault.

"......"

But Gretchen had already shown him mercy so many times. 『Do you really think he’s sincerely forgiving you?』 Only after Gretchen had fallen asleep did his real thoughts get revealed. There was no chance he would ever give the boy the answer he wanted. 『He’s just enduring and sacrificing himself again. Just because you’re young and pitiful.』 Faust’s head automatically turned toward the one person still remaining.

"Well…you had it rough.”

Noticing his gaze, Meister scratched the back of his head and casually threw out some word.

"Anyone would’ve gone totally crazy, so you did damn well to hold on.”

His words might have sounded a bit sarcastic at first glance, but his dry, matter-of-factly voice stripped away even the slightest impression of mockery. If anything, it almost felt like he had been acknowledged by an objective observer.

"Besides, you really make life hard for yourself too. That idiot over there does the same thing, you know? Why are both of you digging yourselves into holes over things that weren’t you fault? It happened because the circumstances and environment gave you no other choice. I seriously don’t get why you’d come to the conclusion that this is all your responsibility and beat yourself up over it when you have no reason to.”

What followed gave of the same feeling. Even Meister didn't reproach the boy in the slightest. If anything, he almost seemed to sympathize with the boy more openly than the others.

「But if it weren’t for me……」

“Then they wouldn’t have gone through all this, right? Who knows? There’s not much point in running through these hypothetical scenarios. And if you’re going to make these kinds of assumptions, then you might as well consider the other possibilities as well.”

Meister crossed his legs, rested an arm on his knee, and propped his chin on his hand.

“If you hadn’t ended up with that Demon inside of you and being forced to hold it back all this time, what do you think it would’ve been doing instead?”

「...That’s…」

"First. Going by what you’ve told us, the Demon was probably wandering around the world looking for a vessel capable of containing it…and there can’t have been many suitable vessels, compatible hosts, for that thing. If there had been, it would’ve caused one hell of a disaster long ago.”

At the same time, he wildly waved his free hand in midair as though he was pointing at something. It seemed that gesture was meant to emphasize his words, but for a moment, everyone’s gaze was drawn to his hand.

"And if we go by your description of those people whose bodies seemed as if they were melting, then it can be assumed that anyone who wasn’t compatible with that thing probably couldn’t withstand the Demon and their body just broke down. What that does that mean? It means it must’ve been constantly switching bodies to avoid having its host collapse.”

"...Among the Great Demons, Wrath is one with unusually few eyewitness accounts or records connected to it. It was only mentioned a couple of times in ancient texts. If the reason for that was that it couldn’t find a host body and therefore couldn’t properly use its power…then that would make sense.”

"Right. And one or two people dying here and there wouldn’t raise any suspicion either. There were worse things happening in this world after all.”

So, setting that aside, if that really was what had happened, how many victims would there actually have been? Would switching bodies really have caused no collateral damage? It had caused so much destruction even when it switched into his body.

The more Meister spoke, the harder it became for Faust to part his lips. Meister just knew so much that he felt like no matter what Faust said, he would simply produce some kind of evidence and refute him.

"Second assumption. After it took away your body, you couldn’t hold out against it and collapsed…But don’t you get the whole picture from that alone? If it were left to roam around however it wanted, that would’ve been a lot worse, not better.”

“...Even that brief rampage alone had caused so much chaos. The thought of it running completely unchecked is truly horrifying.”

"Right, You and that guy barely managed to contain what happened in Bemurchen. So what the hell do you think would’ve happened if that thing had been left to run rampant in that body as much as it wanted?”

But Meister dismantled the boy’s thoughts one by one before he could even voice them.

It was a difficult feeling to put into words.

"What happened to these two was definitely a tragedy. One that can’t be undone, and one they’ll probably never fully recover from. But do you really think that they would’ve been happy if you hadn’t managed to hold that Demon bastard back instead? Well, maybe that guy over there, who probably wouldn't have been involved if not for this whole mess. Maybe this guy’s family might’ve gotten lucky and escaped that disaster as well. But just because those two might not have been made to suffer, do you really think nobody else would’ve? From where I’m standing, while these two might have been spared, the number of victims going through similar things would have swelled to the dozens, or hundreds. Considering Bemurchen, tens of thousands doesn’t sound too unrealistic either.”

"...If a Great Demon had appeared, my family would’ve definitely gone to support the other forces. Even if they had been lucky enough to avoid the original disaster, I think something similar would’ve happened.”

"Exactly. That’s what I’m saying.”

It was horribly, yet so very comforting. He didn’t want to hear all that, but he also didn’t want to let go of a single word. The boy instinctively clutched Daniel’s clothes as he held him, just as he used to cling to his older brother when he was little.

"Sacrificing a few for the many isn’t right. But is it really right to get so buried in a few tragedies that you deny every person you managed to save? Damn it, give yourselves some credit, you pushovers. You didn't kill those people. You saved far more people from that shitty Demon.”

"...Yeah, he’s right. You did your best.”

"Don’t talk when you don’t even get this yourself. That applies to you too, you idiot.”

"......"

"I won’t agree with the ‘idiot’ part, but Meister isn’t completely wrong here. You did your best as well, Sir. So please stop trying to carry everything on your shoulders.”

"No, I……”

At that moment, Daniel slightly shifted his posture. He lifted Faust onto his lap and embraced him more securely.

Although he was small compared to others his age, considering how old he was, he wasn't all that small. So why did he do that? Startled, Faust let go of his clothes.

"Ah…Do you feel uncomfortable sitting like this? I’m so used to holding my cousin like that so I just…”

But hearing Daniel’s careful question, he found himself startled again. He reflexively shook his head.

Relieved, Daniel hugged him tight. The boy’s whole body stiffened at the full-on protective embrace.

"Anway, I’m not telling you to completely ignore those tragedies just because they couldn’t be helped. I know neither of you is capable of that to begin with. But don’t undervalue the worth of what you accomplished either. You should be proud of yourselves, so why the hell deny it and erase your value? If it weren’t for you two, shit, half of mankind would probably be dead by now.”

“......”

“Seriously, you two make me want to sigh. How in the world are you lacking so much in pride after all you’ve accomplished? How the hell do you expect to survive in this world when you’re both so damn softhearted……?!”

"...I haven’t exactly lived a soft-hearted life though…”

"What? Want me to call you a total pushover instead?”

Meanwhile, Meister snapped irritable at Gretchen. “Gretchen didn’t do anything wrong.” Faust didn’t dislike Meister after everything he’d seen of him, but he absolutely couldn’t tolerate what he had just said about Gretchen. The boy spat out some sharp yet timid words of protest.

"Oh? So you don’t like hearing someone insult the guy who’s been cleaning up after you? Try applying that attitude a bit to yourself as well. I’ve dealt with all kinds of customers, including many famous people, but I’ve never met a single one as hopelessly clueless as you two.”

But the instant the boy spoke up, Meister pounced on that opening and started firing off words like a machine gun now that he finally had found an excuse.

"Those guys pissed me off because their pride far outweighed their actual ability, so why the hell are you doing the exact opposite? It’s not like you don’t have the right to be proud or something.”

It was a scolding, but it was in no shape or form insulting toward them. Gretchen and Faust both shifted their eyes away at the same time. “You really are soul twins or something, huh?” Naturally, that only annoyed Meister more.

「...We still haven’t finished talking about the dagger.」

"Look at the brat trying to change the subject.”

「...But once you hear the rest of the story, you’ll change your minds too. I really don’t deserve to be forgiven.」

"Sure, sure. Go on then.”

Meister’s face seemed innocent, but the expression on it was anything but. This was supposed to be a confession of guilt, but looking at that expression made the boy feel strangely irritable. Even though this was neither the time nor the place for such feelings.

「...This dagger belonged to someone I killed.」

Even so, the moment he began his recount, nothing but pure guilt surged up again. The boy fidgeted with his fingers and finally let go of Daniel’s clothes for good.

「Not someone the Demon killed. Someone I killed.」

P. B.

The boy traced the initials engraved on the dagger with his fingertips.

It felt as if his chest started to ache already.

* * *

The boy ran and ran until he tripped over a branch that had been lying in the mud. The tears clinging to his eyes finally scattered onto the ground, and only then did the boy’s mind grasp something he had been missing.

He’d left a very obvious trail.

'No… If I leave it like this……’

The boy barely managed to keep thinking through his gasping breaths, crushing guilt and despair. Sob, sob. Myriads of choking emotions clouded his mind, but he had to push through them. He didn’t want anyone else to become a victim.

'...If this keeps up, someone’s definitely going to come after me.'

Of course, the boy had no idea how to track things through a forest. But he had at least some idea just how much a trained soldier could read from the smallest of clues.

At this rate, someone would definitely pick up his trail.

'I can’t let there be any more victims……! But what am I supposed to do……?’

So far, the only people that had been caught up in the boy’s misfortune were either just a few or belonged to groups that lived in hiding.

In other words, only people whose death might be mistaken for accidents that wouldn’t need a professional tracker’s investigation, or whose disappearance might not even be noticed until a long while after, had been caught up with him and got killed.

And in a way that was quite fortunate. There was nothing good about people dying, of course, but in that one aspect, it truly had been fortunate.

After all, what ordinary person who wasn’t a professional tracker could follow the boy from these few traces? And if word of someone’s disappearance didn’t reach others until much later, most of these trails would be gone as well. At that point, not even a seasoned tracker would have a way to work with those.

And now even an entire group of Inquisitors had been wiped out in just a single blow. It didn’t seem likely that a single pursuit party could hunt him down safely either. Anyone who came after him would only die a meaningless death.

So the fact that they couldn’t pursue him was actually a stroke of luck. It was tragic for crimes to just get covered up, but if that meant fewer people would be harmed, then that was still better.

'I have to… Hide these traces……’

But things were different now.

A lone hunter going missing was sad, but quite a common occurrence. An entire group of Inquisitors disappeared, on the other hand, was anything but ordinary. The moment word reached the city, a search party would definitely be sent out.

And the boy’s traces would probably still be fresh and intact enough the moment they arrived. If they were fast, there could be here in a week, ten days at the latest. And the evidence he’d left behind wouldn’t just disappear in a mere ten days.

'No. Even if someone without training like me tried, I won’t be able to cover it properly. I’d be better if I just ran as far away as I can……’

The boy picked up a broken branch, squeezed his eyes shut and threw it far away. Clatter. His body, its tears already died up, pushed through the forest once more.

Gurgle, gurgle, gurgle. He heard the sound of a stream.

"...Water"

Would running through the water leave behind fewer traces? The boy thought about it for a bit, consulting the shreds of common sense and reasoning he had.

Let’s just go. It was leading away from where the incident happened. Clinging to the desperate hope that it might work, the boy ran, stepping into the shallow stream.

"A child?”

"......!”

But in the end, that decision led to a rather unpleasant encounter. An old hunter who had been lying in wait to catch some animals coming here to drench their thirst, spotted the boy and straightened up.

A witness. The boy’s face went pale.

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